My MIL is seen by most people as 'really nice'.
She is a lovely lady, and does have a big heart, and cares so much about her grandchildren.
I find her 'niceness' too much sometimes and find her to be overbearing.
Whenever we visit she will pull DS out of my arms without asking and constantly smothers him. It is like I don't exist. She is extremely over the top with preparing the house etc for him. I wish she'd just relax when we're around. I can feel DS getting frustrated by her as he is now 14 months and often wants to do his own thing, but she always has to hold him and carry him around like he is still a small baby. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and guilty that I get frustrated by her, like I must be an awful person to not appreciate having a MIL that is too nice.
She says things to me such as 'thank you for ALLOWING' DS and Husband to visit when they go on their own, which to me almost insinuates that I am controlling and that they need my permission to see her. I am NOT like that at all, and often encourage visits because I want my son to have a relationship with his grandparents. It makes me feel so awful.
She also constantly gives me advice about how to look after children and refers back to her experience as a family day carer - 20 years ago. In any one visit she will probably bring this up at least 2-3 times.
When DS is eating, she will try and push food into his mouth, even though I encourage baby led weaning and self feeding, and he is sitting next to me.
Today I reached breaking point. I left DS with her for a few hours, which I hardly ever do, but thought it would be nice for them to spend time together as she keeps telling me she wants to take him to the park. DS bumped his head while I was still there and began to cry. I started to walk over to him to comfort him and she scooped him up, turned her back to me and walked away. My heart ached for him as I could tell he was really upset. She sat on the ground with him and tried to distract him with toys but he kept crying so I sat down next to them. Finally I said, 'I can tell he's really hurt, that is his hurt cry' and took him off her to give him a cuddle. She stood up and stormed off into the kitchen. It was like she was trying to prove that she could settle him. Fair enough if I wasn't there, but I'm his mother! She has done a similar thing before when he hurt himself and told me that I shouldn't show him that I'm upset and to keep my emotions to myself because I will upset him more. I'm not one to make a fuss over every little bump and scrape, but if I can tell he is really hurt, rather than just whinging, I will comfort him and will show concern.
I really can't stand it anymore as it has been happening since DS was born and I feel it is getting worse. It makes me feel like I am worthless as a mother and that she has no confidence in the way I parent DS. The first time it ever happened DS was only a few days and she tried to pull him off me while he was breastfeeding. I literally had to put my hand up and say 'no!' She often makes comments about wanting DS to come over more often (she sees him at least 2-3 times a week at the moment), but I feel myself not wanting to take him there anymore because of how she obsesses over him. My husband has also witnessed her behavior and keeps telling me to say something, but I know she will over react and be deeply hurt and offended if I do. I really need to get what I say to her right and need some advice on how to go about it!