Hey all, I've had depression for as long as I can remember but since I was about 15 I started managing and finding ways to take my mind off it and things started getting better. Last year was a year of hell for me but this year I got back on track and started getting better.
The past few weeks I haven't been coping. I'm not sure what's changed but I just feel so crap all the time again. Yesterday was particularly bad and I'm putting it on the place I'm living in atm. Df and I are living in a share/uni house this year with a couple of his mates so there's five of us in the house. Ive found that when I'm up at uni and in my classes I'm feeling much better but when I get back 'home' Ive been losing it. I feel so empty and worthless. I feel like I'm 14 again - I don't feel like an adult or like I mean anything.
I've lost all hobbies and interests I used to have, the only thing that makes me smile is baby stuff (how I'd decorate my house once df and I buy, certain things I'd do to raise my kids all that parenting stuff) and when I'm spending proper time with df. I don't want to get clingy to df - he has depression too and if I get clingy he catches the same mood so to speak.
I don't know what to do I just want a 'purpose' so I can stop feeling so empty. I even set aside some money for some new clothes this week and came home bursting into tears because there was nothing I liked. I'm getting sick of feeling so sh!t!!
I want to move already but we still have five months left on our lease. I love living in this area because it's different from where I lived until I finished high school but I'm just over it! I want to go back to my hometown and back to my old flat with df and have space and peace and an actual home that I don't hate coming home to!
I'm not sure if I'm ranting or looking for advice so I'm open to what people have to say.