Thank you everyone for the wonderful ideas.
I've sent my friend off a box with a lovely a4 note book, a bottle of jim beam, a pack of smokes and lighter (she's a smoker and loves her beam on occassion, I know not the most sensible gift but she will get use of them!!) and a bottle of womens multivitamins.
I wrote a little note saying i dont have words, but to know that i am here for her for anything she needs.
I will be going to the funeral, i will take along a special toy and a few woolies gift cards, and i might order her some online groceries this week.