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  1. #291
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    Lama I'm sorry he's being a turd

    Pink - congrats hun, share your baby dust will you? lol

    Stretched - so glad to hear the baby is a sticky one

    I can't believe I'm still here 17 months and counting, kinda depressing but hey just have to roll with the punches

  2. #292
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    Default Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    Hi everyone, sending lots of love to you all x

    I have hit a low after m/c number 7. Hubby and I are taking a year off ttc to give my body a break and so I can get healthy and loose some weight. I didn't cry when we lost pregnancy, think I am depressed now as a result. I have bipolar and I am having a rough time with it. Hubby is not affectionate and I keep having awful dreams that he doesn't love me anymore and there is nothing I can do about it. Arrrggghhh - hate this feeling. I can't bear another 2ww!

    My fingers are crossed for you all - and HUGE 'yayyyy' for those with BFPs!!!

    Thanks for listening xxxx
    Jill xxxx

  3. #293
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    Default Long Term TTC with a History of Loss Chat

    Jill... Sorry to hear your having a rough time. Hopefully a break will give you the emotional headspace you need. It's tough... I totally understand.

    Del... Only too happy to share the dust! Though I'm feeling positive, I'm not going to get too ahead of myself... It's going to be a long road ahead!

    GirlX... Good luck today x

    Rae... Hope you are doing great... Thinking of you

    Stretched... Very happy for you... Def got all fingers crossed its a big fat sticky one !!

    Afm... I'm in two minds when to go to dr. Thinking I might wait until next week but not sure I'll last that long. Be really nice to be positive and happy for while... Like one of those lucky b's we all envy! Poas again this morn... Def still two lines.. Not sure if stronger but def not fainter!

  4. #294
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    Hi gals - just wanted to stop in and say a huge congrats to GirlX and PickledPink! I'm so happy for you ... and I'm sure the rest of you will have your sticky bubs very soon.

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  6. #295
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    Hi Everyone,

    I thought it was time to check in here too. I'm still quite fragile but I'm doing ok. The odd tear here and there when I see a newborn or a pregnant woman (and boy do they seem to be everywhere) but other than that, I'm ok.

    It has been a particularly difficult time for me the last week with loss number 5, the 12 month anniversary of my d&c after a the blighted ovum at 11.5 weeks last October, Jessiccah's (my stillborn in 1991) 21st birthday would have been on Sunday, my daughter went back to Melbourne just over a week ago now and my son has returned to Melbourne permanently yesterday. That has left me with DH and my 2 stepsons and I was feeling the most unbelievable grief I have ever experienced since losing Jessiccah all those years ago. I was very unwell emotionally to the point where I genuinely considered leaving DH because I just couldn't cope anymore. I didn't really want to leave him, I just wanted him to understand, I just wanted the pain to go away, I wanted someone to understand but at the same time I just wanted to disappear. I had very, very bad thoughts and was really in one of the worst places I've ever been in my life. I told DH I needed to go to hospital and to cut a long story short, he came and got me, carried me to bed and just held me while I cried. I've also been very fortunate that my business has been incredibly busy to keep my mind occupied. That doesn't mean I didn't take the time I needed to grieve, it just means that it didn't allow me to get obsessed with it.

    AF came and has finally just finished this afternoon although I don't know if I'll be actively ttc this month. I am so fragile at the moment I don't know that I could honestly risk another loss. I'll keep taking my DHEA & folic acid and living like a pregnant woman but I'm really just taking things as they come, almost minute by minute. There has definitely been a very big shift in our relationship; DH seems to have a very different understanding and acceptance of my needs, he has been unbelievable the past few days. The Facebook girls, gee, I couldn't have done without you. Thanks to all of you.

    Jill - I totally get where you are coming from. After Jessiccah was stillborn, I was in a psych hospital for a few months and it wasn't until 14 years later that a psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I was medicated and undertook therapy for years. In 2006? I stopped all meds and have only had 1 relapse, August last year (2011) which was really a reactive depression rather than a bipolar depression. I certainly don't have symptoms of bipolar anymore and apart from the depression that I get through this ttc journey, I don't believe they are bipolar related. They always seem to be reactive to some major trauma or event. I don't have the highs anymore. I don't cycle anymore and while my state of mind over the past week or two would suggest differently, I have a very small, close knit 'bipolar watch group' who know me like the back of my hand and they also believe that I haven't relapsed so to speak. Don't be too hard on yourself with the weight loss, I'm not sure what meds you are on for your bipolar but all meds used typically have a side effect of weight gain and they mostly all impact on pregnancy etc. Have you checked this out? If you would like to chat more about the bipolar stuff, send me a private message :-)

    Lama - thanks so much for your support before I went AWOL. I just couldn't face logging on to BH again for a while. No matter what he says, you are not an idiot and he's probably just struggling too.

    Everyone else, thanks for your support and hugs over the past week or so, I did see your messages in my digest email from the BH site. xx

  7. #296
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    Raelene - I'm glad you're feeling up to logging back in, I know the support and understanding I have found here has been priceless and helped to give me the strength to continue with my TTC journey.

    I just wanted to give everyone here, especially the ladies who've been through the whole long journey with me, an update on yesterdays scan. Measuring to date and heartbeat at 143bpm - I saw the heartbeat as soon as she got the sac up on the screen and burst into tears, poor DH didn't know what was going on! It's still early days but I hope this one sticks around.

    Thanks once again for all your support ladies. I feel bad posting at all about being pregnant as I know how hard it is to read, how much you want to be happy but how much it still hurts. I am sure your sticky babies are not far off - I'll be lurking and hoping to hear lots more good news soon!

  8. #297
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    Jill - 7 losses would be unbearable to deal with. It's no wonder you're finding it hard to cope at the moment. Sounds like a year off is a great idea to get back on track, physically and emotionally. We're here any time you want to talk.

    Pickledpink - Keep us posted with what you do! Hope all goes well for you x

    Raelene - You've been through such a lot. Be gentle with yourself, and lean on us when you need to.

    Stretched - That's wonderful news! I'm so happy for you

    AFM - Had BT yesterday, and got hCG of 1378 (which is 3 times higher than it was last pregnancy) and progesteron of 25.8. I've got another BT tomorrow and first scan 7th Nov (just under 2 weeks away).

    I'm terrified about that scan, as that's where it all went wrong last time (no hb but it might be too early, then - a week later - there was a hb but it was too slow, then - a week after THAT - the hb had stopped and I needed a d&c). I'm so scared of that happening again.

    I also got a bit nervous about the progesterone figure, as I posted it on a FB IVF support group, and a few people said that sounded low. My FS hasn't said anything though, and the clinic seemed all good with it, so I guess I have to rely on that. It doesn't take much to make me nervous about everything going wrong though, TBH.

  9. #298
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    Hi ladies,

    All i can say is TGIF!

    Girl x - glad all is going well and for your scan.

    Stretch and Pink - thinking of both and wishing carefree next 9mths.

    Rae - thinking of you and sending big hugs ur way.

    Jill - also thinking of you, can't even imagine ur grief with this whole process. Lots of prayers and thoughts for you

    Del - thinking of you too and hoping Nov is our month.

    Lama - you are neither thick or stupid, sometimes our men just have no idea how things they say can affect us. Big for you too.

    AFM - im out too AF arrived this morning after a **** day yesterday. Saw an old client who i had recommended to my old FS and she's now 5mths and then straight after that got a call to say my good friend had her baby. Both of which im really genuinely happy for but gee when it is our turn. Just waiting now for clinic to call back to see when i start my injections for OI. Just want to crawl into a hole right now but unfortunatley got to see clients and help them out of their own holes (i work in mental health). xxxxx

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  11. #299
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    Hey Spud,

    There's nothing more difficult than trying to help others out of their holes when all you ant to do in crawl under one too.

    Hope everyone is well.

    AFM - I'm feeling much better and almost think I could go another round! After all, it's my birthday in a couple of weeks during my 2ww period, maybe the universe will give me a birthday present? Got to hold on to hope I suppose. I'll be 42 so time really is running out.

  12. #300
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    Spud - Sorry to hear AF came. It is hard to hear other announcements when you're trying - no matter how happy you are for those people it just reinforces it for you all the more.

    Raelene - That's great you're feeling more positive about things! And I can't think of a better birthday present either.


 

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