Could this be grief that's causing this?

**Cluky79** · 10-08-2012 15:59

My Dad past away in late June and since then I can't see to find my happy place and worst of all I keep thinking about my ex all the time. I had contacted him via FB to let him know that Dad was gone and that's what started the ball rolling of him, I don't know if it's just because I need his words of wisdom or not, it's been over 10 years since we parted ways. He has a new wife now and is happy and that made me happy for him too, I would never never act on anything because I have a beautiful loving husband at home, my DS and another one on the way.
DH knows I'm unhappy but doesn't know the reasons why, I could never tell him, I'd never want to break his heart.

So has anyone else experienced this? Is it just apart of the grieving process?

**babyla** · 10-08-2012 16:02

I've never experienced exactly this. But I have definitely experience the urge to call people or an ex from my past that has been precipitated by something.
Did you ex know your dad well? did they get along well?
My ex gets along really well with my Dad and I can imagine that if my Dad passed that I would want to contact him too. Sometimes I think we share moments in time with people and then there are other moments in our lives which draw us back to them. Maybe that moment in time is giving you a sense of comfort. I hope that it is

**Cluky79** · 10-08-2012 16:58

Originally Posted by babyla

I've never experienced exactly this. But I have definitely experience the urge to call people or an ex from my past that has been precipitated by something.
Did you ex know your dad well? did they get along well?
My ex gets along really well with my Dad and I can imagine that if my Dad passed that I would want to contact him too. Sometimes I think we share moments in time with people and then there are other moments in our lives which draw us back to them. Maybe that moment in time is giving you a sense of comfort. I hope that it is

Thanks Babyla I think you maybe spot on there, although he wasn't close to may Dad, all three of us share one thing in common and that is we were all firefighters, at the moment I'm trying to be strong for everyone around me, the way my Dad would have wanted me to be, this includes my hubby, pick yourself up and move on my dad would say and this is what I'm trying to do, on the outside people will look at me and see I'm coping but in actually fact I'm not, with my ex it was easy to let my guard down after all he has seen as much sh!tty stuff as what I have and will not think I'm not as strong if I let the tears flow, he would also not modycoddle (sp??) like DH would if he knew what was going on, I'm better at standing alone at times like these tbh.
I might email him and let him know what's going on, he might know how to put it all prospective for me so I can move on and get back to my family.
Thank you

**babyla** · 10-08-2012 17:06

I think emailing him would be a good idea. You are grieving and not only that you're not really allowing yourself to grieve properly by putting up appearances of being fine. If you know that your ex will put things in perspective, then there is no harm at all, sometimes the people that can comfort us the most are not the ones we are closest to. Sometimes you share things with people that you don't share with your current partner and therefore they might not understand some aspects of our personalities as much as somebody who was there at a particular time.
I think it's important to let yourself crumble if you need to, you're allowed to be sad and not allowing yourself to be sad, I think does hinder the grieving process. You don't have to be strong all the time

**wannaBamumma** · 12-08-2012 23:13

I couldn't read this and not reply. It will be one year ago on the 25th August that I lost my dad and I am still struggling through the grieving process. i think it is totally natural for you to want to let your ex know particularly if he and your dad had a good relationship. For me, I felt like letting people know made me feel like I had more support if you know what I mean. The day it happened I sent a message to an old friend I hadn't spoken to in years and we ended up having an hour long conversation. She had pretty much grown up with my dad so she was shocked because she didn't know he was sick. I think it is reasonable to want to let people know whether they be ex partners or ex friends. As long as you are open with your dh about it there is nothing wrong with it.

I hope that helps a little and I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is.

**Cluky79** · 13-08-2012 23:26

Thank you for your replies, my DH called my mum and told her he was worried about me and we had a chat and it made me feel a bit better, I haven't told them about the ex though and prob won't, I haven't emailed him cause it has all subsided, it helped that my mum confirmed my sister is feeling the same ATM (just not happy in life) so I don't feel so alone. I said to mum and DH that I will prob find more closer when we scatter his ashes etc, mum also said not to forget that my hormones would be going crazy because of being pregnant, oh so very true lol. Thank you so so much