The only advice I can give (I was a child and parents broke up) is don't talk about your ex in a bad way to your child... It was something my mum did and it really affected me. I have grown up now and can see how selfish my dad can be at times (he has only had negative comments about my pregnancy, and only ever had negative comments about one of my exs) but when I was a kid I thought he was the bees knees and threatened to move in with him whenever my mum upset me. I was 10+ at the time. My dad had this unspoken rule of not talking about mum in his house but whenever I had something bad to say about her or her partner of the time, he encouraged it... I can see now how badly these two relationships affected my life and how it was shaped.
All I say is just let your kid go on about it, and even though it can be upsetting, let him have his hero and find a supportive friend who is more than happy to listen to you have a cry about this. Or try to explain that mummy and daddy aren't friends because daddy hurt mummy a while ago...
Hope this helps and sending lots of love and hugs :-)
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Hugs Benji. It's one of those ****ful situations that is completely unfair and you are doomed if you do and doomed if you don't.
Vicpark had a good idea that might help a little, I have nothing but a hug. Hope you are ok.
My Mother told me when I had DD that no matter what I did, Daddy would always be the hero, and it's so true. Sigh. I do all the hard yards, and go a bit nutsy every now and then, but as soon as FOB is around, the hero worship sets in. She only turned 4, so it isn't too hard yet, but I have seen it in other kids...even the ones who don't know their Fathers at all. My best friend's daughter around this age had a total fantasy imaginary life about a man she had never met, not even seen a picture of, or knew his name. But he was amazing and she was going to run off to live with him in a caravan. I remember when we were little we used to sit out the front and wait for our rich parents to come and get us, and tell us we'd been adopted by trolls..so a little bit of a fantasy life for kids is normal.
I think the book idea is great...it would be so hard to hear all of it. It's a hard thing to live. Take it one day at a time. This is just another horrible part of being a single parent. There are so many. But so much smiling and nodding and grinding of teeth. Maybe work on a list of positive things that FOB does, no matter how small. The times when he has visited his son, etc. so you can have those in mind and not think about the bad when your son is speaking about him. Write down the bad, take them to your counsellor, and do as much as you can to keep him out of your life. Work on those away from your son, and the positive with your son. I know we have code words for FOB...we call him Brad Pitt, so we can talk about him in front of DD..It'll be something like "Brad Pitt stole money out of Angelina's wallet again...can you believe it?" Maybe give him a fake name, and think of him that way. I don't know, it helps me.
Oh yes, his dad will always be the hero. I'm the mean mummy who makes kids eat vegies and brush their teeth and go to school. So awful, I know
I don't even mind that he thinks of his father as a hero. I remember telling my dad that I wanted a new mum because she was so mean all because he was a softie who would let me eat lollies all day and never said no to me.
I do like the book idea - I have no intention to stop him from feeling certain things about his dad, I just need to not hear about it 24/7 as it's too triggering. He just finished from a visit so I'm feeling on edge but the good news is I won't have to deal with this for a few months, maybe more.
ROFL at the caravan! How cute!
your son has a lifetime ahead of him to know what his father is really like, its hard but every time he talks about how great his dad is try and just keep telling yourself it's his innocence talking and before you know it your little man is going to be all grown up and will know how hard/tough and unfair life really is.
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