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  1. #101
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    It isn't that I don't see marriage or children as an achievement, I just don't understand why that has to be defined by a name. If I am married for 40 years and you are married for 40 years, your marriage isn't more valid or special because you took your husbands surname. I just find the whole concept of named being changed strange, especially when I hear people talk about carrying on the family name and the name is "Jones" or something really common.

    I would like to also point out, that in the 6 years of being a parent and the kids having my husbands surname - I have never once, ever been asked why our names are different or if they are really my kids.

    But each to their own - see isn't feminism great - we can all choose what we want to do now. Whoops - wrong thread

  2. #102
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    If a name is 'just a name', why do we as mothers spend so long choosing it for our child? Thinking deeply about how first and last name go together, looking at the initials etc. If people change their name to have the same as their kids and become a complete family, what happens when they change their names? Are you then a fractured family? Is your family you grew up in no longer whole either? I totally don't have an issue with it, but I find these comments interesting.

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  4. #103
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    Yes I did. I couldn't wait to.
    I didn't see it as being 'anti feminist' as feminism is about equality and choice

  5. #104
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    I think it's awesome that so many women keep their own surnames these days.

    I do think though that to me, it was super important that DS had my surname since I'm the one who has raised him.
    Last edited by Baracuda; 09-08-2012 at 09:02.

  6. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    If a name is 'just a name', why do we as mothers spend so long choosing it for our child? Thinking deeply about how first and last name go together, looking at the initials etc. If people change their name to have the same as their kids and become a complete family, what happens when they change their names? Are you then a fractured family? Is your family you grew up in no longer whole either? I totally don't have an issue with it, but I find these comments interesting.
    I was thinking about that too. Aside from DD, my sister is closest to me out of everyone in the world. If she changes her surname to her husband's name, and we no longer share a last name, does it somehow change our status/bond?

  7. #106
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    I didn't change my surname. I always intended to, and would still love to have the same name as my kids. I have absolutely nothing against women changing their name and don't believe it signifies ownership (except in the case of Mrs John smith which I hate). But personally, I just couldn't do it. My husband wishes I would, I kind of wish I would but I just can't bring myself to do it, I just feel like I'm giving away that last bit of my pre-marriage, pre-children identity. He also works in a job where I am often introduced and known as 'so-and-so's wife',so I guess this is a way of separating myself from that. Once I was asked at one of his work functions who I 'belong' to, to which I answered 'myself, but I'm married to .... '!!!! (it was a dear old man- product of his time).

    I call myself Ms, I'm too old to be a miss and too young to be a mrs lol! On Fb i use both surnames which works well so maybe I'll do that long term?
    Last edited by Annabella; 09-08-2012 at 09:40.

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  9. #107
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    I did. Its a personal choice and I don't see it as a feminist issue. I know someone who changed their name to their wife's surname!

    Free choice is a wonderful thing.

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  11. #108
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    I think people think its a feminist issue given the tradition behind it.

    Women changed their surname when they got married to identify who they 'belonged' to. Ie when you're born you are the property/responsibility of your father and have his surname, when you get married you then become the property/responsibility of your husband so you take his surname.

    No one is 'property' anymore but that's where the practice originates from and I think a lot of feminists take issue with it for that reason.

    Personally, I think it's a choice everyone should make for themselves and do what makes them feel comfortable.

  12. #109
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    I'm getting 'married' to my DF next year (civil union with a commitment ceremony) and I'm changing my surname to hers. Our surnames won't hyphenate well and also we have quite long first names picked for our future kids. And I want the same surname as her and our kids (and her surname is so much better than mine lol)

  13. #110
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    I can see the feminist perspective but I don't think that changing your name has anything to do with ownership. I want to change my name because I like the idea of myself and hubby and future kids to all having the same family name. it's nothing to do with being submissive or being told what to do, it's my choice.

    Also the statement about marriage and having a baby not being an achievement, I also disagree. We've worked so hard ttc and still are. If we do have a baby after all of that, I'll view it as the biggest achievement of my life.

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