Would you be annoyed?

**Jennaisme** · 15-08-2012 09:11

Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico

I think you're projecting a smidge?

OP, you be right.

Don't we all judge a situation based on our past experiences? Me and my best mates DP get along very well now, no problems or anything, but I've been in the situation, so I based it on my experiences.

**beebs** · 15-08-2012 09:35

I think you and this other person need to get past your differences, you don't have to like each other, but at the end of the day if she is a good friend to her then there should be no picking and choosing anyone over anyone you know what I mean?.

If however you have tried to be civil and she isn't giving you anything in return at all, then I would explain that to your DP because that isn't fair either.

I guess in a perfect world I would hope that everyone can get past their differences, but I realise that is sometimes not the case.

Originally Posted by rainbow road

Totally hypothetical but:

If you were getting married and your fiancé chose a best man/maid of honour who you knew hated you, would you be angry they were still going to have them?

**beebs** · 15-08-2012 09:47

I just went back and re-read the whole thread. And so now I think I understand better, this woman is a workmate not a friend, they haven't known each other long and she says things about your relationship. Well that changes my opinion to be honest.

If she was a best friend and had been in your DPs life for a long time - then you should both work at it to remain civil for your DP and that includes letting her be bridesmaid.

But if she is some random blow in - who doesn't know either of you that well, then of course she shouldn't, especially if she is saying bad things behind your back.

**beebs** · 15-08-2012 09:54

I agree with you Jennaisme, My best friends I have known for years and we are like family. I was in a crap relationship at one stage and they told me off for it, of course I didn't listen. But I didn't hate them either, I knew they were just concerned. And they were right too, it was a crap relationship and I am so lucky to be out of it. The difference is I suppose, is that I didn't run to my partner at the time and say "guess what, my best friends hate you", If I had I am sure he would have been upset.

My best friends are really important to me, and so is their opinion and I say things to them when I am worried. It is what you do when you care about people.

OP - sounds like this friend of your DP has just seen negative venting and has taken it literally, not seeing perhaps that it was a vent and not anything more??

Originally Posted by Jennaisme

You asked, I answered, and then gave my opinion. I must have mis-read one of your posts to have thought she was one of your DP's best mates who'd known her a few years, so I apologise for the misunderstanding on that part.

I do, however, stand by the rest. Your best friends are the ones who tell you the things that you don't WANT to hear, but you need to regardless, if only so you have a different perspective on things. Good friends are the ones who tell you things that you do, to make you happy.

And it wasn't meant in an angry way, it's just how I speak when I get frustrated and angry with situations like this. And so it wasn't aimed at you, just general frustration, mainly because I was in that situation and it's one of the most frustrating things ever, so I feel sorry for other people in it and frustrated on their behalf.
So I apologise if you took it to heart, I didn't mean to offend you by my angryness.

**rainbow road** · 15-08-2012 10:11

I'm totally over it anyway. The only thing I objected to with Jennaisme's post was the tone and rudeness. She can have whatever opinion she wants.

However the implication that there's truth to her thoughts is obviously hurtful because it's suggesting I am a crap partner, that we will be crap parents and that my DP is better off without me. Which is not something one wants to hear- one being both DP and myself.

Fortunately we won't be getting married so this won't be an issue.

**rainbow road** · 15-08-2012 10:18

Also DP did not run to me saying her friend hated me. She came to me in tears because she had tried to tell her friend we were ttc and was devastated that her friend did not offer any support at all, only criticism.

Of all the people we've told who know us, she's the only person who has anything negative to say. Others have asked "can you afford it?" etc in a way that doesn't imply we are completely irresponsible people who just woke up and decided to have a baby

Other people respect that fact that we've been emotionally and psychically planning for this for over a year and even if they do think we are too young, acknowledge that we aren't making this kind of decision lightly.

**beebs** · 15-08-2012 10:34

I wasn't having a go at you RR, I was just trying to see it from a best friends point of view, but you clarified that she wasn't a best friend, so it doesn't really matter.

And at the end of the day - if you and your partner are ready to have a baby. Then that is great - it seems like you have put a huge amount of thought into it, which so many people don't. And you can tell already that you two are going to love your baby more than anything.

Honestly - it is just hard to answer these types of questions as we don't know anyone involved. I thought at first that this must be a a long term best friend too.

**rainbow road** · 15-08-2012 10:44

Originally Posted by beebs

I wasn't having a go at you RR, I was just trying to see it from a best friends point of view, but you clarified that she wasn't a best friend, so it doesn't really matter.

And at the end of the day - if you and your partner are ready to have a baby. Then that is great - it seems like you have put a huge amount of thought into it, which so many people don't. And you can tell already that you two are going to love your baby more than anything.

Honestly - it is just hard to answer these types of questions as we don't know anyone involved. I thought at first that this must be a a long term best friend too.

Nah it's all good. I'm feeling a bit emotional today.

Like I said, DP doesn't haven't many friends. She tends to get really close to people she's only known for a while and then it tapers off after a while. So even though they're best friends, it's not like me and my best friend, who has known me since I was 4. You just can't get that level of intimacy (IMO).

Her oldest friends (who she rarely sees but they've known each other for ten years) are completely supportive of us as are her family, so I am trying not to pay attention to this girl because I know she's definitely the minority.

But it still irritates me, because I've been nothing but nice to her and now find out she dislikes me and it was a waste of energy trying to get to know her.

They met at police college and work in adjacent areas but DP works at the base station that her friend has to go to quite often. So they've gone through a lot together in terms of training etc but (IMO) don't really know each other outside of that context.

They usually get together to drink as well, so I think that definitely will impact how someone takes in stuff that they discuss.

**missybubble** · 15-08-2012 11:17

If this girl isn't supportive of you guys TTC, I think that's a huge warning sign

Any chance she might be transferred to another station or something?

**LaDiDah** · 15-08-2012 11:27

I haven't read all of the replies but I refused to allow OH to have a guy he had originally picked as one of his 2 best men at the wedding cause this guy had made a move on me while I was with OH. he had laughed it off but it really made me uncomfortable and also the lack of respect he showed for OH in doing it meant I didn't want him anywhere near our wedding! The guy got really ****y and botchy about it with OH when he told him but I'm glad he wasn't there and at the end of the day OH wanted me to be comfortable!