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  1. #11
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    Default Re: What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Like others i've explained that no one is to look at/ touch their genitals and that if something of the nature is to happen they have to let me or another adult they trust know immediately.
    I'm actually really paranoid about the possibility of sexual abuse occuring. I don't particuarly trust males at all but on the otherhand i relise the kids need positive male role models as well. So i can't exactly go sheltering them from all interaction with males just in case.
    It's really difficult. Sexual abuse seems to be such a common occurance these days.

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  2. #12
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    We have already started the talks with DS who is 3. Excellent communication between child and parent is imperative. The conversations regarding their body and privacy needs to be an ongoing process, not just a one-off talk. Teach the child that it is OKAY to say no if they feel uncomfortable with how someone is touching them (even if it's parents!).

    We also won't be doing sleep-overs, unless it is with a family member who I trust explicitly (like my sister). This might sound full on, but in my previous job I worked with child sex offenders and I am telling you now that you would be doing the same if you read the things I read.

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    I'm the same neekie. Hugs xox

    Witwicky, I don't think it sounds over the top. Dh works in this area too and I was a victim myself so we are very careful too.

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  6. #14
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    Default Re: What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    My ds is 2,
    I am already teaching him body boundaries (eg if he does not want me to tickle him i stop, if he doesnt want to kiss or hug someone i respect that).

    He is only left with his grandparents, my sisters and at daycare (with my sister lol).

    At this stage idk how to go about the whole touching your body thing as he is in nappies and i cant just say only mum and you can touch you as his dad, grandparents and Aunties do change him

    Eta i am also teaching him that he is in control of what happens to his body and if he says no or stop i mostly respect that
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    Last edited by GuestMember; 17-08-2012 at 11:19.

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    It's also important to remember that being touched might not make the kids feel "yucky"...it can feel nice...which is why many kids are scared to tell etc.

    We have the book "every body's got a bottom" and have read with DS since he was 2...it provokes all sorts of conversations and that is how we have protected him. We have talked about everything...from doctors only being able to touch if mum or dad is there...to family member also not being allowed to touch....he choses who he hugs etc...we have talked about why he has to come to the toilet with me and not go into the mens alone...we have talked about mas.turba.tion feeling nice...we have talked about how it feels in your tummy/groin area when you "like someone"...we have talked about ok touching with someone your own age (kissing lol)...

    I believe that knowlegde and confidence for him and vigelience from us...will hopefully keep him safe. That said...

    I was a single mum and boys of single mums are apparently 6 times more likely than average to be abused...i was terrified! I didn't let any boyfriends meet DS till i had been with them 3 months and saw a future. He only met 2 men...1 a long term partner and one is now my DH.

    I don't leave my kids with anyone other than my mum or my sis and bil. DS now has the occasional sleep over with very good friends, but was not allowed until he could shower and dress totally independently...and, only with my friends that are single mums and who know that i would freak if they had someone else over lol

    we call body parts by their correct names...so that any complaint will be heard by anyone who he talks to.

    He also does karate...this is a long term plan for him to be safe and strong and protect himself...but reality is, he is 8 (dd not old enough yet) and a grown up could easily overpower him.

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    It's also important to remember that being touched might not make the kids feel "yucky"...it can feel nice...which is why many kids are scared to tell etc.

    him.
    Yes. This is so important! Kids can feel like it was their fault if they infact didn't feel completely horrible.

  10. #17
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    This is a topic i find hard to talk to DD about as she has great speech but her comprehension is low, pluss there are times that Drs and nurses have to touch her and for her it is more often than most kids due to her condition.

    We have a blanket rule at the hospital no matter what NO ONE touches her anywhere when im not with her not even a nurse to do her temp nothing no one does anything to her with out me in the room, and its not because i dont trust any of them it is because we have had to teach her that sometimes thing have to be done to her, sometimes we have to put tubes in her and check this that and the other, and its ok, BUT when is it ok is what we are teaching her.

    For most kids if they said i dont like this particular room as they stick things in me you would freak out but DD says that about radiology and she is right we had to have tubes put through her in that room, she is scarred its valid fear, and as a parent i find it hard to tell her that thats ok for them to do it, But i cant tell her not to let them because well she needs it, SO how we get around it is explaining to her that its ok when i am there and i explain to her what and why.

    We use pictures to explain to her what drs and nurses are going to do to her and why and we explain to her that im always in the room with her and its ok for her to say No.

    She knows that in hospital that its ok for the drs and nurses to examine her and do that they need to do but only when im there to explain it to her.

    She doesnt go to respite homes or anything liek that and i always stay with her at hospital, school she goes there by her self and they had to change her when she was in nappies and now help her with toileting and its hard to teach her whats ok and what not ok.

    I have told her that she needs to tell me if anyone touches her hurts her but how much she gets i dont know as we can hve a blanket thing of NO one touches you

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    Default What do you do to protect your children...warning, trigger topic

    Quote Originally Posted by Nowhere View Post
    This is a topic i find hard to talk to DD about as she has great speech but her comprehension is low, pluss there are times that Drs and nurses have to touch her and for her it is more often than most kids due to her condition.

    We have a blanket rule at the hospital no matter what NO ONE touches her anywhere when im not with her not even a nurse to do her temp nothing no one does anything to her with out me in the room, and its not because i dont trust any of them it is because we have had to teach her that sometimes thing have to be done to her, sometimes we have to put tubes in her and check this that and the other, and its ok, BUT when is it ok is what we are teaching her.

    For most kids if they said i dont like this particular room as they stick things in me you would freak out but DD says that about radiology and she is right we had to have tubes put through her in that room, she is scarred its valid fear, and as a parent i find it hard to tell her that thats ok for them to do it, But i cant tell her not to let them because well she needs it, SO how we get around it is explaining to her that its ok when i am there and i explain to her what and why.

    We use pictures to explain to her what drs and nurses are going to do to her and why and we explain to her that im always in the room with her and its ok for her to say No.

    She knows that in hospital that its ok for the drs and nurses to examine her and do that they need to do but only when im there to explain it to her.

    She doesnt go to respite homes or anything liek that and i always stay with her at hospital, school she goes there by her self and they had to change her when she was in nappies and now help her with toileting and its hard to teach her whats ok and what not ok.

    I have told her that she needs to tell me if anyone touches her hurts her but how much she gets i dont know as we can hve a blanket thing of NO one touches you
    Oh wow, that would be very difficult
    But least you can try

  12. #19
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    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
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    DS at the age of three naturally developed that sense of his penis being his private parts and not wanting me to clean them for him etc.. I am cool with that. DD is still too young yet. I too will be sure to tell them that if anyone ever makes them scared or uncomfortable or hurt them they can always tell mummy and I will never get cranky or mad.

    I guess at the end of the day there is only so much I can do and hope and pray that it never happens to them.

  13. #20
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    This is an area that terrifies me too. Its so heartbreakingly common.

    DD's had 2 discussions at school about it, with the 'everybody's got a bottom' book, and we've also talked to her about it starting at about age 4. Then again every year as she tends to forget. The school does it every year too, probably for much the same reason.

    And we always call body parts by their real names, no cute nicknames.

    We also have the no sleepover rule, which friends of ours have as well, after a police friend of ours recommended it. My mum and DH's mum are exceptions for now.

    If she has friends over I supervise, and they aren't allowed to close the bedroom door.

    I've also been doing a bit of research lately into child protection issues so our approach to it is always open to change after new information.
    Last edited by MissMuppet; 17-08-2012 at 13:24.


 

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