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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default How do you move on?

    I had a horrible birth experience with my first dd and now after fifteen months I am feeling very much like its time to move on and think of having another child.
    But I can't let go of it.
    Any of it.
    Her birth was an emergency csection and I really don't recall half of what happened.
    I was never comfortable with my doctor through the pregnancy but didn't want to be rude and change.
    We have now moved rurally and after my issues following birth that the doctors can't even explain I don't know if I will be allowed to birth out of a major hospital. I don't understand what happened and have never had it explained in English to me.
    I still feel disconnected at times to my dd she is very much a daddys girl. I feel she bonded to him as I wasn't there for her in the first couple of hours. I breastfed for just over twelve months through a lot of pain just so I could feel that connection and love. but now
    we have weaned it seems she has attached back to dad again.
    The problem is he really wants a son and I'm very worried that if he gets one he will dump her and she will suffer. He has said it won't happen but my father has always said if only I had a son it would be different and as we have a farm the whole son to take over thing rears up even though I have always worked next to him.
    I don't know if I am strong enough to cope with another baby especially if the same things happen with bonding. Im not a natural mother and the problems with bonding and birth have shown me that.
    I'm not very comfortable talking about these things and have never found a health nurse or doctor I feel comfortable with so just hold it all inside. My friends have all had natural straightforward births and don't seem to understand.
    I almost lost it when my dd was born and ended up back in hospital but I hardened up and they just put it down to baby blues.
    So my question is how do you move on within yourself without seeking help? Is there a way? Do I just bite the bullet get pregnant again and hope for the best?
    Will it ever heal?

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Adelaide foothills
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Oh my lord, how terrible for you
    I can't begin to think where you are right now only that I can relate.
    I had an emergency e-section but unlike you I understood why I had to have it and understood the procedure as I have a medical background. However, I've only JUST bonded with my son and it happened out of the blue...and probably when I was ready to experience. However, I also sought out a professional I felt comfortable with and that meant going through a few duds!
    Eventually I found a mental health nurse and I was able to make sense of my thoughts and feelings.

    I must comment something about this:

    He has said it won't happen but my father has always said if only I had a son it would be different and as we have a farm the whole son to take over thing rears up even though I have always worked next to him.
    Someone needs to remind this man what happened during the war. The women worked and the nation prospered while the men were away fighting. Women CAN run farms, they CAN do ANYTHING and this crappy notion of male succession is not only..well...crappy, it's unworkable. I would heartily REJECT this notion.

    However, to answer your question, the only way I found out how to move on was to actively make the decision to move on and set about finding and enlisting ways that would help me to do that. But you do move on. Eventually. If you let it.


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