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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    Wow. Ok. Well, you know what? After I was r.aped, I also slept with every Tom D and Harry. As have a lot of other people who have been r.aped. I am reasonably sure this is considered a fairly 'normal' behaviour after r.aped. And by 'normal', I mean a common behaviour.
    Hugs Ana Gram.
    I don't have personal experience however my dearest friend does unfortunately. When she opened up to me about her 'sleeping around' (no judgement here!!), she said somehow in her mind by sleeping with all these men she was showing her rapist that it doesn't matter & she can act like a man re: sex attitudes...even though her attacker never knew of her actions. I think it's a common reaction to that experience.

    Back to the main topic, I think problems aren't excuses, but they shape a person's beliefs, attitudes etc on the world and themselves. Some ppl can work through them, and some can't. You can't deny a person their experiences. Not sure I'm making sense, it's past my bedtime sorry.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to peasmum For This Useful Post:

    Ffrenchknickers  (12-08-2012),Mulva  (12-08-2012)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nowhere View Post
    Yer it's a hard one, sure something's take a long time to get over something you never do but at some point we have to work how best we can get throughout life dispite the problems and grief. It's not always in our control but we can try I don't think bad situation means people can be nasty for no reason
    I just think that it would do the world alot of good if people were more understanding of other people's struggles and more forgiving.

    Honestly, there are people I know who have just never known anything else, have never known that there is a better way. I see so much struggle through DH's work...people that the world writes off and judges when they really have just never had the chance

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  5. #33
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    But where do you draw the line?
    If a husband is hitting his wife, because that's how he grew up seeing his dad hit his mum and having his dad hit him, the wife should be understanding of the events that shaped him?
    A guy molests a child relative, but that's ok because he was molested as a child so that shaped him to be that way and the world should understand?

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    But where do you draw the line?
    If a husband is hitting his wife, because that's how he grew up seeing his dad hit his mum and having his dad hit him, the wife should be understanding of the events that shaped him?
    A guy molests a child relative, but that's ok because he was molested as a child so that shaped him to be that way and the world should understand?
    Anyone who commits crime should face the law, just like anyone else.

  7. #35
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    There is more to it then simply being nasty though. Unless you guys are all talking about something specific that the rest of us are not privy to.
    I too, was wondering if this thread was sparked by something in particular?
    Last edited by Ffrenchknickers; 12-08-2012 at 09:37.

  8. #36
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    I am the way I am because of the way I was raised. Because of abuse I received. Because of how I was treated by others when I was vulnerable.
    It has shaped who I am. But I can't live my life bitterly in the past. I use the knowledge and experience I have gained through what ever years of hardship and try to make myself a better stronger person.

    I try not to use my past as an excuse for my behaviour. But there are reasons I am the way I am and I am just grateful to have friends and family who accept me for it. Faults and all.

  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    I too, was wondering if this thread was spraked by something in particular?
    Actually it was, but nothing anyone else here is privy to.
    Just my mothers friend telling me that my mother can't help the way she is, it's my fathers fault, so I have to excuse her disgusting behaviour.
    It got me thinking, should people be able to blame their behaviour on things that have happened in life.
    Maybe it depends on each individual circumstance, but in my mothers case she is just grasping at straws. She is an adult and despite what may or may not have happened in life, she still has a choice to treat people (me) in certain ways, it does NOT make it ok that she chose to treat me and my family like crap.

  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    But where do you draw the line?
    If a husband is hitting his wife, because that's how he grew up seeing his dad hit his mum and having his dad hit him, the wife should be understanding of the events that shaped him?
    A guy molests a child relative, but that's ok because he was molested as a child so that shaped him to be that way and the world should understand?
    You draw the line when the behavior has a significantly negative impact on others.

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  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    Actually it was, but nothing anyone else here is privy to.
    Just my mothers friend telling me that my mother can't help the way she is, it's my fathers fault, so I have to excuse her disgusting behaviour.
    It got me thinking, should people be able to blame their behaviour on things that have happened in life.
    Maybe it depends on each individual circumstance, but in my mothers case she is just grasping at straws. She is an adult and despite what may or may not have happened in life, she still has a choice to treat people (me) in certain ways, it does NOT make it ok that she chose to treat me and my family like crap.


    You absolutely shouldn't have to put up with it if it impacts your life that much I think you;re definitely right about individual circumstances.

    I hope that your mum can get the help she needs to stop acting that way and that you don't get more hurt in the process.

  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jakois View Post
    You draw the line when the behavior has a significantly negative impact on others.
    Yes. Absolutely. I guess we are all looking at it from different angles. But as for being in a situation, there is no way you should have to put up with abuse/whatever just because. Stepping away and seeing that there are events that hve significantly affected this person can help with healing though, I do believe. Finding reasons doesn't excuse but helps to explain I think.

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