+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3456 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 53
  1. #41
    Theophania's Avatar
    Theophania is offline 'see what had happened was..there were these three ninjas and a blue monkey and well it really wasn't my fault..'
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,075
    Thanks
    819
    Thanked
    832
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    But where do you draw the line?
    If a husband is hitting his wife, because that's how he grew up seeing his dad hit his mum and having his dad hit him, the wife should be understanding of the events that shaped him?
    A guy molests a child relative, but that's ok because he was molested as a child so that shaped him to be that way and the world should understand?
    I don't think that anything makes that kind of behaviour 'ok'. But we can gain some insight as to why someone is the way they are because of their past. Everything that happens to us helps to shape us, even if only on a subconcious level. Some people are incredibly insightful and resourceful and can see their actions for what they are and choose to change, whilst others may be completely blind to it. I think that we can have understanding and compasion for someone who was a victim and then went on to become the perpetrator, but that doesn't mean their behaviour is ok... iykwim

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Theophania For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (12-08-2012),chameleon  (12-08-2012),Ffrenchknickers  (12-08-2012)

  3. #42
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    home
    Posts
    6,465
    Thanks
    1,161
    Thanked
    2,532
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    Actually it was, but nothing anyone else here is privy to.
    Just my mothers friend telling me that my mother can't help the way she is, it's my fathers fault, so I have to excuse her disgusting behaviour.
    It got me thinking, should people be able to blame their behaviour on things that have happened in life.
    Maybe it depends on each individual circumstance, but in my mothers case she is just grasping at straws. She is an adult and despite what may or may not have happened in life, she still has a choice to treat people (me) in certain ways, it does NOT make it ok that she chose to treat me and my family like crap.
    Sorry if I'm overstepping the mark, but is it that your father is abusive and your mother is using this as her reasoning for treating you badly?

    I come from a fairly abusive and destructive upbringing and it's taken me a lot of years to understand and forgive.

  4. #43
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    In the sticks!!
    Posts
    20,635
    Thanks
    3,222
    Thanked
    2,540
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    Sorry if I'm overstepping the mark, but is it that your father is abusive and your mother is using this as her reasoning for treating you badly?

    I come from a fairly abusive and destructive upbringing and it's taken me a lot of years to understand and forgive.

  5. #44
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,057
    Thanks
    1,875
    Thanked
    2,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    Sorry if I'm overstepping the mark, but is it that your father is abusive and your mother is using this as her reasoning for treating you badly?

    I come from a fairly abusive and destructive upbringing and it's taken me a lot of years to understand and forgive.
    The truth is that my mother is very narcissistic, and my father is quite psychopathic. Perhaps my dad makes my mother worse, perhaps they are just as bad as the other. I don't believe for one second that it's my dads fault that my mother is the way she is, because she can be nice as pie when she gets her way, the nastiness really only started when I stopped giving her what she wanted/I wasn't what she wanted me to be/I saw my mother for what she really is.
    I had a very long term friend (now ex) of my mothers tell me that she was the same before she met my father.

  6. #45
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    2,485
    Thanks
    849
    Thanked
    299
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think it's an explanation, not an excuse. I have had family members do some damaging things and the more I find out about their life the more sense it makes. It doesn't excuse things but it's made it easier for me to not be angry with them, and have some understanding.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to chameleon For This Useful Post:

    Ffrenchknickers  (12-08-2012)

  8. #46
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    home
    Posts
    6,465
    Thanks
    1,161
    Thanked
    2,532
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I do understand what you mean to some extent. It's not easy to hear that someone is trying to make poor excuses for their hurtful actions, especially when it's your parent.

    B&B, I've read a fair amount of your posts about your parents and It seems that your still quite hurt about their actions. I really hope that you get to move forward from whatever it was that your parents did

  9. #47
    Nowhere's Avatar
    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
    Winner 2010- Most Optimistic Poster Award
    Winner 2010- The Most Supportive Member Award
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    11,112
    Thanks
    365
    Thanked
    1,623
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I just seen a pic on my friends face book saying don't allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.

    Now this women has not got an easy life her son passed away this year and her other 3 children have the same genetic conditions as there darling gorgeous boy Brent, I read it and thought of this thread, as well I know it made me think yerp if she can do that then f&&k it I can soldier on as well

  10. #48
    Nowhere's Avatar
    Nowhere is offline Winner 2007- Most Supportive Of Feeding Other-Than-Breast Award
    Winner 2010- Most Optimistic Poster Award
    Winner 2010- The Most Supportive Member Award
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    11,112
    Thanks
    365
    Thanked
    1,623
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    And that's fine to be for me right now this very minute that is the only thing stopping me from loosing it knowing that other. People go through way worse and carry on. And nit just carry on but continue to be nice to people and continue to be wonderful and loving.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Nowhere For This Useful Post:

    Ffrenchknickers  (13-08-2012)

  12. #49
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,057
    Thanks
    1,875
    Thanked
    2,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    I do understand what you mean to some extent. It's not easy to hear that someone is trying to make poor excuses for their hurtful actions, especially when it's your parent.

    B&B, I've read a fair amount of your posts about your parents and It seems that your still quite hurt about their actions. I really hope that you get to move forward from whatever it was that your parents did
    I guess it's hard to move forward when they won't let me! I've made it quite clear that I want nothing to do with them, yet here they are, still disrespecting my wishes. I want them out of my life!!!

  13. #50
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Home, where my life lies waiting, silently, for me.
    Posts
    8,990
    Thanks
    3,308
    Thanked
    1,659
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think things happen and we can choose how we deal with them.
    We can say "oh bad stuff happened, and now my life sucks and my actions are not my fault" or "bad stuff has happened, how do I deal with it, and reach my goals'


 

Similar Threads

  1. Ways to cut costs.
    By Mama2many in forum Family Finances
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 06-01-2013, 13:07
  2. quick ways
    By EmPowering in forum General Chat
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 17-05-2012, 17:20

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!