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  1. #1
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    Default Feel guilty bringing bub #2 home...

    Hi. I have a 2.5 year old DS who has been everything to me. I am probably too protective of him and he is quite spoilt. Our fault and something we are working on. We had a little girl last week and have been home for two days. DS has shown a bit of jealousy but nothing major - mostly disinterest if anything. However I seem to have the problem with the change in feelings towards DS. I feel so sorry for him. His sister is a frequent feeder at the moment and I am focusing everything on her. DS has had to play with his toys by himself for the first time (I mean he has played independently a lot but I have always been available to play when he's wanted me to). I feel so sorry for him just playing by himself with no choice while I'm feeding DD. I know it's irrational but it feels so strange for me not focusing all my attention on him. Has anyone felt like this? I have no idea how the next few months are going to be. Not going out as much, less attention etc.

  2. #2
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    It's totally normal to feel that way

    Can you read to him while you are feeding? It wont hurt him to have a little independent time and he will soon adjust.

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    chubbasmummy  (12-08-2012)

  4. #3
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    I can't help you, but I feel for you! My DS is 20 months and I'm due in march next year. I'm scared for the exact same reason you are (DS gets so much time.. Ivf baby after 4 years of trying.. He is my angel!!)
    I hope everything goes well for you, and I hope you get some help/answers soon! So feel for you!!!

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    chubbasmummy  (12-08-2012)

  6. #4
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    Aw hugs. It's a massive adjustment and not one that gets a lot of consideration in the books.

    It gets easier...truly. Ffrenchk is right...reading is an excellent way to interact while feeding. I have a 19 month gap so know exactly what you're talking about.

    Try and keep some toys, books and snacks in arms reach not DS and get him to help tickle DD's toes while feeding to keep her awake (if she dozes off mid-feed!).

    In time you'll be expert at doing lots of things while feeding...yesterday I was connecting train carriages while feeding my squirmy 7 month old!!

    Oh and make the most of DD's naptime to do something special with DS...I had to learn to get over housework and stuff and prioritise DS. I tried to do one really special thing each day...especially in the early days.

    Good luck hun...completely natural feelings but probably amplified thanks to all those raging baby hormones :-).

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    chubbasmummy  (12-08-2012)

  8. #5
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    i felt the same way when ds#2 arrived. i was a mess. i was way more upset than ds#1 was...he wasnt entirely bothered by his new brother or that i couldnt spend as much time with him, he was still happy, it was me over thinking and feeling it.

    its perfectly normal to feel this way, but unless you can see your little guy being upset, theres a good chance he isnt.

    reading is a good suggestion, a little table with activities set up right near the lounge or wherever u normally, ask him to make things for you...drawing etc...

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  10. #6
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    I know how you feel! DS is 18 months and DD is due in 8 weeks! I have already thought about all this and have also posted a thread a while ago now about this.

    Even though DD is not born yet, but I feel sorry for DS already. I am so worried about how hes going to cope, hes a mummy's boy and he LOVES playing with me, and we sleep together and Only lets me feed him. I am so scared that he would feel left out.

    But I had some positive replies from mums with 2 bubs under 2 or 3, it will be difficult at first with a newborn, but things will improve after a while and soon enough they will be playing together!

    My plan is to spend as much time as I can with DS with DD is sleeping, try to get DH to help with the feeding (I will be expressing into a bottle for him to feed). I would try to still sleep with DS try to minimise the changes around the house. It would be stressful, I dont even know if this is going to work at all! So fingers crossed!
    Hope everything will work out for you

  11. #7
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    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
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    Hi OP

    I could have wrote your post word for word a year and a half ago when I had my second , my kids are almost 14 months apart .

    My sister came over everyday for the first week and everyday I was crying , because I felt sorry for DS as he pottered around the house playing on he's own. Mind you he was FINE, he literally ignored dd for the first 6 months like she didn't exist but I still felt bad . She actually said to me last week that her and my dad were very worried I wasn't going to cope with two because I was such a mess.

    HOWEVER .... Before I knew it I adapted ! So I'm certainly not taking away from how horrible the feeling is but please hang in there , as things settle and you adapt to having to spread yourself between two the guilt will ease

    Good luck and congrats on your little girl !!!

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    Ds1 was 21 months when ds2 come home. In the afternoons daddy would do some special things with him (playing trains, colouring, etc) while I'd do tea, then he'd look after ds2 so I could do the bath and bed time routine uninterrupted. In the early days I'd often read to him and lay down to nap with him, so we still had calm happy times. We'd have a snack an he would colour while I fed his little brother. As he for older it got easier as feeds were more efficient and he would love playing with the baby toys showing his brother how they worked and the older try get the more try interact/better friends try are.

    I think the main thing is making sure you can set aside a small amount of time to dedicate just to him, and as others suggested get him to help with bubby. Ds1 loved splashing and squirting with bath toys and cleaning the little toes!

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    I have an attack of the guilts at the moment as my 4mo's day sleeps are absolutely woeful so I spend a lot of day trying to get her to take a nap while my 3 year old watches tv or plays on her own. My 4mo is also feeding 2-3 hourly so between trying to getting her to sleep AND feeding I feel like my 3yo is just spending her day waiting for daddy to get home so she has someone to play with I feel so bad for her. The worst part is she is such a beautiful and loving big sister despite the shift in attention to the little one.

    Hopefully I manage to strike a happy balance soon!

    All the best for you too

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  17. #10
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    Oh yes, good point about the bedtime routine. I can't always dress DS1 after husband bath but always read and tuck him in.

    It goes quickly...it's hard at the beginning but it's amazing when #1 falls in love with #2. And when #2 just giggles when #1 plays near him priceless. We've had very little jealousy...Im so proud of DS1. And I know your first born will make you proud too.


 

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