Will you let your child go on schoolies?

**bumMum** · 13-08-2012 09:39

Originally Posted by Pina Colada

.

I agree completely.

Also, it is possible to raise a teenager that despite thinking they really want to do something, will not do so, purely out of respect for a parents concern or opinion.

of course it is possible. I knew lots of kids whose parents raised them to be respectful and who got along with their parents.. and many of them still went on schoolies though.. Because they wanted to, not because they wanted to upset their parents.. Personally I dont really want to raise my kids to be "doing as they are told" at that age. I respect that other families operate differently. I just see that between 17-18, someone is becoming an adult so I feel I would need to let go a little. I mean, my oldest is only 4.. so I have a LONG way to go. But I cant sit here and say I would "not let" him do something, when he is that age, because I know that I wouldnt parent that way. I dont think I am looking forward to a time when I need to allow my kids to make choices for themselves though.. it really does freak me out!

**Pina Colada** · 13-08-2012 09:52

Originally Posted by bumMum

of course it is possible. I knew lots of kids whose parents raised them to be respectful and who got along with their parents.. and many of them still went on schoolies though.. Because they wanted to, not because they wanted to upset their parents.. Personally I dont really want to raise my kids to be "doing as they are told" at that age. I respect that other families operate differently. I just see that between 17-18, someone is becoming an adult so I feel I would need to let go a little. I mean, my oldest is only 4.. so I have a LONG way to go. But I cant sit here and say I would "not let" him do something, when he is that age, because I know that I wouldnt parent that way. I dont think I am looking forward to a time when I need to allow my kids to make choices for themselves though.. it really does freak me out!

I guess what I am talking about is not wanting my children to be 'doing as they are told', rather listening to our opinions and concerns and making the choice themselves to respect that IYKWIM. But on the issue of Gold Coast schoolies, you are right I would 'not let' them (if they didn't take option A of respecting our concerns). Hopefully the fact that I would give them freedom to make choices in other areas of their lives will help them see that I must feel very strongly about this, so therefore there must be good reason.

That was the relationship I had with my parents as a teen, and I just hope that I manage to achieve some of that with my 3. Can always hope anyway.

Anyway surely a 17 year old can't be anywhere near as strong willed
as a 7 year old?!?!

**anewme** · 13-08-2012 09:54

I did let dd make her own choice in a lot of things, this was just one thing that I didn't.
She seems to have transferred from being home to living on her own with out much trouble, so I think I did ok.

**bumMum** · 13-08-2012 10:03

Originally Posted by Pina Colada

I guess what I am talking about is not wanting my children to be 'doing as they are told', rather listening to our opinions and concerns and making the choice themselves to respect that IYKWIM.

That was the relationship I had with my parents as a teen, and I just hope that I manage to achieve some of that with my 3. Can always hope anyway.

Anyway surely a 17 year old can't be anywhere near as strong willed
as a 7 year old?!?!

No I hope they get a bit more sensible by 17

**anewme** · 13-08-2012 10:10

Originally Posted by Pina Colada

Anyway surely a 17 year old can't be anywhere near as strong willed
as a 7 year old?!?!

Your too funny.

**Auntyamber** · 13-08-2012 10:20

I graduated 2004 and was 17 when I finished year 12. I was not allowed to go to the gold coast even though I could have paid for it myself.
I still lived at home and was underage therefore I needed to respect my parents decisions.

We will be paying to take DD overseas instead and I hope to hell that I will raise a child that would prefer a trip overseas with friends and family then a drunken week partying.

I was not allowed to drink until I turned 18 and wasn't allowed to go to parties and I knew that if I broke that rules (and LAWS in regards to drinking) that there would be consequences

**mamasurfs** · 13-08-2012 10:24

Originally Posted by bumMum

of course it is possible. I knew lots of kids whose parents raised them to be respectful and who got along with their parents.. and many of them still went on schoolies though.. Because they wanted to, not because they wanted to upset their parents.. Personally I dont really want to raise my kids to be "doing as they are told" at that age. I respect that other families operate differently. I just see that between 17-18, someone is becoming an adult so I feel I would need to let go a little. I mean, my oldest is only 4.. so I have a LONG way to go. But I cant sit here and say I would "not let" him do something, when he is that age, because I know that I wouldnt parent that way. I dont think I am looking forward to a time when I need to allow my kids to make choices for themselves though.. it really does freak me out!

this is exactly the point I was trying to get across, i just worded it horribly. at 18, I don't think parents should be saying "no you can't go to this party, clubbing etc" they are 18. I understand they are living under your roof, but where do you draw the line? if they are still living with you at 22, will you tell them they can't sleep at their boyfriend/girlfriends house, or go out clubbing? if they are paying for it themselves then I see no problem. you just have to hope they've got common sense to not get themselves Ito trouble. in saying all this, I have a little boy (he's only 5 months do we have a looooong way to go yet.) but I would be more worried if I had a girl, yet I still wouldn't tell them they couldnt go. I would give them my opinion and drill it into their head on how to stay safe etc, but would never tell them they can't do something at that age.

**2girls1boyplus1** · 13-08-2012 12:17

I would love to re read this thread in a few years time when all the younger children have grown up and see how things panned out..

I don't know anyone who has a baby and expects that they will become a defiant or troublesome teenager so I'm tending to look at it from the point of view that I'll support my children by providing them with the life skills they need to handle bad situations and wait and see what type of a person they grow to become, rather than to simply say "no you can't go".

It seems like everyone is expecting that their children will be perfectly happy doing what their parents want them to when, in my experience, that is often the last thing that teens want to do..

**Ffrenchknickers** · 13-08-2012 12:23

Originally Posted by 2girls1boyplus1

I would love to re read this thread in a few years time when all the younger children have grown up and see how things panned out..

I don't know anyone who has a baby and expects that they will become a defiant or troublesome teenager so I'm tending to look at it from the point of view that I'll support my children by providing them with the life skills they need to handle bad situations and wait and see what type of a person they grow to become, rather than to simply say "no you can't go".

It seems like everyone is expecting that their children will be perfectly happy doing what their parents want them to when, in my experience, that is often the last thing that teens want to do..

I honestly don't know how you have gotten that from most of the posts on this thread. This is just about schoolies and most people only object to the Gold Coast version, with good reason. Nobody has talked about not equipping kids with life skills, lol. I'm sure you're not the only one planning to do that.

**2girls1boyplus1** · 13-08-2012 14:07

Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers

I honestly don't know how you have gotten that from most of the posts on this thread. This is just about schoolies and most people only object to the Gold Coast version, with good reason. Nobody has talked about not equipping kids with life skills, lol. I'm sure you're not the only one planning to do that.

I think you may have misunderstood
the tone of my post? I didn't mean offense at all.
I was referring to the other posts that referred to "my house, my rules" and similar, where there will be no choice given to the teens. I think the child's personality will play a huge role in if they respect your opinion or rules regardless of your input. My sister, brother and I were raised in the exact same environment and she was a nightmare (and still is to a degree!) and he is the golden child whereas I am somewhere in between, simply because we all have individual personalities.

I wasn't inferring that others won't teach their children life skills, that is just how I'm planning to approach it. I know quite a lot of people that I grew up with that have no life skills or real life common sense.

Thanks for disregarding my opinion