Anyone here pregnant and have a partner battling cancer or other serious illness?

**mousky** · 10-08-2012 20:29

Just wondering if anyone else here in my situation.
Not long after i had a horrible knee reconstruction, my husband found a lump behind his nipple and got it checked out (eventually). On Friday the 13th (!) of April he was diagnosed with breast cancer.

He had a mastectomy and we discovered that it had invaded one node and that it was HER2 positive (quite aggressive), do he would need chemo. We had been suffering from recurrent missed miscarriage and "mild infertility" (3 pregnancies in 5 years) and the chemo pushed our hand in having to do IVF. Then a miracle happened. We fell pregnant naturally, and s/he stuck!

I had really bad morning sickness and along with still recovering from the knee reco, I needed to be pampered, but he was so damn tired from the chemo he could barely help. I know it's selfish, but I just wanted time for me. Instead I was scooping stinky cat poo and wee from the litter and feeding smelly dog and cat food while trying not to vomit or pass out (pregnancy induced hypertension). I just wanted to cry!

If anyone out there is in my situation, how did you cope?

(Btw, his outcome is now 92% positive with upcoming radiation, 12 months of herceptin and 5 years of tamoxifen

)

**larissa88** · 10-08-2012 20:36

Havent been in your situation but I just wanted to say I'm glad your partners % outcome is good and I can only wish you both the best. I don't think you're being too selfish to want someone to take care of you a bit especially when you have been doing so much for the other person and I know that while you understand why he hasnt been able to, it doesn't change the fact. Do you have a good support network? Friends? Family? You may need to lean more heavily on them and don't be scared to ask for help. Also congrats on your pregnancy!

**MummyBic** · 10-08-2012 20:44

Couldn't read without replying. Haven't been in your situation but it's totally ok feel the way you do. We all need some loving and just want to be taken care of. You sound so strong. Congratz on the pregnancy. May the rest our your pregnancy go well and wish your husband a total recovery.

**mousky** · 10-08-2012 20:52

Thanks for your replies

My family is really great. I talk to them a lot, but it is hard to vent to them as they tend to be rather protective of me. I don't want them taking a vent the wrong way.

**Jaspat24** · 11-08-2012 10:52

so not a serious condition like cancer, but my partner has had recurring plantar fasciitis and when home just sat around doing nothing. He works really long hours, i work 4 days a week and we have a 3yr old, 2 cats and a dog. It was frustrating, but i found that things just didn't get done, like the cleaning etc. I'd push myself to do the cooking and clean up the kitchen etc, the washing was done, but not always put away. The floors and bathrooms got cleaned whenever either of us could get to it etc etc.
You've had an immense time over the last few months and you should be really proud of yourself that you've made it through together; big hugs and lets hope the next few months are kinder to you.

**Tamtam** · 11-08-2012 12:04

You've had a rough time.
I'm not in same situation but... My DH has battled double pneumonia and been hospitalized three times in last three months. All this during about weeks 8-18 or so of my pregnancy when I felt the worst and struggled to work/eat/be normal. Then as he was getting better his work made him redundant and the same day we were given a pretty serious diagnosis of congenital heart defect in our bub (at 20 week scan). So pneumonia, hospital, redundancy and baby has all hit us both but due to it all and trying to get better he's now battling severe depression and anxiety.
Not the same or even close to your hubby battling cancer, but I do understand the selfish part. I'm trying to be strong for both of us as he really can't help how he is, but sometimes I want to be 'weak' and feel awful and have him hold me together and be at my every whim (!!!) since I'm pregnant, but it's just not turning out that way.
It's really hard and all I do is look at each day (sometimes half a day) at a time and not look too far in future. Some days he's better than others, and others I wish I could escape! But I love him and he loves me and I look at it all like a 'blip' in life. And that it won't always be like this.
Hugs to you... It's a difficult journey but you will get there, one day at a time. It's so cliche but it's true. And if you ever need to vent your frustration feel free to vent or pm me!! I'll be a listening here. Congrats on your pregnancy too!!