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  1. #71
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    I couldn't read and learn from what everyone has posted on this thread without leaving a comment.

    Thank you to everyone who has shared their own painful experiences as well as the very practical techniques they've used to educate their children.

    I'm expecting my first child at the moment and this issue has been at the back of my mind for a while now. I've not known where to start with educating our son when he's born nor about situations I need to be particularly careful about. I was raised by what I consider to be very protective parents and looking back, I understand why they were the way they were with regards to baby sitting and sleep overs.

    Thanks again, everyone.


  2. #72
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I prevent abuse by being incredibly choosy about who I leave my DS with. I also am under no illusions that this kind of thing is most likely to happen with someone I 'trust', so I trust very few people. I also will limit sleepovers at least until my son is a teenager.

    I feel very strongly about this topic as there is abuse in DH's family and I suspect there may have been abuse in my mum's - she has always been incredibly aware of the need for protective behaviours, ahead of her time in that respect.

    In terms of protective behaviours, as everyone has said, it's hugely important to have regular, casual conversations about what is appropriate & inappropriate touching, etc.

    BUT just as important is modelling protective behaviours at all times and showing respect for his body in all circumstances, not just with private parts. Such as, if you are tickling your child or playing a game with them such as flipping them upside down, or whatever, and they say, "no" or "stop" you irespect it instantly.From the moment he could speak, if DS ever said "no" or "stop" to me I have quite exaggeratedly held my hands up & said, "If you say stop I have to stop". I often will then say casually, "if you tell somebody to stop and they don't, you need to come and tell me straight away." This has resulted in him often running to me at playgroup, telling me that one of his playmates kept poking him with a toy after he said stop! But this teaches him that he has autonomy over his body and that others must respect his wishes.

    I have also taught him to put his hands up and say very loudly, "STOP" if somebody touches him in a way he doesn't like. This includes being hit by another kid at the playground but obviously transfers to other situations. (He is only 3 so not quite ready for the idea that it might feel nice - but this is something we will discuss as he gets older). Teaching this technique is called 'yell and tell'...predators who target children are weak and will often be frightened off by an assertive child who yells to stop.

    An OP mentioned that they have taught their child that they can tell them anything, this is really important but it's equally important that it's modelled. It's super important that as a parent you don't get angry or punish a child if they come to tell you something. So, for example, if your child draws on the wall and then tells you about it, you need to say something like, "It was wrong to draw on the wall but because you were honest & told me about it, I'm not cross with you. Let's go clean it up together!" or something like that. This teaches children that they really CAN come to you about anything and they don't need to fear punishment. Of course you can give consequences but don't punish children with your anger if they come to you about something. Sexual predators often tell children they will get in trouble if they tell anyone, but your child won't believe this if you have consistently proven otherwise in more innocent situations.

    If parents are consistent with their message in all aspects of life it is more likely that children will have the skills and assertiveness to protect themselves.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to grumpybump For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (19-08-2012),Chrysanthemum  (17-08-2012),duckduckgoose  (18-08-2012),Gothel  (18-08-2012),TheMadHatter  (17-08-2012)

  4. #73
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    More and more parents are saying no to sleepovers these days, so i'm hoping that it won't be too big of an issue...my intention is to basically ask to speak with the parents about it and explain that we just don't do sleepovers in our family. Full stop. I will state that it is nothing against them and nothing personal, just not something we do.

    This article is helpful regarding this entire issue for when your children are in the care of others (trigger warning):

    Last edited by Witwicky; 17-08-2012 at 22:37.

  5. #74
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic


    I bought this book and read it to DS.
    Watched an episode of Oprah with the author. The stats are horrific beyond words.

  6. #75
    Join Date
    May 2012

    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    We have done the same with ds as mentioned in pp. we only leave our kid with our mothers. In fact my mil got told by ds the other day when she bushed him while helping him put on his undies that, 'only mum and dad are allowed to touch me there'. I was proud that he remembered but mil was very embarrassed. She was also happy he knew to say that.

    The only other slightly different thing that I have spoken to ds about was to tell him that nothing bad will ever happen for talking to mum and dad about anything. It is always safe to talk to us no matter what...if people tell him otherwise they are lying and it is important to get away from them as quickly as possible and tell mum and dad what they at saying/doing.

    We talk about bad men/ladies and, while it might be overkill, my son is acutely aware of them and it helps to explain why he can't do certain things. He isn't robbed of a childhood because he is aware, I think it protects his childhood by making him aware.

  7. #76
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    My husband works in the child protection and investigation unit with Queensland Police, unfotunately I've heard it all.

    My children are never left in the care of anyone else but myself and him, and our daughter goes to Kindy. Unfortunately, 99% of the time the offender is known to the victim.

    It's about educating your children and watching for any possible signs, very difficult though when most parents aren't expecting Uncle such and such or their best friends partners (sorry, but perpetrators are generally male) to be touching their children. I would never leave my child with anyone I didn't know long term and very very well. I actually dread when the girls are older and asking me to go to sleepovers. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

    Teach your child to have a voice and monitor anyone they spend time with.

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    CluckySC  (19-08-2012)

  9. #77
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'll be teaching my daughter a lot of the things others here have posted.

    When I think she is old enough, I will be giving her examples eg. "even if someone told you something bad would happen to me or dad if you tell us, they are lying because they don't want us to know and are trying to scare you so you won't, tell us anyway".

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Ellymoe For This Useful Post:

    captainscaptain  (19-08-2012)


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