DS and i go to playgroup every fortnight and almost everytime i leave i feel so alone and not part of a group. i spend most of my time stopping DS getting into other peoples bags and chasing after him when he wonders off (its held outside) so i dont always get to stand around and talk but if i did have time, i probably wouldnt anyway cause im too shy.
i also feel like i dont fit in, today someone was talking about getting an aupair/housekeeper or something and i was thinking theres no way i would consider it, theres no way we could afford anything like that. everyone turns up in new big 4wd's and im out of place in my 13 year old car.
its the only outing we have (except daycare while im at work) cause theres nothing else around here (country town) so i dont really have the option to find another play group. ive been going for about a year but just dont feel comfortable. some of these people i have known since school but never really known/been friendly with iykwim. its not like they are cliquey or anything, i just dont feel like i fit in or know how to get closer to anyone.
i dont know, its the same at work. a few months ago a group of people planned a night out to the movies then to the pub, but never thought to ask me, i knew a bit about it from someone else (much older) and heard them talking about it the day of the movie (someone said i should come along that arvo but there was no way i could organise someone to look afte DS etc, etc. they had been talkinga bout it for weeks, but noone ever thought to invite me.
maybe im just not a friendly person though i really want friends. everyone that i was friends at school had drifted away. my 2 best friends in high school couldnt even be bothered coming to my wedding. no reason, just sorry, i cant come.
i dont know what the point of this is. i even feel the same on here, but i guess i dont post overly much, so why would anyone know me?