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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    argh, it also makes me cringe that some women see marriage and family as some kind of success, achievement, and that being referred to as MRs cements that for them. It's disturbing.

    Ok I'll leave your thread alone now OP!
    What is wrong with seeing your marriage/family as an achievement?

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  3. #92
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    I did take DH's name but it took me nearly 6 years of marriage to do it. I struggled with the thought of losing my identity but in reality I felt I'd lost it anyway after having kids and being out of the workforce for so long and generally making that transition into being a parent. I tried to do my maiden name for somethings and married name for others but when it came time to renew my drivers licence and passport I just decided it was time to do it all.

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  5. #93
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    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
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    Yes I did , much to everyone's amazement , as its a whopper , one long Russian tongue twister.

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  7. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    What is wrong with seeing your marriage/family as an achievement?
    I can't speak for blackeyedpea but maybe she meant that getting married in itself isn't an achievement, and since most women change their names at the beginning of their marriage, it's not symbolic of any sort of achievement..

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  9. #95
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    Yes I took DHs name. It wasn't something I gave a heap of thought to at the time if I'm honest. But it was and still is wonderful to share our lives along with a name. And I also like that I have the same surname as our kids.

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  11. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by MothersMilk View Post
    What is wrong with seeing your marriage/family as an achievement?
    Getting married is a choice, not an achievement. And having a baby is a choice (or often totally unplanned), not an achievement. That's all I meant.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 09-08-2012 at 07:17.

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  13. #97
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    I took Dh's surname. I was going to make my maiden name a second middle name, but it was all rather complicated and i never got around to it. I might still do it though. And I want to give my children my maiden name as a second middle name.

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  15. #98
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    I'll be changing my surname when DF & I get married. I'm a bit of a traditionalist & it would mean alot to DF. I don't really like my surname & had been tossing up the idea of changing to my mum's maiden name before I met DF. And I want to have the same name as my daughter, I feel odd when I have to explain that my name is different.

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  17. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackEyedPea View Post
    Getting married is a choice, not an achievement. And having a baby is a choice (or often totally unplanned), not an achievement. That's all I meant.
    Staying happily married is the achievement!

    And when i do, I will consider having this baby I'm carrying to be an achievement after ttc for 3 years.

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  19. #100
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    I kept my maiden name. DH would have liked me to have taken his surname and MIL still bangs on a bit about it (apparently she and grandMIL are disappointed in me for not taking it.....) but when it came to the crunch, I couldn't do it. It seemed about as sensible as being asked to change my first name. I am NM not NC. Our kids have DHs surname & I'm fine with that. My surname is pretty common & my Dad's family is huge so the surname will carry on. DH & his male cousin are the only 2 in his family to have children to carry on their surname for his family. It's a rare surname and they are the only ones in Australia, hence the importance of our kids having his name. I don't feel like any less of a family for having different names. And it's so common now to not share a surname that I have always been asked (if I haven't already volunteered the info) whether my surname is the same as my DS's or DH. It's never been assumed.

    Incidentally, I go by Mrs. Keeping my surname hasn't precluded me from changing my marital status as alluded to by a PP. I am considering dropping the Mrs & going with Ms though. There was an article in the paper recently about France dropping the title that denotes whether a woman is married & going with a less specific female title on legal forms. It is kind of odd that in the 21st century we specify whether a woman is married but not a man. But that's a whole other thread.

    ETA: I see marriage for me as an achievement. I'm amazed someone actually wanted to marry me. I'm so incredibly flawed so finding someone who'll put up with me was a serious achievement!!

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