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  1. #81
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Out of curiosity, and just to play devils advocate, what if the bride has a fear of him? It's not her being a bridezilla or anything, but she has a genuine fear of people with disabilities? I know a few people who do, and they deeply regret it, but there's nothing they can do about it and they try very, very hard.
    Would you be expected to be terrified of one of your guests for your entire wedding, just so that the family doesn't get angry/upset?? Is your "special day" not a day for you to be happy and relaxed and surrounded by people you love and who love you??
    I'm not saying she doesn't love him, but it's possible she's made uncomfortable and is scared of him.
    My sister has a huge fear of people with short stature (dwarfs). She has been scared of them since childhood, to the point that she would have nightmares about them surrounding her house and chanting her name etc. It is a real fear. I have a neice who is a dwarf (on DH's side). I would be mortified if my sister ever expected me to leave her out of anything let alone my wedding day because of her irrational fear. My sister has worked on her fear and is ok with her now. I know she still feels a bit squirmish but she undersstands that it is not the childs fault she was born the way she was. She has learnt to accept her. I don't think an irratioinal fear is any excuse to exlude someone because of something they have no control over.

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  3. #82
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    I have a autistic daughter if I got invited to a wedding but was told to leave her at home. That's fine it's their day BUT I'd never see them again! And I'd make it very clear why!

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    I just cannot imagine why the groom allowed it? I mean, who would want to marry someone who would exclude his family?

    If DS was to be marrying someone who refused to have his cousin at his wedding...i would be supporting him in standing up for himself, and his family.

    It's not just the bride and groom I would be furious at...but also his parents.

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  7. #84
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    Default Spinoff from 'no kids at weddings'

    Fair enough if it was a child free wedding, or all the cousins weren't invited.
    I think the bride is being a massive bridezilla and if that was my child I would not attend.
    Family is family and I could never imagine doing that so someone who I was close to.

  8. #85
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    I can understand the 'no kids' which by a stretch could also include older children/younger adults who require additional care, however I would never do it myself.

    We did opt for now children at our wedding except my nephew - this meant that cousins children ranging in ages 4-17 were excluded.

    However, I have one 2nd cousins who has a son with special needs - he is about 30 and sounds quite similar to the person mentioned in the OP. He is never aggressive but can be very loud at times when he gets overwhelmed. This 2nd cousin also had a daughter who has her own children and is not in a relationship. Basically the 3 generations don't have much support or anyone else available to look after the disabled son or the grandkids. So all of them where invited to the wedding.

    TBH the disabled son was a bit of hard work - it was alot of ppl and a bit overwhleming for him and he didn't cope that well. But we are all family and we all love him and it wouldn't have been a family wedding without him IYKWIM. Everyone was very accomdating and took turns to help look after him and the venue cleared out a little area in another room for him to chill out in.

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    Default Spinoff from 'no kids at weddings'

    I think it's unfair. I also don't get the "no kids at weddings" anyway. I was happy to have my friends' children at the wedding!

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    Default Spinoff from 'no kids at weddings'

    I also hate the "it's the brides day " thing. When I got married it was so much about both of us but not only us, both our families. It is a big day for everyone that loves and cares about the bride and groom. I know it's impossible to keep everyone happy at a wedding but to including a family member because of a disability is inexcusable!

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    If I was a family member of this man who is being excluded, I would not be attending the wedding. AND I would be telling both the bride and groom exactly how I felt about it. How gutless is this groom?

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    How awful.

    If she is afraid of him then there are a million ways to deal with it other than to nastily exclude him. How many brides spend a lot of time with any of their guests anyway? Most weddings I've been to I've had a brief chat or two with the bride and that's about it.

    Sounds much more like she cares about what her friends will think or something.

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    That bride is setting herself up to fail.

    If already, appearances are more important than love and family...she is in for a shock.

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