OK so I am not sure if this belongs in here but I need some advise quick smart. I was going to be an undercover hubber because there is a bit of personal info here but I dont have time GAH!
This is very long and disjointed- Sorry!!!!********
OK so DH and I seperated 12 months ago- I did the dirty on him (YES bad!) after trying to get him to see reason to seperate for AGES! For SO many reasons- he was into the kind of sex that I wasn't- BDSM style- and I didnt love him anymore- we were NOT compatable anymore. Anyway, after he found out I told him our marriage was over and he gave me grief for a few weeks then finally accepted. On one of the occasions where I had to go back to the house to get some of DS's things, (I was alone without DS) he threw me up against the wall with his hands around my neck and also sexually assaulted me. I have had a LOT of guilt re the sexual assault and have never told my partner about it because i feel like maybe I should have tried harder to stop him? I don't know. Anyway, for a few months he had custody of DS every second weekend for a day- not overnight as DS was only 1.5 years old. I would get him back grumpy, routine ruined and with a dirty bum, hungry, thirsty etc. After christmas he didnt contact us for AGES. Months. When he did I said fine but visits need to be supervised- DS doesnt know who you are! So they have been, every second weekend for a few hours at a playcentre where my ex would rather talk to me than our son. Last fortnight he just didnt call me or anything. Then last weekend he wanted to see DS and I said DS is sick with a cold. And then he threw some news at me that one of his daughters has been sexually molested by a "friend" of his ex wife (he has three girls to his first wife) I was upset about it and it brought up concerns about him with DS because I know that my ex is VERY heavily involved in the BDSM lifestyle and some strange sexual practises and he carries this out at his house and I know his daughters have met one of his (female) play partners. So I have told him that we need a plan in place- so every second weekend we will meet at a playcentre one fortnight my choice, his the next. No visits at his house. Which works anyway because he has lost his license due to speeding so can't pick up or drop off DS. Today he started texting me alll this crap about how he wants custody at his house etc etc and that things need to change- I am SO unhappy. I KNOW he is my sons father but he has put me through so much crap and I am concerned about my son. He never asks about DS or anything. DS is 25 months now and babbles, my ex would have no idea what he is after! DS adores my partner- calls him dad. My ex's parents have never called or made any effort to see my son either and all of a sudden they miss him as well, according to him. To be honest- I want my ex out of my life. And DS's life. He is toxic. What, if anything, can I do? My partner told me I can't just stop exdh from seing DS but can't I? Given that I am the primary care giver? And wouldnt exdh have to then take me to court/request mediation? Please help, I am so confused and stressed.
And please dont quote as I might delete thread later xx