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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummykahla View Post
    He has actually been court ordered to do a men's behavioral change course but refuses to go as it's "only for druggos and deadbeats that bash women" and he also thinks that the judges (2 separate ones) where singling him out because they always take the womans side and he has dark skin. I have done CBT and have suggested couples counselling but he always makes excuses why he can't. I actually want to leave, but don't want to drag my poor kids through a messy break up. He also tells me to "stop playing the victim" which hurts but I ignore because I don't WANT to be a victim. He is actually a really lovely guy but I think he has a lot of deep rooted issues himself. His father treated his mother the same way and he has gone through a horrible experience (his cousin who was also him BFF took his own life when they were teenagers) that I think has made him fearful and nasty towards mental illness. It is a sign of weakness in his eyes.
    Does he acknowledge he's that way because of those things?

    I really think nothing will change until he starts facing some of those things which is scary but so worth it. If he is court ordered then doesn't he have to?

  2. #22
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    It's more of a weakness to not seek help and acknowledge there are problems.
    I would rather go through a messy breakup then have my kids exposed to this - just as he was.
    Break the cycle.

  3. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to faroutbrusselsprout For This Useful Post:

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  4. #23
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    Without the context you provided, the comment alone, to me, says, "I love you but boy are you difficult to handle at times... but because I love you, I try to overlook that..."

    BUT... with the additional info, it sounds like you both have issues that could be helped with counselling. I also think that he's perhaps irritated by the smaller things simply because the bigger things exist. By that i mean, he might not be so bothered about the kettle, etc, if you didn't have huge blow-outs involving punching and swearing...

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummykahla View Post
    He is actually a really lovely guy
    From what you've said, no, he's not.

    I don't have PTSD and if my husband spoke to me like that, I would be less than impressed. TBH he sounds like he belongs in the dark ages when the women did treat their husbands like gods who couldn't do anything. He is just as capable of filling the kettle as you are.

    Ok, so you haven't been perfect either because of the PTSD, but he should be more understanding and help you with that. Not push your buttons deliberately to get a reaction.

    I have a 5 month old and a 3yo and am busy with them. You have more kids! He should be your partner and help. Not expect you to wait on him which is sounds he does.

    like PP said, break the cycle. I wouldn't want my children to see my DH treat me that way and for my DS to think it was ok to treat women like that and for my DD to think she should be treated that way. If he wants to fix things, he needs counseling and you both could benefit from marriage counseling too.

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Without the context you provided, the comment alone, to me, says, "I love you but boy are you difficult to handle at times... but because I love you, I try to overlook that..."

    BUT... with the additional info, it sounds like you both have issues that could be helped with counselling. I also think that he's perhaps irritated by the smaller things simply because the bigger things exist. By that i mean, he might not be so bothered about the kettle, etc, if you didn't have huge blow-outs involving punching and swearing...
    I don't have blow outs anymore, not for the last 2 years. I'd hardly call saying oh ffs under my breath after he has just reprimanded me for not shutting a door properly (which is what happened on Friday) a blow out. He splattered my nose across my face for swearing once so yeah, maybe I should try control myself a little more and not provoke him but it's hard to curb it when he's screaming at me. PP, no he doesn't acknowledge he has a problem at all, he denies everything when I try bring it up (like if I say to him, why did you get upset at me over something so trivial last week? He says to me it's all in your head, I just "suggested" you do blah blah blah even though it ended in a sh!t storm, because I made an excuse for not having done it)

  8. #26
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    He splattered your nose across your face, he verbally abuses you, he treats you like crap, hun you are so much better than that.
    He doesnt deserve someone like you.
    Massive hugs and if i can help out in any way i am willing to.
    Last edited by Lincolns mummy; 12-08-2012 at 16:11.

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  10. #27
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    Look I think it is fair enough to be working/staying in a marriage if you have both committed to working on things but it sounds like he is completely in denial and won't make any changes. I'm not saying just leave but I'd really be demanding he seek some help.

  11. #28
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    thanks for all of the replies. dp and i sat down and had a big talk and he has agreed to come to relationship counselling. he actually took me out for lunch then had the younger 2 kids while i went and got my hair done (not something he ever suggests i do off his own accord, so its a start!) just to clarify as well, when i said earlier in the thread that i used to punch, kick and throw, it was always inanimate objects, not dp (or anyone else) at most definitely not at anyone. im hoping that things really work out this time. ive expressed to him how much it hurts that the kids have to live like this, and if it ever happens again i will be out the door quicker than he can say sorry.

  12. #29
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    Seriously? He's emotionally abusing you, physically abused you and you staying? I always tell my DH that DD is learning from him what to expect from her future husband and he's teaching DS how to be a husband. Do you want your children to grow up to marry someon like him or be someone like him? Men like this don't change. Leave if not for u for your kids.

    Sent from my HTC Desire HD A9191 using BubHub

  13. #30
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Its been said in this house hold before. I take it as still an I love you but what ever the situation may be at the time may be causing frustration or something which would cause teh rest of the sentence. I dont take it as meaning Im loved any less.

    However if in doubt, go to counselling wIll benefit you alot.


 

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