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  1. #51
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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrysanthemum View Post
    Stats for these things are unlikely to be accurate due to significant under reporting. It's a tough one though - PPs comments about issues arising in their own homes highlight the fact that SA can happen anywhere. Building age appropriate awareness and resilience as well as *always* listening to your child would seem to be the key.

    ETA - stats for incidence, not stats as to who the perpetrators are.
    The fact that it happens is alarming enough to be worried.
    Once is too much.

  2. #52
    sweetsugardumplin''s Avatar
    sweetsugardumplin' is offline be the change you want to see in da world
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    From the get go, I have always stressed to my children `you can tell me anything'
    I have educated them about bodily integrity
    I follow my gut....and will not permit certain people, including family members, to look after my children

  3. #53
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    In addition to all of the above, we have been teaching our children about the difference between "good" secrets - like birthday surprises etc and "bad" secrets - secrets that someone asks them to keep that make them feel bad or unomfortable, or that contain a bribe or threat to keep the secret. We tell they they will never get in trouble for telling us a bad secret. The have already come to us with trivial bad secrets that show that they have taken in the message..

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  5. #54
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    If my ears prick up and I feel something isn't quite right, I'm not going to risk it. I don't really care that I could be depriving her from spending alone time with someone who could be a genuinely lovely person... I'd rather that than end up sexually assaulted because I didn't trust my instincts.

    I've told her that NOBODY can touch her vagina, bum or boobs (not that she has any), or anywhere she doesn't feel comfortable for that matter, but specifically these places. I've told her that she is not to touch anyone in these places either (penis/testicles as well) even if they tell her to. Even if it's an adult telling her to. Even if it's me telling her to. She is not to do it.

    IF she does, for whatever reason, she WILL NEVER GET IN TROUBLE for telling me. No matter what she thinks, or the fact that she did something I told her not to, or if the other person says she'll get in trouble if she tells me. She will not, and it is very important she lets me know if she's ever in this situation and she will never be in trouble for it, no matter what happens.

    Of course, we had to discuss exceptions. Like doctors. Doctors may touch her in these parts, but she WILL BE WITH ME when this happens, and I will let her know it's okay. If I'm not there, she is to put up her hand (like "stop") and say, "Stop it, I don't like it!" or "NO!" or "STOP!" or something like that.

    There will also be exceptions sometimes when I am dealing with her... sometimes she fails to wipe herself well and then ends up a little sore... and needs cream. I try to get her to do it herself, but she's kind of hopeless... so I do it. I've told her that ONLY I AM to do this. Nobody else. If anyone tries, tell me. It may just be my mother trying to put cream on and that's nothing for me to be concerned about, but i rather she tell me and it turn out to be nothing than not tell me.

    I said this extends to kids and adults.

    I only leave her overnight with people I know and trust, and who she trusts... but I am not opposed to sleepovers at all. Many of my best childhood nights were spent at sleepovers and it's not something I am going to cut out of my child's life. I will simply not allow it to happen unless I know the parent well enough to trust them with the care of my daughter.

    I imagine there will be times when DD is "touched" by someone but not in a sinister way... but I'm hoping that over time, she will learn to understand what is accidental (like someone slinging an arm over her shoulder and accidentally brushing her chest), or innocent, like me pinching her chubby backside as she climbs to bed of a night... and touching that is inappropriate. Regardless, I have taught her that her body is her own and she has the right to refuse anyone from touching it... and that she is not to interfere with another person's body either.

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    We also have the 'everybody's got a bottom' book and we read it every coup,e of months to DD (5). We also taught her to use the correct anatomical terms for her privates. She knows that nobody is to touch/look at/show her their private parts except for Dr's if mummy&daddy say it's ok.

    She knows that she can talk to strangers, but she is not to go off with anyone without checking with Mummy and Daddy.

    We are very open about sexuality and nudity in our family, and she already knows that there is nothing 'off-limits' in what she can talk to us about.

    Aside from this, there is nothing we particularly do. It's a balance that we have agreed on as a family between being safe and protecting her, and scaring her into the idea that the world is a dangerous place.....

    As for the sleepover thing, we assess it on a case by case basis. I have many people that I trust, so she has slept over at both sets of grandparents, one set of great grandparents, two aunt/uncles and one friend. She is 5. I am hoping that keeping the dialogue going between us, and continuing to reinforce the idea that any type of physical or emotional abuse is NOT ok, and that she can come to us at any time.

    It's awful and I truly feel for those affected by abuse (my Mum was). But I try not to let the paranoia overwhelm me!

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Quote Originally Posted by SeymourTheBear View Post
    The fact that it happens is alarming enough to be worried.
    Once is too much.
    Oh no I totally agree. Just responding to questions about stats. Should have quoted.

  8. #57
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    Ours is a bit complicated. From a young age she'd had to trust strangers, because if I have a seizure in public she is the one who finds a stranger to help. I always, always stressed, though, that someone working at a counter, or a service person, is the only help she should ask for.
    We {as a family} tried to prevent this as much as possible; I only went shopping alone with her a handful of times, and on only one of those occasions did she have to fetch help, and I was awake and coherent before she'd gone far, as it was right in front of a Baker's Delight and she headed straight for the counter.

    She's also had to trust strangers, if they wear a uniform, to let them into the house. We taught her to ask for a badge to be pressed against the window before she opened the door. Even if it's friends visiting she won't open the door unless I'm there or they present a badge {which they don't have, so they have to wait for me }

    So that's it for stranger danger.

    I have never, and will never, teach her that she shouldn't talk to strange men, but strange women are safe. It disgusts me that some parents actually teach that to their children.

    She knows not to go into anybody's car, and we've done the puppy/candy/your mum sent me roleplaying.

    Her school is great for pickups from non-parents, if the child doesn't recognise the person and you're not on the list, you wait until either the parents or someone who is on the list arrives to give permission.
    I've been held up with this, I had to pick her up from school for an appointment. I went to the front desk, told them my name and asked them to call DD to the front so we could go.
    I didn't have my wallet on me, so had no ID, and I'd forgotten to tell them I'd changed my mobile number the week before, so I couldn't even give them the number.
    They called her to the office and she went behind the desk, and they asked her if she knew me, and who I was.
    Apparently clambering over the desk and screeching "Mumma! You've come!" wasn't even enough, because they called DH to ask if I was allowed to pick her up.
    Now they know me, so I don't even get asked for my name, but I was very impressed with the effort they went to to make sure one of their charges wasn't in danger from being snatched away.

    What else?
    She knows that certain body parts are for her, the doctors, or her parents only, and she can say no at any time. If she says no, and they keep going, she must tell me.

    When she's older she can go to sleepovers, but when she's in her teenage years. If I don't trust the parents, it won't be happening, though.

    I hope if anything happens she will tell me.

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    This is one topic that terrifies me so much I'm almost in denial!! As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I really don't even know how to begin to broach the subject with ds1 who is almost 3. I don't know where to begin iykwim??

    My mothers father abused me from a very young age (he died when I was 8, thankfully) but I have flashbacks of it occurring since I was a toddler. I'll be 29 this year and only just told my mum a few months ago

  10. #59
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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Subscribing.

  11. #60
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    threechooks is offline If my spelling annoys you that's your problem.... I have better things to do than proofread !
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    In the sleepover scenario, it is not just the adults you have to be worried about abusing your child but older siblings of your childs friend. There will be no sleepovers for my children. I'll suffer through a house full of kids if I need to. They can all come here if need be.

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