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  1. #11
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    She shouldn't make any rash decisions. The first step would be to notify the school immediately particularly as it happened there. I assume they will have to report the matter to docs (or equivalent for your state). They will let you know how to handle it. She should be careful not to make a huge deal out of it until she receives some advice. She should just listen to and support her son. I wouldn't automatically jump and change schools as this can be traumatic for him also & may make him feel like he has been moved because he has done something wrong.

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  3. #12
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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Honestly, the best support you can be is to just listen to her, and reiterate its not her fault in any way, and support her decisions. It's so heartbreaking a situation, and she needs to be able to feel that she can be honest with you and let it all out. It's sounds like you are being a fantastic friend already.

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  5. #13
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    It's not her fault...and neither child should be blamed either.

    I know it can be a bit shocking...but kids experimenting at this age is not that rare. I know she wants to blame the other kid...but, is it possible...he suggested it and her DS agreed?

    Sure, you don't want it continuing but huge changes and seeming punishment (removed from his friends etc) and shaming his behaviour is going to cause more harm than the actual stuff that happened.

    I think having a talk about saying no and that it's OK to touch yourself etc...but for now, touching others or being touched by them is not OK. There is a great book called "everyone's got a bottom" that might help with this.

    My advice...tell her to take a few days...tell her it's OK and her lil man is going to be fine... tell her to remember that they are BOTH little boys and possibly just playing (her boy is now embarrassed but doesn't mean he was "abused").

    Hugs

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    Do not question the child any further. He needs to be allowed to speak in his own terms and his own pace and she will need guidance from a pychologist about when and how to talk to him.

    At this stage do not introduce any new information to the child either.

    Tell the principal immediately and also see her GP for a referral to family counselling. Family counselling is not as scarey as it sounds and for kids this young it often play-based

    The principal will be required to contact DOCS/DHS as well and the other child will probably be removed from the school as he also poses a risk to other kids.

    Bravehearts is a wonderful place to start also for info, guidance and advice.

    Goodluck

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    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post

    I think having a talk about saying no and that it's OK to touch yourself etc...but for now, touching others or being touched by them is not OK. There is a great book called "everyone's got a bottom" that might help with this.



    Hugs
    Not wanting to pick your post apart, but do not introduce any new info at this stage.

    To do so will cause further confusion to her DS, especially if he decides to blame himself.

    My extended family were told specifically to not introduce new info after a bad experience until her children started received professional help

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  11. #16
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    At the ages they are I'm pretty sure neither of them really understand what's going on. I'm a little concerned that moving schools and stuff might esculate it into something that it needn't be. Especially after reading that bravehearts website.

    She is seeking counselling for him and letting the school know. On the schools part I know they have to submit forms that go to both the police and child services because it is of a sexual nature, but I think that parents have the option of seeking professional help for their child (for L) and as long as they do that and can have it verified (to show they are trying to find out what's going on with L) child services will not just take him. He has a twin sister and also an older sister and they moved to this school at the end of last year because of some messy family stuff...

    recent changes to visitation rights in L's family could be triggering his acting out, especially if he's feeling insecure or scared at home....

    Just completely sucks for K.

    Hopefully when she talks to the school tomorrow they'll be able to come up with a plan.

    I don't think either of the boys should be punished. I'm devastated for my friend, but also so horrified to think of what L has/could have been exposed to, as it is just something that is SSOO out of the spectrum of thoughts that would ever even enter K's head (or any of my kids).

    She's basically said to him that he doesn't ever have to do anything that doesn't feel right inside just to be friends with someone. And that you don't HAVE to play a game you don't like just because you want that person to like you. And that they were very glad that he could tell them.

    This is after she told me at playgroup today that this morning he told her we was going to "bash" her (that is NOT language their family uses!) and it really threw her. So I saw her at playgroup and then she found this stuff out when he came home from school..

    It's hard for K as he doesn't make friends very easily. My son, Jordan, is in the same class (it's a 1/2) and has said on many occasions that K is annoying... so he does find it hard to make friends, and
    Last edited by OJandMe; 14-08-2012 at 22:58.

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    Default Re: How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    I think some of the info provided has been pretty good. Your poor friend, how stressful!
    I agree that children this age do sometimes do these things (not that it makes the situation "okay
    And that it would be best for your friend to just contact dcp and go from there, following their advice. If it were my son, I would probably try not to make it into a big thing right now by pulling him out of school. I don't know if that's right or not, but Id be afraid of shaming him and making him feel more guilty. I dunno. It seems really tough.
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I know it can be a bit shocking...but kids experimenting at this age is not that rare.
    Yes, kids experimenting is not rare, kids playing dr's and being curious is not rare, kids playing "show me yours I'll show you mine" is NORMAL....

    Kids putting genitals in their mouths....is......not. It's sexualised behaviour, not experimentation.

    She's in no way blaming L, just is gutted that this has happened to K. She's just as worried for L, but her son is her first priority.

    I definitely agree about the pulling him out though.. it might make it a bigger issue for him. He's happy at school and has been to this point.

    Probably just help for L and reiteration that those are not games you play with people would suffice at this stage... and let the school administration deal with the harder stuff.
    Last edited by OJandMe; 14-08-2012 at 23:04.

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    Default Re: How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    My sons school is currently doing protective behaviours with the kids. They talk about private touching etc. Do you know if your school has done this? Its really good that the little boy was able to tell his mum.

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    How awful for both boys I hope child protection has a good look into this other boys life.

    I don't think moving schools would be the best move at this stage either but I can understand that being a natural reaction


 

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