+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 29 of 29
  1. #21
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    10,123
    Thanks
    910
    Thanked
    1,165
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I don't think our school has.



    I think they've just left it up to parents.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    158
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked
    18
    Reviews
    0
    Firstly I just wanted to say that belittling her distress will not help her and this is only my opinion.

    When I was young I explored like that with other children, thats all it was, just exploring. I was never abused and I believe the other children weren't either. as we grew we realised it was inappropriate and we stopped, I don't think I have received any permenant damage over it. and I am still good friends with the other children invloved. I would not make a huge deal about it as it will only cause the child shame. Talk to the principal about it, If the other child has got these ideas through being abused then hopefully that will be investigated, but it is also possible it is just something he picked up on his own. Tell your friend to tell her son that it isn't appropriate, and your bodies are for yourself and nobody else, and he is a good boy for telling someone but dont go on a big rant and rave, especially not infront of the child. I hope it all works out for them

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Steph83 For This Useful Post:

    ~ElectricPink~  (22-10-2012)

  4. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    158
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked
    18
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    It's not her fault...and neither child should be blamed either.

    I know it can be a bit shocking...but kids experimenting at this age is not that rare. I know she wants to blame the other kid...but, is it possible...he suggested it and her DS agreed?

    Sure, you don't want it continuing but huge changes and seeming punishment (removed from his friends etc) and shaming his behaviour is going to cause more harm than the actual stuff that happened.

    I think having a talk about saying no and that it's OK to touch yourself etc...but for now, touching others or being touched by them is not OK. There is a great book called "everyone's got a bottom" that might help with this.

    My advice...tell her to take a few days...tell her it's OK and her lil man is going to be fine... tell her to remember that they are BOTH little boys and possibly just playing (her boy is now embarrassed but doesn't mean he was "abused").

    Hugs
    I agree with this.

  5. #24
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Gippsland
    Posts
    14,672
    Thanks
    1,209
    Thanked
    3,848
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Quote Originally Posted by Steph83 View Post
    Firstly I just wanted to say that belittling her distress will not help her and this is only my opinion.

    When I was young I explored like that with other children, thats all it was, just exploring. I was never abused and I believe the other children weren't either. as we grew we realised it was inappropriate and we stopped, I don't think I have received any permenant damage over it. and I am still good friends with the other children invloved. I would not make a huge deal about it as it will only cause the child shame. Talk to the principal about it, If the other child has got these ideas through being abused then hopefully that will be investigated, but it is also possible it is just something he picked up on his own. Tell your friend to tell her son that it isn't appropriate, and your bodies are for yourself and nobody else, and he is a good boy for telling someone but dont go on a big rant and rave, especially not infront of the child. I hope it all works out for them
    I agree with this. I also remember exploring like this at the same age and I was definitely NOT abused and I don't believe the other children involved were either.

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Launceston
    Posts
    13,466
    Thanks
    732
    Thanked
    2,355
    Reviews
    35
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Quote Originally Posted by WorkingClassMum View Post
    Do not question the child any further. He needs to be allowed to speak in his own terms and his own pace and she will need guidance from a pychologist about when and how to talk to him.

    At this stage do not introduce any new information to the child either.

    Tell the principal immediately and also see her GP for a referral to family counselling. Family counselling is not as scarey as it sounds and for kids this young it often play-based

    The principal will be required to contact DOCS/DHS as well and the other child will probably be removed from the school as he also poses a risk to other kids.

    Bravehearts is a wonderful place to start also for info, guidance and advice.

    Goodluck
    GREAT advice like always.

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    158
    Thanks
    20
    Thanked
    18
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    Yes, kids experimenting is not rare, kids playing dr's and being curious is not rare, kids playing "show me yours I'll show you mine" is NORMAL....

    Kids putting genitals in their mouths....is......not. It's sexualised behaviour, not experimentation.
    Although it is possible the child picked it up from being abused, I do believe this is experimental behaviour. Babies and young children have a natural reflex to explore with their mouths. and a young child may also realise that touching his penis feels nice. He may have wanted to know what it feels like to put it in a mouth and then after trying it found he liked it and continued to do it. Don't judge the child or the parents at this stage. It could be completely innocent.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Steph83 For This Useful Post:

    Hollywood  (17-08-2012)

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    In the sticks!!
    Posts
    20,635
    Thanks
    3,222
    Thanked
    2,540
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts

    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Omgosh. This actually makes me feel shaky and nauseous reading this

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    791
    Thanks
    18
    Thanked
    182
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    I have no advice

    Your poor friend. This is just so awful. (((

  11. #29
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    10,123
    Thanks
    910
    Thanked
    1,165
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts

    Default Update:

    Just thought I'd give an update.


    Well she and her DH went and saw the principal and deputy and explained the situation to them.

    There has been a history of bullying between her son and this other boy since day care (small town).

    She said that once her son had told them what was going on, it was like he was a completely different kid again. Back to his normal happy self, like he could just go , Oh I've dropped the burden on Mum and Dad now, they can look after it.

    They've decided to keep him at the school, they gave him the option of moving to the other class, but he wants to stay in his class (where the other child is and also my son) all the staff have been told, and they will be making sure that K (my friends son) and the other little boy are fully supervised.
    K has also been given his own toilet, not for any other student use, and has been shown how to lock it. He also knows that if he is feeling scared or picked on or just needs to get away he can go up to the office.

    Of course, my friend is not focusing on the sexual act with K, just the idea of bullying and feeling like he has to do something he doesn't want to do. Understanding his own boundaries. They've also enrolled him in karate so he has a bit more self confidence. And they are seeing a counsellor who specialises in this kind of thing.

    The school is dealing with the appropriate avenues with the other little boy, so hopefully everything should get sorted out on his end too.

    At the moment I know he's spending lunchtimes playing football with some other kids on the oval (my son included) which I think is good. I've always really liked both kids.

    I think that's everything......


 

Similar Threads

  1. Support Marriage equality?? show your support here - [link]
    By FiveInTheBed in forum General Chat
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 25-03-2012, 20:50
  2. Need support? I'm a student midwife wanting to support you!
    By midwifetobee in forum Student Midwives & Doulas
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 19-02-2012, 13:14
  3. How can i support my friend? What does it all mean?
    By parentingrocks in forum Serious Health Issues
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-02-2012, 20:19

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Cryosite Family Cord Blood & Tissue Bank
Cryosite has been providing Cord Blood Banking services for over 12 years, and is the trusted choice of Australian families. To discuss the benefits of banking your baby's cord blood & tissue stem cells call us on 1800 220 410.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!