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  1. #1
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    Default why does playgroup make me feel this way?

    DS and i go to playgroup every fortnight and almost everytime i leave i feel so alone and not part of a group. i spend most of my time stopping DS getting into other peoples bags and chasing after him when he wonders off (its held outside) so i dont always get to stand around and talk but if i did have time, i probably wouldnt anyway cause im too shy.

    i also feel like i dont fit in, today someone was talking about getting an aupair/housekeeper or something and i was thinking theres no way i would consider it, theres no way we could afford anything like that. everyone turns up in new big 4wd's and im out of place in my 13 year old car.

    its the only outing we have (except daycare while im at work) cause theres nothing else around here (country town) so i dont really have the option to find another play group. ive been going for about a year but just dont feel comfortable. some of these people i have known since school but never really known/been friendly with iykwim. its not like they are cliquey or anything, i just dont feel like i fit in or know how to get closer to anyone.

    i dont know, its the same at work. a few months ago a group of people planned a night out to the movies then to the pub, but never thought to ask me, i knew a bit about it from someone else (much older) and heard them talking about it the day of the movie (someone said i should come along that arvo but there was no way i could organise someone to look afte DS etc, etc. they had been talkinga bout it for weeks, but noone ever thought to invite me.

    maybe im just not a friendly person though i really want friends. everyone that i was friends at school had drifted away. my 2 best friends in high school couldnt even be bothered coming to my wedding. no reason, just sorry, i cant come.

    i dont know what the point of this is. i even feel the same on here, but i guess i dont post overly much, so why would anyone know me?

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    I could have written this post myself...
    Hugs!

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    Awww you sound like me - it gets so lonely sometimes I don't know what I can say to help you but you are definitely not alone on how you're feeling!

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    i feel the same around other people i don't go to playgroup tho but i am a shy person so that's why.

  5. #5
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    You are not alone, there are so many of us that are just like that. I started a new playgroup today for ds#2 i was so nervous i vomited in the community centre bushes outside before we went in. I couldnt hold or maintain a conversation, i just played with ds the whole time.

    Its very hard to never feel apart of anywhere

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    This sounds like my coffee group. I was just thinking about this today. My coffee group has pretty mug just stopped and I miss it. I used to look forward to meeting up but none of them want to anymore. I have no support from any friends and wonder how all of them have so much support from other mums.

    I also thought it could have been an age difference thing.

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    I feel the same sometimes.

    I had horrible experiences with mothers groups and I always left feeling inferior for one reason of another...

    I don't know if I am a horrible person, or just utterly hideous...but if they're the kind of people who purposely exclude others, I really don't really want them as friends...

    ...though that doesn't help with the loneliness...

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    I feel the same way about things like playgroup. I managed to find one which is quite friendly and nice but i still don't feel a part of it, i generally just observe and watch my girls play, i try to converse with the others as much as i can but i am just crud at small talk and even if i get a convo started i can't maintain it *sigh*
    I go for my kids and because the set up is really good so i can sit and have a semi-break while they go crazy - i doubt i'll ever make any friends out of it.

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    omg glad i'm not the only one that feels like this, I always feel like I don't belong and just end up playing with DS the whole time... I'm also shy and sometimes I think it comes across as rude, it can be a very awkward time and something that you don't look forward to every week/fortnight.

  10. #10
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    I feel the same way about every activity I do with my kids and I find I really have to push myself to not be me and try to make friends ... Making new friends is hard work but usually worth it in the long run.

    Before you get to your play group try to think of some questions you can ask the mums to start a conversation ... Things like its been so wet how are your kids coping being stuck inside? ... Just basic conversation starters.
    Also if someone asks you a question don't just give yes and no answers ask the question back in another way.
    If you are taking to someone and you have to chase your child go back to the conversation.

    Playgroups are usually just as much for mum and bub so the worst thing you can do is hide away playing with your child ... Your child is not getting the opportunity to interact with other kid and you with other mums.

    Is there a child there that your child has shown interest in?? Try to direct your child to play with them.

    Everything above goes way outside my comfort zone but I HAVE to push myself to do it


 

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