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  1. #1
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    Default Custody issues with XDP

    Grr I'm so angry at XDP, why does he always make everything difficult when it comes to his time with our son!
    Sorry in advance for the lengthy post and if I don't make much sense I'm tired and can't think straight!

    He refuses to meet me in the middle with the custody of our son, it's his way or nothing and im a complete b!tch and every other name under the sun trying to make things difficult apparently.

    He works a full time job which is shift work, so he has saturday & sunday off, then on the other week he will have thursday & friday off. His work is a 6 week rotating roster so his week days he gets off changes every 6 weeks too which screws me over with DS's childcare. He wants to see DS 2 times a week, so on his "weekend" which I'm totally fine with, but it's such a pain in the *** when he has his days off during the week.

    He MUST have DS all day thursday and all day friday and I MUST pick him up on saturday morning before 8.00AM before he goes off to work. But DS has childcare on mondays, wednesdays and thursdays, so I end up paying for DS's childcare every second week when he isn't even there! All because XDP MUST have him regardless if he has childcare or not .

    He refuses to pick DS up from childcare too because he doesn't have his drivers liscence and refuses to catch public transport because it "takes too long" to pick him up (we live about a 30 min drive from each other, 15 mins without traffic).

    I know this doesn't sound like much of a problem written down but this has been going on for months. He never tells me when he has his days off until the last minute and expects me to drop everything thats going on in my life so he can have DS. I can never plan to do anything half the time because of it too. He refuses to get his licence to pick his own son up from my place or childcare and expects me and his parents to do all the driving around for him. He still lives with his parents and DS sleeps in his bedroom.

    He tells Child support that he has him 2 nights per week even though nearly every week "something comes up" and he just drops a night of seeing DS to go out clubbing or spend time to see a mate. Get your parents who you live with to babysit if you don't want to spend time with your DS not me! I'm not your babysitter! He's so childish it drive me batty!

    Whats even worse is that for some reason he doesnt have to pat a cent in child support because they have gone by his last financial year income (which was newstart-not having a job) instead of his current income, this can't be correct can it?

    I've suggested 50/50 care if that's easier for him because of his shift work, he says no. I've suggested just seeing DS for dinner on the week he has off that is during the week, he says no. I've tried compromising with this twit and he just wants to make things difficult!

    After putting up with his bull**** for so long I'm wanting to go to mediation about this to get some sort of agreement written down but in terms of being DS's main carer, what are my rights when it comes to allowing DS to see his dad? Whats happening right now isn't working for me with my work or my personal life, it's making me waste money on childcare, it's making me really depressed and I feel like theres no escape from his crap!

    Again sorry for the huge post, I'm exhausted just re-reading it hoping it makes some sense

  2. #2
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    Firstly, hugs

    Secondly, start mediation. NOW! Well, not right now but contact relationships australia tomorrow to get the ball rolling. Then have the mediation agreement made into consent orders which are legally binding through court.

    I would consider telling him that yes, he could have DS on his 'weekends' but if those days fall on his normal daycare days then it is up to the father to cover the cost of those days in care.

    Otherwise, you could just tell him 'you can see him on xyz days. I will drop him off to your house at x time and you can return him to my house at x time. If this doesn't suit you, organise mediation.'

    In terms of child support, no that isn't right. You call them and tell them that he's working and who he's working for. They will send off a 'confirmation of employment' to his employer and they will have to tell child support how much he is earning and the assessment will go off that. If he doesn't pay it then they can garnish his wages and he won't have a choice on whether it gets paid or not.

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  4. #3
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    Hey thanks for the advice, I will contact both relationships australia and the child support agency tomorrow. Do you know I'm entitled to child support to be reimbursed that I've been owed for the past 18 months when/if the fix it up?
    Also what normally goes on with mediation? what happens if we cant agree to to custody?

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsBunny View Post
    Firstly, hugs

    Secondly, start mediation. NOW! Well, not right now but contact relationships australia tomorrow to get the ball rolling. Then have the mediation agreement made into consent orders which are legally binding through court.

    I would consider telling him that yes, he could have DS on his 'weekends' but if those days fall on his normal daycare days then it is up to the father to cover the cost of those days in care.

    Otherwise, you could just tell him 'you can see him on xyz days. I will drop him off to your house at x time and you can return him to my house at x time. If this doesn't suit you, organise mediation.'

    In terms of child support, no that isn't right. You call them and tell them that he's working and who he's working for. They will send off a 'confirmation of employment' to his employer and they will have to tell child support how much he is earning and the assessment will go off that. If he doesn't pay it then they can garnish his wages and he won't have a choice on whether it gets paid or not.

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    Massive hugs. I agree completely with pp. that's just rediculous!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by teacupbunny View Post
    Hey thanks for the advice, I will contact both relationships australia and the child support agency tomorrow. Do you know I'm entitled to child support to be reimbursed that I've been owed for the past 18 months when/if the fix it up?
    Also what normally goes on with mediation? what happens if we cant agree to to custody?
    Yes you'll be reimbursed when he does his tax or when they get a start date at from his employer and confirmation of his income just be sure to tell them that YES you want back pay.

    I didn't get to mediation so I'm not speaking from experience here but each parent does an 'intake' interview and has to attend an hour long parenting information session and then you organise a day to go in there and sit with him and a mediator to talk about what is best for the child. The mediator will help keep things calm and try to explain why what either of you want is or isn't in the child's best interests.

    If you can't agree then you are issued a special certificate which allows you to go to court if you want to. If he can't afford to go to court, I wouldn't worry too much about this though cos the onus is on HIM to take YOU to court.

    You do not have to do everything he wants you to.

    I would be putting everything in writing to him from here on out though and keep a diary documenting every time child support is paid late, every time he was meant to have DS and didn't. Every text message, voice mail and email. Everything.

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    I've been talking to CSA and they say we can only be back paid for do long, I can remember if it was 2 or 3 months. But it was nowhere near 18 months. You will get something but I highly doubt it will be paid as far back as 18 months

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    Quote Originally Posted by KyzaV View Post
    I've been talking to CSA and they say we can only be back paid for do long, I can remember if it was 2 or 3 months. But it was nowhere near 18 months. You will get something but I highly doubt it will be paid as far back as 18 months
    This is slightly different though. If its from an adjusted or amended assessment due to earnings then they can and do do it. Otherwise you'd have fathers across the nation saying they're only earning $40,000 when they're actually earning double that and then only doing their tax returns every four years.

    Some women have lump sums of $20k+ land in their accounts years after the kids have turned 18 simply because CSA finally caught up with the dads.

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    Talk to csa because yes that info you have said is correct. You do have options though. Child support is calculated on each previous years tax return. If however you believe he will earn more then you would need to lodge a change of assessment. You should note that for this purpose, the usual time frame they will back claim is 3 months, not 18. If you don't lodge a change of assessment then it will continue based on his previous tax return for the last financial year and only change when tax is lodged at the next tax year, you will not get back paid for any discrepancy under that circumstance. So act sooner rather than later if you believe he is earning more now.


    If he is in arrears that is of course different to the above go that providing you are on csa collect, they will keep on trying to get that arrears from him.

    As for the care percentage, keep a diary, then lodge a care percentage dispute, he then has to prove he had the child all the times you have recorded that he hasn't.

    Again talk to csa directly, as painful as it is, it gets very confusing very quickly and it's best to get the info from the horses mouth.
    Good luck.

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    As long as you keep doing what he wants he's going to continue. I'd refuse to be dropping him off and picking him up. It's a two way street. It's not your fault he doesn't have a license.

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  13. #10
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    Totally agree with renesme but I think you need to call CSA to get the right info about back pay if he's been lying to them about work. I'm going off what I've been told by CSA and I doubt there are different rules for different people but I may not have explained myself in my previous post properly.

    Let us know how you go.


 

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