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  1. #1
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Hey new mommas!
    Just wanted to start a new forum thread to ask how everyone's husbands or partners are coping since your babies arrived? Feel free to rant or praise!

    I'll start off-- my husband (29) would probably win the Worst Father of the Year Award if there were one. With Fathers Day approaching, I'm wondering whether I should even get him a card! He's so incredibly lousy with the baby! Doesnt know how to calm the crying, and has a general cannot be f---ed attitude. He does the absolute minimum and always walks off with an air of relief as soon as possible. I've been coping well only because my mother in law helps and my parents are also coming for a month starting in September.

    How is everyone else's partners going? Please tell me I'm not the only one with a clueless imbecile for a husband!!

  2. #2
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    It took my hubby a while to get used to each of the children (we have 3). He recently old me he can't handle our dd's crying (soft in his old age?) and gets stressed if he can't calm her. Which is kind of sweet. He does a lot of stuff with our older kids however my time being consumed by the baby all the time, I've been missing them!

    I've now learned I have to force her on him in a happy mood or he never takes her! Definitely not hopeless, but definitely avoids the littlest babe at all costs. I don't think it's because he doesn't love her though, more he doesn't know what to do with a squishy babe when it's upset!

  3. #3
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Haha! DF is great....as long as theres nothing good on tv or theres no outings with his mates planned....oh and as long as shes asleep! Heaven forbid he should actually have to wake up over night. And then to say "im so tired i had a pretty average sleep last night" when i was the one who was up all night, sleeping on the couch etc! Oh, and lie on your side...your snoring wakes up the baby!!

    But other than that hes great haha he was actually fantastic when he was iff work. I must give him credit for that. But now i find myself resenting him and the fact that he gets to sleep at night because i feel guilty if i force him to tend to the baby when he has to work the next day. And i know i shouldnt feel guilty because i basically work a 24/7 job. There is no clocking on and off for me. I dont just sit at home all day, theres feeding and washing and cooking and cleaning and maybe the occassional cup of tea.

    Rant over. I do actually love him

  4. #4
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Hi ladies.
    My Hubby has been pretty good really. I try and give him and bub time together each night (bath and story time is their time together).
    I am very lucky to have a domesticated husband (he does washing, vacuuming, washing up, etc). This definitely is a plus! However I do feel guilty if he comes home from work and I have had a busy day (or bad day with bub) and haven't had a chance to do anything. Before I had our lil guy, I was working non-stop (I own a business), and now that I am home more, I feel as though I should be contributing more to the housework, which I have been trying to do. I think my husband thinks I just feed bub and sit on my bum all day, or that I am out having coffee and socialising all day. Little do they know. Thats going to change though, as he has to play Dad all day on Friday while I go to work for a day.... Should be interesting..... ))
    I guess the biggest issue I am having at the moment is that I do resent him a lil at the moment, as it's almost like his life hasn't really changed all that much. He goes to work, goes to the gym, comes home to dinner, bath and storytime (although he tries to keep bub awake playing with him) then its off to bed (where he expects a lil "mummy and daddy cuddles")... When do I get to have a lil normality?? Or indulge in "me time"??
    Sorry if this sounds like I'm venting. I love him, and am so so happy. I really do appreciate him, and everything he does. He doesn't drink, or go out every weekend but I kinda feel like I'm the one making all the adjustments. Please tell me this is normal. )

  5. #5
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    I think I might have to buck the trend and admit my DH has been absolutely awesome and a rock of solid support since our little one was born.

    He has no hesitations getting in and changing nappies, taking a night shift (or three) so I can get some sleep, cleaning and soaking dirty nappies or being thrown up on. He'll sit there for an hour or more shushing the baby to sleep or be up in a flash to re-heat some expressed milk for bubs.

    He's always asking questions of the midwives or actively involving himself in our "new parent" groups. He never complains about being tired and will rouse himself to sit with me through a 3am feed so I'm not lonely and alone. He keeps me hydrated and fed (or I wouldn't do it myself lol), he does the washing, cooking and dishes without being asked.

    He's the best support person and team mate a person could ask for Love him dearly!

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    My husband has been incredible! He stays up until 1 or 2am most nights so that I can go to bed for 4 - 5 hours before he comes in and says "tag" which means i move out to the couch where our little princess sleeps in a portable cocoon. While i am sleeping he does a feed and nappy change. He struggled a little when our DD (who is 5 weeks old) would get unsettled but he has now worked out that it is either wind, nappy or hunger. Hubby never complains about helping with her and is more than happy to go to the supermarket after work whenever I need something. Amazing husband and father! We are very lucky!

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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    My hubby is brilliant too! He feeds LO all night, calming a reflux baby so I can sleep and relax a little. (days are worse for LO) he sees it as a chance to bond with LO because he is at work all day.

    he doesn't know how to cook, but he will clean all the dishes, bottles, house.

    Admit he does get really frustrated with LO sometimes with the crying. But if that's the worst point, I'm not complaining! Usually a word to him to not be frustrated and he stops.

  8. #8
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    I am wishing I had not ever seen this thread where did I go wrong? Reading these posts about wonderful partners makes me want to cry because they sound like they really are your partners. My DH is getting worse sigh... He has been on leave for very long time (not parental leave just a well timed coincidence!) he goes back to work on December 12 and has indicated he needs a break now - and all I can think is a break from what?

    - sleeping in?
    - the Xbox & halo 4?
    - Facebook?
    - reading on his iPad?

    What I wouldn't give for just 5 minutes of down time where I wasn't frantically trying to:

    - eat,
    -shower,
    - get dressed,
    - go to the toilet,
    - brush my teeth or
    - fall asleep

    I haven't had more than an hours uninterrupted sleep in a month but he says he is tired! Like I said where did I go wrong?
    Oh hun don't stress. My DD is 9 weeks old and this is how it is for us-

    DH works weekends, so has all week off. He loves DD immensely and will happily settle her during the day but sometimes this takes too many nags and I do it myself to avoid her waiting when I know she is tired! He will wear her in an ergo when we go out and will burp her and play with her.

    However - I think he can count on both hands the nappy changes he's done. I do all the housework and cooking. I do all night wakes with DD as she is breastfeeding anyway but we bedshare so really I have made that easier on myself... Also she rarely needs a nappy change at night now as she seems to go to town filling her nappy during the day lol.

    He will occasionally help hang up washing or bring me some basic food when I'm stuck nursing but things are few and far between, I find it easier just to wait and do everything myself as it takes him that long to get off his a** to do it anyway. He spends alot of time on the computer or his iPhone.

    It annoys me but I try not to stress out as it doesn't change it I guess!!

    The thing that gets to me the worst is when he takes her and I rush to shower or eat and he says hurry up! Your turn! I feel like telling him to shove it lol. Like I don't have her 24/7 lazy bum grr. Oh well I have to laugh or I would cry lol.
    Last edited by Sarelou; 25-11-2012 at 01:46.

  9. #9
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    And when the men complain they are tired, or have lack of sleep!!! Oh I could smother him with his own pillow then but lucky I love him haha.

  10. #10
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    Default New momma bears-- how are your husbands/partners coping?

    Yes you are right, we do make the decision as a couple to have a baby, and although we CAN do it ourselves it would be lovely to have more support from them! Men are so lazy.


 

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