+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    So my best friend and I have been close for years. We fell preg together. And it was good. But now, we parent differently and it's straining our friendship. I feel like I need to break away, but I don't wanna be nasty. Anyone else felt like this?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    1234
    Posts
    2,821
    Thanks
    887
    Thanked
    583
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Re: Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    Quote Originally Posted by 88Mama View Post
    So my best friend and I have been close for years. We fell preg together. And it was good. But now, we parent differently and it's straining our friendship. I feel like I need to break away, but I don't wanna be nasty. Anyone else felt like this?
    Hi, in a way... Kind of. My bff and I went through a rather rough period where we pretty much "broke up". I had just had my first child and had PND and ptsd, she had just found out she was pregnant. We were in different stages of life even though our babies are only 9 months apart.

    Anyway, I just wanted to type and give you hope. After a rough 6 month period we slowly worked things out. Things that needed to be said were said and even though I was quite nasty she is a wonderfully forgiving person. It's now 4 years on and we have the best friendship ever, like sisters... Going on 20 years in 2014!

    ***Sent from my phone***

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    1234
    Posts
    2,821
    Thanks
    887
    Thanked
    583
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Re: Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    Oh, forgot to say... Yes the friendship has changed. We are both completely different people than we were pre babies. There were teething issues.... Maybe that is what you're going through with your friend? All you can do is be honest, give it lots of time and be flexible :-)

    ***Sent from my phone***

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    I just feel like everything is a competition now. And she can be such a know-it-all too. I'm am a pretty relaxed mum but she is very routine routine routine, all organic wah wah wah kinda mum. Which is Wat works for her. But she makes me feel like I have to justify everything I do!!
    Since having my LO I still like to be social. But every time I ask my friend to join me it's always her LO is due for a sleep, is asleep or is just feral. Got to the point where I just stopped asking her.
    It got to the point where I ended up just saying how I felt n she got offended. But it's how I feel n I can't help it. Talking to her though, hasnt changed a thing!!!
    I just think its time we both move on.
    But in saying that I feel she has depression (due to a lot of things that have happened since having her LO) as she has isolated herself and her family. I have tried my hardest to get her to talk to me or to a professional but she won't. When they told us they wanted to try for another baby I couldn't help but feel worried that she was just doing it to distract herself from issues that needed to be dealt with. Now she is preg and I am worried that she will crash n burn once this baby comes. But I don't wanna have to be the one to pick up the pieces. I've gotten to the point where I'm like "I've tried, I'm over it".
    Now I'm trying to slowly move on and she is carrying on that she is worried about me having depression but I don't have the heart to tell her that it's just her that's driving me insane!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    133
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    27
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    You can either cut her loose, or take the higher road and be there for her.
    If you no longer find value in your friendship it is probably doing more harm than good.

    Have you tried sitting down over a coffee and just saying to her that you miss her, but don't appreciate the way
    She turns things into a contest?

  6. #6
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Re: Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    What you say about her sounds a bit like I was with undiagnosed PND, trying hard to keep control, cutting people off etc.
    You've tried to help, people are just not always ready or able to accept it. That's not your fault or hers. It doesn't have to be the end of the friendship either, maybe you just need a bit of time and space until you both get thru this phase.
    I know how hard it can be, I had similar issues with my 'bff' ongoing for a couple of years now. I don't know how it will pan out.

    **Nothing spells as goof ash typo splats**

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    Your right MissTiggy. I have a mother with chronic depression and have tried my hardest to stay strong for her. It's so hard when u just wanna help and they knock u back. I feel obligated to be there for her coz she doesn't really have anyone else (on her own doing) but at the same time I'm sick of being there for everyone and just wanna focus on my own family an new preg. I just dot feel like I need her dragging me down. I guess I am just having a vent on here coz its what I need. Get it off my chest so I can move on

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to 88Mama For This Useful Post:

    Gothel  (16-08-2012)

  9. #8
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Re: Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    Well I hope getting it off your chest has helped. Its especially hard for you if this is an ongoing issue with others. The thing is, if you tell her "its over" then its hard to come back from that, and as you say you don't have the heart. You sound like a good friend, your heart is in the right place, there's no harm in setting a few boundaries and limits for a while. Just wait and see what happens with time.

    **Nothing spells as goof ash typo splats**

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    4
    Reviews
    0

    Default Anyone else's friendships change since having kids?

    Thanks MissTiggy

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    53
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    3
    Reviews
    0
    I think a little time, space & perspective might be good for all. Motherhood/parenthood is such a change & it takes adjustment. Some longer than others. We all respond differently too. No way is the right way. The problem is when you feel like you have nothing in common anymore & have nothing to say to each other. That's the bugger

    I'm 36 & my BFF is the best. I have known her since I was 5. She is yet to have a child, my difficulty sometimes is that whilst she knows & understands my priorities have changed she still complains how she never sees me. Yet I'm always the one to drive to see her. She hadn't been to my house in years. But it's har, she runs a cafe, by the time she opens it I'm running around with a 4 year old. She closes the cafe and I'm asleep in bed already... We lead different lives.

    Yet here's the things I still love her& she me. We don't get to see each other as often as we would like. But we're still each others BFF. I have known her too long to worry about our differences. We always have been sso different. Her the beauty queen miss popularity, outgoing , boys chasing after heretc. Me down too earth, awkward and seen regularly in jeans or tracked at best.


    I don't have a wise old secret here. We just accept each other & laugh at our differences & love the other person for them. But there have been rough patches. Aka me getting married, my miscarriage, the death of mmy mother, the birth of my DD. she has seen it all! So yes she doesn't come visit me. Okay it's upsetting sometimes . I still I've her


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 14-06-2012, 00:31
  2. Friendships & Being a new Mum
    By Manny in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 30-12-2011, 12:37

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Be In Blossom
We offer physiotherapy run pregnancy Pilates, pregnancy Aerobics, and Mummy Pilates & Baby Massage classes with a focus on optimising posture, body awareness, pelvic floor support, back care and maintaining fitness, aiming to assist women prepare and recover from their birth.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!