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  1. #171
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    Hi ladies,

    Thank you all for your support over the past week, it has truly been amazing and even though I feel as though I've been to hell and back, I certainly wouldn't have been able to pick up and keep moving forward as much without your support. I can honestly say that, with AF just about over, and with the hugs and support from you all, I'm ready for another month of battling the ttc journey. I have another 3 months worth of DHEA to go so I can't give up until at least all that's gone! lol

    Stretched, Pickled, my fingers are crossed for you both. Don't you hate how your body can't make up its mind? The alst 2 months I was positive I was UTD yet nothing at the end of both cycles. It's heartbreaking but you're not there yet and I hope you don't go where I've been cause it sucks.

    Del - I hope you're all ready and primed for a super month! My fingers are crossed for you that this cycle is it for both of us!

    Angelini - how's your pregnancy going? I haven't seen any posts from you and I know it was hard for me but I was genuinely thinking of you all the time and so happy that it worked.

    SPG - Welcome to our little group. Quite honestly, if it wasn't for these girls in the past week I think I would be in hospital having had a nervous breakdown in all seriousness. I was so depressed and beside me after what was yet another failed month and potential last egg. Every month it is getting harder and harder and if it wasn't for these girls, quite honestly, I don't know that I would have pulled through. Even up until last night, I was still crying a bit, thinking about the possibility that I may never have another egg. I hope your stay isn't too long but know we're here sharing the road with you.

    AFM - well, as I mentioned, it's been a really tough few days and quite honestly, I wasn't far off hospital. I was beside myself with grief and as I said to DH who I did finally talk to about it all, I can manage the house situation, I can manage his ex-wife being a pain in the backside, I can manage the kids not being well, I can manage the business being too busy, I can manage the website design company stuffing me around...Generally speaking, I cope very well with chaos. What I can't cope with though is this confrontation with my possible infertility every month that gets worse. I tried explaining to him that I didn't expect him to understand (and he didn't of course) but I just needed him to hear me out, give me a hug and some support. The initial reaction was horrible...why are you so obsessed with having another baby? If God wants you to have another baby and be pregnant, you will be...this is crazy, one month you're in tears and beside yourself because you're having a miscarriage and the next you're beside yourself because you've got your period. You're constantly sad because of this obsession you have.

    I sat back and waited for him to leave the room and reflected on his words. Yes they seemed harsh at the time and they were hurtful but when I looked deeper at what he was trying to tell me, it was more about his inability to take away my pain and if this is what this ttc journey is going to do to me every month, he doesn't want to continue, he wants me to be happy not a blubbering mess every month because of a m/c or AF. He doesn't understand but just wants my pain to go away and he does feel powerless to change anything.

    We didn't even get into a discussion on IVF again because it was clear in what he was saying that he still isn't comfortable going ahead with it. I did remember Del's? comment about sickness & advances in medical science but the context of the conversation wasn't right and I wasn't in a place to have that discussion...truth be told, neither was he. He didn't understand that it's not just the desire and dream to have a baby that will be lost when my eggs run out but the loss of a dream, the loss of a baby together, the loss of an aspect of my femininity and in many ways, a loss of identity and who I am that also comes with my inability to catch that one magic egg. He can't understand that and it's not fair of me to expect him to. I can try and help him understand but I can't expect him to straight off the bat. A little while after and for the rest of the weekend, he was very caring and loving, gave me big hugs throughout the weekend. That told me that while he doesn't get it, he feels my pain and is there for me...can't ask much more than that really at the moment.

    So, I'm here, waiting for AF to finish (I think it's actually finished now but just waiting for confirmation lol) and then I'll be ready for battle. Hopefully by tomorrow night we'll know exactly where we're moving to (finance for our house still pending and I applied for a rental just in case the finance fell through because regardless of where we go, we have to move this weekend). Need to get ready for a business meeting now. have a great day everyone and thanks again.

  2. #172
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    Hi ladies,

    I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I'm thinking of you all every day. I feel almost guilty being utd, but I know I can't think that way. I'm still in limbo - I'm so early (4w2d today) and am afraid I'm going to start bleeding or my hcg won't rise. So far so good, though, and I'm trying to be tough and not think about it.

    I'll keep looking in so I know when you all get your BFPs, but this will be my last post because I know it's hard when someone utd comes into a TTC thread.

    I wish you all the best and can't wait to see some more good news!

  3. #173
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    Hi Ladies,

    Just popping in to say hi and hope everyone is doing well...everyone seems so quiet.

    AFM - we needed to come up with another $20K in a few days to get finance approved so we said no and we're going to rent for 6 months. We miss out on what was a beautiful, beautiful home but it's not that beautiful that we were going to kill ourselves to find another $20K and increase our stress levels for a few more months. I secured a rental yesterday too and should confirm the lease sign time this morning for tomorrow, key collection on Friday morning. DH goes to Sydney tomorrow night with our DS coming back on Sunday morning. DS has national Tae Kwon Do championships where DS is competing. According to my app, my fertile week starts on Saturday, finishing on Friday with ovulation predicted for Friday next week. Really not that hopeful for this month looking at that.

    Hope everyone is ok.

  4. #174
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    Rae...sorry you didn't get your house but very happy for you to secure a rental... That will give you some breathing space for a while! Moving is stressful enough, but add financial stress too and it can get ugly
    Maybe this rental is a lucky place with baby dust a plenty!! Maybe every other tenant has had to leave as its not big enough for their mysteriously expanding family! Lol...

    It is very quiet here... Hopefully this is a good sign of things to come!
    AF finally turned up 5 days late... Which has me baffled as my US showed i had ovulated at least twenty days ago! After yet another BFN, I told myself I just wanted AF to come so we could move on but once she arrived I promptly burst into tears. I am now going to concerntrate on my health and weight ( I have a goal I'm trying to hit by my bday... And it's looking obtainable!) and just power thru the next two weeks! then it's back to business!

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    mymiraclebubba  (27-09-2012)

  6. #175
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    Hey girls haven't been on much lately. Have been thinking of everyone and hope we get more BFP's month. Only on for a sec so will do personals later tonight. Since many aren't logging as much how do people feel about a FB group that is private?

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    mymiraclebubba  (27-09-2012)

  8. #176
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    Hi ladies,
    Im still here!! Please don't leave me! And if we decide to go to a FB can someone please tell me how to find you all!!

    At work and next client is due so will keep it short. Nothing to report for me, seeing new FS tomorrow so hoping we get going this month. Have kept quiet of late as been just too damm low and sorry for myself and things we me and DH hit a bit of a low point so been working on that and things looking better now.

    Thinking of you all and hoping the quietness means BIG BFP to come!!
    xxxx

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    mymiraclebubba  (27-09-2012)

  10. #177
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    Hi ladies,

    Pickledpink so to hear about the cycle being all messed up, I hope it sorts itself out again this cycle. I don't really understand why some people sneeze and get pregnant and some of us go through so much. It really doesn't seem fair. I was thinking about your comment about this being a lucky place and it reminded me that a few years ago on AFL grand final weekend, I was handing over the keys to my house in Melbourne to my ex husband who got it in our property settlement...long story, he's not the father of my kids but none the less, the man who came into the relationship with nothing, left with a lot and nearly wiped me out financially in the process. AFL grand final this year, I start a new journey. We've been living in my OH house since Feb this year that belonged to him and his ex-wife (maybe our new family member is waiting to join us). It had been on the market for 3 and a bit years so in many ways, there was a lot of negativity in this place, I was never happy and never felt right about living here because it was theirs and not ours. Maybe this house will be the change we need even though it will be temporary, we'll have the time to find our perfect place. There were 2 things missing from the house we were going to buy for it to be perfect for me; a spa and an open fireplace. I guess if there is a bonus to moving this weekend, the boys go to NSW tonight and come back Sunday morning which means by the time they come home, most of the moving will be done and I get to say where everything goes lol. The removalists come tomorrow afternoon and I have to say, we are nowhere near sufficiently packed.

    Del - I like the idea of a FB group. I spend way too much time on there too! The only thing I would ask is that we be careful about how we name the group because I have a lot of friends and clients etc on my Facebook and don't want them to know about my ttc journey. It's difficult enough without having to worry about how to respond to clients' questions and everything. My profile is private but I also have a FB page for my business which is public and sometimes people on there are able to access information.

    Spud - not leaving you anywhere! Good luck with the new FS tomorrow. I know what you mean about feleing low, the last week or so was terrible for me but as you probably read, the girls here were my saviours. As for the pressure it puts on our relationships, I've seen the majority of my most important relationships struggle through the past week or so also. Hang in there.

    Got some more packing to do, work and all sorts of stuff. for everyone and spreading lots & lots of everyone's way.

  11. #178
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    You can make closed private groups so when you post they don't come up on the right of other people's feeds

  12. #179
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    so I've created a secret group on FB, where no one can see your posts, nor can we found by searching. If you want in, PM me you addy for FB and I'll send you an invite. Girl X is the only one in this group I have as a FB friend so I added her first lol

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    Guest654  (27-09-2012)

  14. #180
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    I am undecided about the facebook group. I know it is secret but I am still unsure

    Spud - good luck

    Pickled pink - how frustrating

    Del - you should be o'ing soon right?

    I am very close to ovulating. Jsut waiting to see if the OPK will get darker or what.
    Am I the only one who gets upset at FB pregnancy announcements? I guess it is good in that I can process it in my own time but I keep doing the 'it's not fair'. Oh well. Feeling more positive. IT will happen!


 

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