Spin off - do you talk to your gifted child about their "label?

[Me]

I was reading along the other thread about telling other people about our gifted kids and it got me thinking, how much haven other people discussed with their kids about them being gifted.

Personally I have never mentioned the label to dd, but we do talk about the fact that she is doing very well. We have a LOT of behavioural issues with dd so a lot of our discussions centre around that; which I really think is tough on dd. I know that she won't understand if we go into details with her about her "label" that it isnt something she should discuss with other people. She is already singled out at school because emotionally she is rather behind, coupled with a school which isn't offering her the support she needs. On the other hand though, I feel like I should be telling her so she knows that she is a very special girl with a very special ability.

I won't be telling her any time soon though unless we are able to move her to a school which focus' on g&t kids(anyone know any specialist schools in Brisbane?).

So what about other people?

[Cdro]

IMO, parents need to help kids recognise and build their strengths and talents. That might be sport, music or school work. If you don't talk about it, how will she know? Kids don't have the life experience to understand that the same things that make them different are often their greatest assets. She probably just thinks she is weird and that there is something wrong with her. Don't let her think that for too long - it will chip away at her confidence and do some damage to her self esteem in the long term.

From my owen experience as a gifted kid, a selective school made a big difference. I was terribly shy and awful at holding a conversation when I was at my local public school. I moved to a selective class at age 10, and then on to seletive high school and it made all the difference. I believe I am a much more confident adult as a result.

How old is your DD? What sort of behavioural issues are you having?

[mim1]

I agree with cdro, you need to make sure you focus on her strengths. I was at a school that didn't really understand the whole gifted thing. Their philosophy was that 'intelligent' kids would be bullied if they were acknowledged publicly, so they didn't do anything much. Yet, the top sports players got plenty of recognition. Go figure! But, I knew I was different and my parents were my biggest supporters. They didn't push me at all, but they definitely let me know why I was so different and that academically I was advanced. They helped foster my interests at home. It wasn't til I went to Uni that I felt that I found a group of people I fitted in with and it was a great place for me to feel 'normal'.

Honestly, I say just tell her. She probably feels different and explaining why might help.

Have you thought about getting her tested for giftedness? We're a few weeks away from starting that process with my ds. It is done by a psychologist and I'm hoping for some help with letting us know which of his behavioural issues are related to his giftedness or age appropriate (it can be SO hard to know) and hopefully they will provide some feedback on how to deal with him. The main purpose of the testing is to provide a detailed report for his school regarding his strengths and weaknesses and good learning strategies for him. We've already been waiting 8 - 10 weeks for the appointment and the process will take over 3 months, so basically if you're wanting a report like this you might want to think about it 6 months before you need it!

[DueInAugust]

DS is gifted/sn.
We told him all about it when he was around 4. Now he's is proud of it and can cope better with most things related.
Best thing I ever did was included him in the discussions DH and I have about it.
This approach is not for every child or parents but it's worth thinking about.

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[ToughLove]

To be honest, it's never really occurred to me.

The only acknowledgement she gets is us telling her she's done us proud, or the flood of "Clever girl!" praise she gets from grandparents.

She has asked me why she has to go away when the class reads {she goes to the 3-4 classroom down the hall when it's time for Literacy}, but I just explained that the other Preps can't read as well as she can, so she goes to read the interesting, big kid books.
Her main worry was that she was being singled out for something, and it made her uncomfortable.

I don't tell her she's a little genius and is smarter than everyone else; it seems a little smug and snobby. I don't want her to get ideas about her worth being more than others.

I just let her develop at her own pace and don't push her too hard.

[DueInAugust]

We didn't tell ds he was smarter out anything like that we just told him that he worked really hard at his learning a lot earlier than others got to. I home schooled him from the age of 2 as he was bored and asked for it.

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[Coffee]

I don't make a big deal about it. We tell him that we're glad he's doing well and that he makes us proud (we do tell Ds 2 that as well) but we don't tell him, that he's smarter than the rest. His best friend is on the same level of being gifted as he is, that makes it a lot easier.
They both get extra curricular work during class time and the teacher is trying to avoid, to single them out, to send to other classes during literacy or numeracy.
But next term, they generally have special classes twice a week, so it'd be beneficial for them to go. We will see how they both go, if they want to go or not. We (my best friend and me) always take the interests of the boys first, before we commit to something. I personally hate labeling a child but in his case, it does help him at school.

[Me]

Mim - We have been through the testing and have all the results and it has certainly helped in figuring out which behaviours are habit and which are linked into being bored, needing attention, etc etc. She is borderline OCD as well which throws in some complications and meltdowns.

CDRO - Thank-You for your input, it certainly has given me something to think about.

[SassyMummy]

I'm unsure of her exact IQ, but she did have it tested by a child psychologist who put her in the top 90%. She recieves advanced homework and school work, and often spends time in older grades, and did in Prep as well. She just seems to catch onto things very easily, and so far she's done well in both literacy and numeracy, which I find a bit unusual, as while both my brother and I did well overall in school, he was better at Maths, and I was better at English. DD is just well above average across the board.

She's not been diagnosed with anything else, so we've got not special needs (other than the fact she needs additional challenges at school or else become bored) to deal with, but I do often tell her that she's quite smart.

Sometimes she asks why other kids aren't as smart as she is, and I just do the "everyone is different," thing. I say that some people might not be very good at schoolwork, but they might be amazingly talented sportspeople or artists or musicians or just fabulously friendly, nice people. I just say it's the same as some people being black, white, etc, or having brown, blue, green eyes. Just we're all different, and she's lucky that she's so smart.

I try not to bang on about it too much though. So far she wants to be a vet (prior to that it was an astronaut) so she needs to work her butt off if she wants to succeed. She can't just rely on her brains, she needs to work. Not now, really, because how hard can you work as a 7-year-old? But when she's older. I've let her know this too. That yes, she's smart, but it doesn't mean she can slack off. She has to study to get to the goals she sets for herself.

I honestly wish I knew how her brain worked though. The way she picks stuff up just amazes me. I'm actually mostly worried about how it will work in the teenage years. I have no doubt she'll find a way ot use it against me at some point. lol.

[pinkdolly]

Ds is sitting on the 98th percentile Wisc tested.

He knows he's different. But we have not told him that he's had his iq tested, nor have we tried to make him different in any way.

We have a lot of issues with him too. Today our local primary school refused him entry. Principle suggested home schooling. I can't home school, I've got 2 other ids.

I feel your pain.