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  1. #1
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    One of my best friends has just found out from her 6 year old that another student at our school has been sexually inappropriate with him.

    She is gutted.

    Story goes.

    K (her son) was acting out of sorts this afternoon. She asked him if he got in trouble at school today. He said "yes, because me and L (other student) kept going to the toilet"
    She asked why he kept going, did he REALLY need to go or was he just trying to get out of work?
    K went all white and said it was he and L were "doing sex" and then he started crying.

    She called me, as I know her son, and the other child and the school, as my boys go there, and I work supply there. And asked what to do.

    Apart from advising her to find out what K defines 'doing sex' as, and calling the school and going see the deputy tomorrow.. I'm really stumped.

    Fast forward a few hours and she lets me know that "doing sex' means putting each others 'wees' [penises] in their mouths.

    Now K is very upset about the whole thing, as he feels guilty. L is only the same age as him, they are both in grade 1. L is from a very messy background which raises major alarm bells about what HE is being exposed to, which I'm sure the school will be very dilligent with...

    But how do I support MY friend? I have no idea. She's absolutely gutted and just feels sick and angry that this could happen to one of her children.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? I just don't know what to do to support her.

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Wow

    So sad.

    I don't know, maybe organise session for her and her son with school counsellor.

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    OJandMe  (14-08-2012)

  4. #3
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    missybubble is offline I'm a strange one, but I'm good at it :)
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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    I'm so sorry this has happened to your friend's son

    I don't have any experience with this sort of thing but it sounds like you've already done everything you can, just continue to be there for her. You sound like a great friend. Massive to all of you.

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    OJandMe  (14-08-2012)

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    I had a work friend who went through something similarly lately. Tell her to get online and look at support groups for this type of thing. One of them has some great info online (just can't think of the name of it). She also spoke to the school about the boys not being left alone together and spoke to the parents of the child involved (who they already had a friendly relationship with) to discuss how it happened. If she is concerned that the other boy has learnt the behaviour from somewhere then reporting it to the schools could be the right step but it is up to what they feel comfortable with. I know the person I know, was worried about the other child and contemplated going to DOCS or the police but didn't because she felt the family got the child the appropriate help. We also got the mum to speak with our employee assistance program to talk through how she was feeling and offered this service to her family so they all felt supported. If I can find the name of the organisation I will post it for you.

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    OJandMe  (14-08-2012)

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    I would advise her to contact the school , docs , the other boys parents and a counsellor .

    Poor little boy.

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    OJandMe  (14-08-2012)

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    It might be worth your friend talking to the relevant child protection agency in your state. They might choose to investigate further to ensure that the other child is not currently in a vulnerable situation, contributing to this behaviour.

    ETA - as per PP, it's important that the school and other boy's parents know, and perhaps some sessions with a child psychologist to check in with how the boy is coping, offer him support, and support & suggest some strategies for your friend.
    Last edited by ABigDeepBreath; 14-08-2012 at 21:46.

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  12. #7
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    She's thinking best course of action will be to change schools .

    Which is sad, as K has an awesome teacher, and her other little guy J and my Gabriel are good friends and were going to start in the same class next year. But she won't send J now.

    She doesn't 'want' to move him, because we are regional and this is the only main****** state school around. All the others are 2 or 3 teacher schools with very few kids and combined classes. She doesn't want that.

    very hard situation

    K shouldn't have to leave school because of this. But my friend doesn't want him having to see L all the time, they even sit at the same desk group in class.

    So freaking awful

    We are very worried about L (the other boy) as he comes from a really messy background. Abuse to him (or to one of the other kids in their family) or exposure to pornographic material would not surprise us.
    Last edited by OJandMe; 14-08-2012 at 21:46.

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    http://www.bravehearts.org.au/facts_and_information.ews. Bravehearts is the org she spoke to.

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Have DoCs been called at all? With respect to the other child as you guys are worried about him?

    What an awful thing to happen. Just offer an ear to lend whenever your friend needs it but also look after yourself too as it can be distressing to hear such stories

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    Default How can I support my friend while she's going through this????

    Oh they poor little things I'd say she should keep K home from school for a bit while she notifies the appropriate people and finds out what the schools course of action is going to be.. There may be no need to take him out of school. If your concerns about L are correct he may be taken elsewhere by authorities iykwim? Tell her not to make any hasty decisions until she has spoken to the school, DOCs etc.

    to all involved and you too G

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