I just need to get this out really.
My baby is 2 weeks old. My hubby is the most amazing father, so so helpful. The baby blues came around day 4 and seemed to leave a few days later. Since then I have felt like a robot on auto pilot. I do have my moments of laughter, but I have my moments of crying for no reason, crying because I feel like a failure/inadequate, crying because I feel guilty if hubby looks after bubs and lets me sleep... today has been the worst day yet, I dont know how many times I have cried. I also take any jokes the wrong way, and am quite snappy to hubby and my parents (who we live with).
Hubby caught me crying in the bathroom today. He gave me cuddles and then later asked (in a really nice way) if I could have PND. I dont feel depressed, I dont feel like its the end of the world or that the world is caving in.
- like a failure
I should be happy. I have a healthy baby. We TTC for 2.5 years to get this bub and yet I'm not happy. I just want to enjoy this, not dread being alone with the baby, or dread every feed.
Our baby has jaundice and falls asleep at the boob. It takes an hour to feed him, then I try to express as we have to give him top ups in a bottle. I never know if he is full or not, and then when I see him scull down a 50ml bottle after I fed him for an hour I just feel like a failure.
Hubby goes back to work in a couple of weeks. I will be alone during the day (until mid afternoon) and will have to do it alone during the night so hubby can sleep. I am just so scared. I dont think I can do it.
Is this just hormonal? I didnt think PND set in at 2 weeks post birth? Does it get any better? Does it get any easier?