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  1. #1
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    Default How do you explain it to little ones?

    My DS sees his father a handful of times per year and only if he is going to his father's parent's house (long story - ex is untrustworthy).

    Anyway, because of this DS thinks his dad is the bees knees. Of course, because he only sees him every now and again he can feed him junk and let him do whatever he wants. I don't have a problem with this per se, I'd probably feel the same if it was only very occasionally.

    My problem is, DS keeps talking about his dad... it's constant. And it's very triggering for me when he goes on about how 'great' his dad is. I have been financially, emotionally, and sexually abused by this man. Every time we bump into each other now he has some snide comment to say about me - either my looks, my home life, or just how crap I am in general.

    How can I explain to DS that I need him to not talk to me about his dad because it hurts me BUT that I don't want him to feel he can't love his dad or that he has to choose a side. This isn't about that, but getting him to understand that things went wrong and mum and dad aren't exactly the best of friends.

    ****PLEASE ONLY SINGLE PARENTS OR POSITIVE REPLIES ONLY****

    I don't need to be told how crap or selfish I am - I get that enough from FOB.

  2. #2
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    Subbing.
    (((hugs)))) so hard love. No advice but I feel your pain so much!!
    x

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    I don't think you're crap or selfish hun but for me, I want my boys to know that they can talk to me about anything so when they bang on about how awesome dad is, I just make non committal listening sounds and then change the subject.

    How old is your DS?

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    Quote Originally Posted by faroutbrusselsprout View Post
    Subbing.
    (((hugs)))) so hard love. No advice but I feel your pain so much!!
    x
    Thanks fobs Hopefully someone will have some advice for us both!

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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    How old is your DS?
    He's 6 years old

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    That sounds like a mega tough situation, one of my best friends is in the same spot.

    How old is your son? Is he old enough to explain things too, or still too little.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    He's 6 years old
    Same age as my eldest. It's definitely tough, especially when he comes home saying dad bought us Lego and new scooters and this and that, yet he owes over $1000 in child support and I have bills to pay so can't spoil the kids occasionally. Makes me very angry.

    Do you think you could just change the subject when he brings up FOB? Like 'dad blah blah blah' and you can just say 'yeah that's awesome. How bout we go do xyz?'

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    yeah it sux to hear how awesome your ex is, how he buys things, lets them stay up, doesnt make them do chores, blah blah blah. Ultimately though, the only fair and real thing you can do that wont confuse or alienate your child is to do as suggest above, make oh yeah, wow, ok, cool, ahuh sounds and move the subject right along.
    If you try to stop them talking about their dad, they will be confused and not understand thinking something is wrong (which there is, but they dont need to know that) and we do want them to be able to tell us anything, esp if something is making them uncomfy at their Dad's house.
    Its tough, I know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Do you think you could just change the subject when he brings up FOB? Like 'dad blah blah blah' and you can just say 'yeah that's awesome. How bout we go do xyz?'
    I've been doing this and he is pretty easily distracted which is good. It's just becoming constant.

    I'm feeling very on edge after yet another attack from FOB (in front of DS as always) and hearing the constant talk about him has left me very distressed.

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    No advice as I have no idea, it must be so hard.

    I know it's not the same, but DD often cries for her Dad. Last night I asked her if she missed me while she was with her Dad for the weekend. She said "nup".

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to shelle65 For This Useful Post:

    Benji  (13-08-2012)


 

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