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  1. #291
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    30 pages and still open for business! Good work hubbers

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  3. #292
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    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    30 pages and still open for business! Good work hubbers
    Indeed it's nice to see an emotive topic being respectfully debated on BH without resorting to nastiness.

    YAY

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  5. #293
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    Also with letting dads do things unsafe or unwise how is that different to if a mother does something unsafe or unwise and the dad says something?

    On auto pilot I dropped the knives into the draw instead of on the bench when jasper was 18 months old and he came out with a knife in his hand. My df said hed never forgive me if jasper had have hurt himself. (I wasn't home when jasper found it)

    Same as I cracked it at df when he left jAsper when he was 10 months old alone in the bath!!!

    There are some things that absolutely should not go unmentioned to allow the other parent to work it out themselves.

    My df isn't concerned with road safety regarding car seats because he's a good driver. Am I suppose to respect him as a parent and agree or say to him if he takes our kids out not properly restrained I will call the police myself and they can deal with it.

    On the other hand my df does use time out and punishments more than I would and aside from quietly giving him my pov in a respectful way (usually after its gone to **** so I can say this is what I observed) that I'm okay to agree to disagree with.

    And with wanting more kids on that thread I suggested talking through options, scenarios and working out what's best for both. Though ultimately if EITHER parent doesn't want more children then I believe each person has the right to protect against future children.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

  6. #294
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    I'm of Dr Phil's belief that a decision like having a baby takes two yeses and one no. If somebody doesn't want a baby and the other does, I truly believe it is an incompatibility. One shouldn't be forced to have a child they don't want against their will, male or female. I remember a thread where a woman wanted a baby and her husband didn't and the responses were "what does it matter to him, he doesn't have to be pregnant or raise them"... ummm... yeah, do not agree that a father's role should be insignificant.

    Re safety this is where I feel I am a bit of a control freak. DS sees his father maybe 5-6 times a year. I am with him for 300+ days per year. He is never deliberately put in danger when he is on my watch, yet his 'father' has let him ride quad bikes at age 4 yo. I feel if he had a fall is it really that %^&$(*^% hard to keep a child safe for a few days a YEAR?!?!?! When I can manage to do it all the time?!

    I find if anyone is unfair to DS, either yelling or being generally unreasonable, even if it is his father, I do believe that I cannot help reacting. I do believe it's biology for a mother who is securely attached to her baby to protect them. If my son is in danger I will stop at nothing to protect him, even if it's his father putting him in harms way.

    I would expect that my DP would say something if he believed I was hurting (either physically or emotionally) my DS. I would seriously wonder whether he cared about my beautiful boy if he sat back and watched someone harm him.
    Last edited by Benji; 10-08-2012 at 12:47.

  7. #295
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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I do agree that children are seen as 'belonging' to their mother. This is because mothers (generally) do most of the work when it comes to raising children

    I know if DS is sick his father would never take a day off, his employers would never complain that he takes too much time off to look after a sick child because that's the "mother's job".

    I do know that FOB is hailed as a hero for doing SUCH a great job raising DS when he sees him (by choice) a handful of times per year. If DS plays up, it's my fault, where has the mother gone wrong, she works long hours, she's not there yet I am the bloody one trying my best as opposed to fobbing the work off to someone else!

    When DS was in hospital it was assumed that I would stay. I did. I was covered in sh!t, vomit so went home to change clothes and come straight back. When I returned I was lectured by the burses for being so awful and leaving my baby I left him with his father. "where is the mother" is what was asked while I was gone for that entire half an hour out of three days!

    Anyway, I find it funny that so many are quick to bag working mums because they take time off yet nobody would ever question a working father or make assumptions. No need for femnism, hey?

    Re feeling pressure to return to work, feminists cannot help the cost of living. That ain't our fault! I feel immense pressure to be a SAHM and am often accused of"putting lifestyle before family". This is the pressure placed on women, no matter what we do we are doing the wrong thing, hence why we need feminism.

    [/rant]
    This. I work in finance and 99% of the people I work with are men. When I mention my DS the FIRST question is always "so who's looking after him if you're here in HK/Singapore/New York?"

    I have NEVER heard a man ask another man who is looking after his kids. It's assumed the mother and never questioned. It sh1ts me no end!

    My rockape XH also refuses to take responsibility for the logistics of DS's life even though he has him 50% of the time. It's still up to me to cover school books, attend parent teacher meetings, organise medical visits etc etc. He will NEVER change bc he is assured of his own superiority due to his ownership of a penis and his family support him in that.

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  9. #296
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    Let's not whinge about the sperm donors ladies it doesn't do us any favours in a feminist thread .... (women have the ability to choose who they procreate with)

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Let's not whinge about the sperm donors ladies it doesn't do us any favours in a feminist thread .... (women have the ability to choose who they procreate with)
    Not always.

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  12. #298
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    interesting article popped up on FB
    http://www.thescavenger.net/feminism...67554-508.html

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  14. #299
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    Good read, interesting to see Zahra's perspective. Thanks for sharing Trish.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Let's not whinge about the sperm donors ladies it doesn't do us any favours in a feminist thread .... (women have the ability to choose who they procreate with)
    I think the attitudes and actions of men, good and bad, is highly relevant and not to be trivialised as 'whinging'. I don't think having a partner who has backwards attitudes regarding childcare (and his workplace) can be blamed on the woman. As a hypothetical, what if there was abuse involved? Would that be her fault for choosing him too? No, sorry, you can't whinge about him smacking you, you chose to marry him......

    VicPark, you are arguing very heavily for personal reponsibilty, which I understand, but its very difficult for every individual person to fight ingrained sexism that is seen by many as the norm or 'tradition'. Thats why people band together as a movement, strength in numbers, and call it feminism.
    Last edited by Bongley; 12-08-2012 at 07:24.

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