+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 20 of 20
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Melbourne IVF
    Posts
    2,828
    Thanks
    75
    Thanked
    130
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Btmac and sarelou. Girls I really do feel for you. I must say my DH was a little like that in the beginning. I think you need to sit down and have a big talk to them and explain exactly how you feel. Often men don't actually realise how you feel, or what you want. I spoke to DH numerous times about this stuff and he definitely improved. Now we have 2 with a small age gap I have to say that he is fantastic. But men being men, if we don't say anything, they think we are happy with the status quo and will happily play the Xbox while we do all the work because they think we are happy to do it! DH and I talk a lot now and negotiate a lot too. For instance he played golf sat morning so when he came home I left the kids with him (DD 2 and DS 10 months)and went off to the movies. Bliss! I also find that he can sleep through the baby crying at night so I have to physically wake him and tell him it's his turn and he needs to get up and settle the baby. I find with my DH if I tell him what he needs to do he is happy to do it, he's just not great at taking the initiative before he is asked. I think it's generally a man thing!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    898
    Thanks
    391
    Thanked
    218
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I agree with blondekelli, maybe a simple conversation with your partners to explain how you are feeling would help.

    My hubby has been fantastic keeping the house clean, washing done and cooking. He knows if the house is untidy it stresses me out so he tries his best to keep it under control. (He is back at work full time this week and does big weeks so we will see how it all goes by the end of the week)

    however when it comes to our LO he needs to be told a lot of the time what to do or to help. But if I am being completely honest I think that is partly my fault. He keeps telling me I just tell him he is doing everything wrong. Which I don't mean to but I really do only tell him what he is doing wrong not right. And he is great at telling me I am doing a wonderful job because I constantly self doubt.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Melbourne IVF
    Posts
    2,828
    Thanks
    75
    Thanked
    130
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Btmac the thing that really changed things for us was about a year ago I was totally fed up and told DHthat I wanted counselling or I didn't think we were going to make it, that I was at my limit. I think it really shook him up. He actually chose to do counselling on his own, but more importantly he stopped his selfish lazy behaviour and really turned things around. Sometimes with men I think the sh*t really needs to hit the fan before they actually realise the seriousness of the situation and do something about it.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    8,546
    Thanks
    919
    Thanked
    1,250
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    I am wishing I had not ever seen this thread where did I go wrong? Reading these posts about wonderful partners makes me want to cry because they sound like they really are your partners. My DH is getting worse sigh... He has been on leave for very long time (not parental leave just a well timed coincidence!) he goes back to work on December 12 and has indicated he needs a break now - and all I can think is a break from what?

    - sleeping in?
    - the Xbox & halo 4?
    - Facebook?
    - reading on his iPad?

    What I wouldn't give for just 5 minutes of down time where I wasn't frantically trying to:

    - eat,
    -shower,
    - get dressed,
    - go to the toilet,
    - brush my teeth or
    - fall asleep

    I haven't had more than an hours uninterrupted sleep in a month but he says he is tired! Like I said where did I go wrong?
    Oh dear, what a turd!
    I'm not going to bother waxing lyrical about women from venus & men from Mars, it's not a 'man' thing because my husband does not, and would not, ever pull crap like that. It's a selfish person thing and he probably does it because he can.
    If it were me in this situation I would start ignoring his needs and desires in the same way as he is to you and your child. Relationships are about give and take and he's treating you like an ATM! Try to focus on just you and bubby and let other stuff fall by the wayside. When he starts to lose his Xbox control underneath all of the filth he might wake up to himself and realise the housework fairy has left the building and you need some bloody help!
    I'm so sorry that you are not bring supported during this time, you truly deserve to be!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    256
    Thanks
    36
    Thanked
    24
    Reviews
    0
    Totally know what you mean when you say you can't be disappointed when you don't have any expectations. I tried to psycho myself into thinking that but of course I would still hope and still get angry.



    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    Thanks Blondekelli & Donnab - not trying to be difficult but been there done that and will continue to try to explain/discuss/bluntly ask etc... I have realised though that what is happening is mostly about perspective. I think DH is lazy and just doesn't pitch in enough - he thinks he is working his backside off and doing above and beyond what should be expected of him sigh... So when you look at it like that I can talk until I am blue in the face and he just thinks I am being unreasonable and have unrealistic expectations

    What it comes down too is that I have to stop expecting something from him that he can't/won't give. Because when I do expect it I get disappointed then upset. No expectation = no disappointment! Easier said than done but in working on it. Thanks for listening xx

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    256
    Thanks
    36
    Thanked
    24
    Reviews
    0
    Wanted to say hi to everyone. I was the one who started this thread-- seems ages ago. My baby is nearly six months now. My husband is doing a bit better with the baby but still over all very very lousy. So for those of you who have good support at home, please appreciate it and for those who don't, does it help you to know that you're not alone??? And please feel free to vent, otherwise you'd go mad. Good luck all you ladies struggling with little or no help, it's tough but you know in your heart that it is worth it.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Did you take your husbands last name?
    By Elijahs Mum in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 141
    Last Post: 09-08-2012, 16:34
  2. Teddy Bears Picnic in Shorncliffe This Sunday!!!
    By MnM8011 in forum Out & About in Brisbane
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 24-05-2012, 10:36
  3. Replies: 53
    Last Post: 31-01-2012, 19:11

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Softer than your bub's bum Boody Organic Bamboo Baby Wear
Australia's favourite eco brand has delivered a gorgeous baby collection. Made from organic bamboo, Boody's extraordinarily soft and stretchy, skin-friendly tops, bottoms, onesies, bibs and wraps don't 'cost the earth'. Get 20% OFF! Code BUBHUB16.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Hills Swimming Kenthurst
Located in the beautiful suburb of Kenthurst and boasts a heated 25m pool. We conduct world-leading Baby and Parent Classes, Preschool Classes, School Age and Squad Training. Our classes are small, our service personal and our quality of the highest.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!