It isn't just as simple as he's a jerk and she needs to grow a backbone. DV is far more insideous than that, the foundations that are laid in him are far deeper than that.
Yep I agree, women tend to more attracted to those jobs bc of flexible hours. But the question here is (in a partnered relationship) why is it always the woman whose career has to take a back seat? Bc that's what's expected of us. Men continue to work, unabated, having no time off. The child is sick, the woman takes the time off work. She is often relagated to a job with less pay, that she doesn't really like.- As for pay I believe women mostly are on an equal footing. I don't believe men and women get different pay for EXACTLY the same job. Women who have had a break from the workforce to raise kids will likely cop a drop in income as their skills may be outdated. Women are also attracted to fields that for whatever legitimate reason are lower paying (eg jobs with more flexible hours son they can be there for the kiddo's).
Why don't we see more men taking the night fill while their wives rise the corporate ladder? bc imo a 'good' woman puts her kids first.
Bc the issues run far deeper than just a lazy husband. Again, women are told they are the primary care givers, working or not. It's become an ingrained thing thru literally a thousand years that the kids and house are a woman's job. Feminism seeks to not only free women of that, but to help men understand that in this modern age a decent husband shares the load.Finally...Why is the hubby not also taking time off to share the role of looking after sick kids so one workplace is not overly burdened? If the female doesn't demand equal help from her spouse then she can't complain about losing her job while the spouse climbs the corporate ladder.
The issue really isn't that she needs to harden up with him, it's that he needs to do the right thing no? why should dealing with and leaving a DV relationship be all up to the woman? why should a lazy husband be her fault bc she won't 'make' him toe the line? Where is the man's role in all these situations? do they have no responsibility for their own behaviour? men are not children they are meant to be adults and placing all the onus on the woman is imo, victim blaming.
Bc women have bought into the whole virgin/wh*re dichotomy that society perpetuates. I found this piece summed up what I'm trying to say- As for men being congratulated for sexual conquests and women being looked down upon. Women have the ability to show self confidence in their decisions and to flip the bird to anyone giving them a hard time. People only look down upon us if we let them. And besides, half the 'scrag' comments come from other women so it's hardly a woman is being mistreated by men issue.
Last edited by delirium; 08-08-2012 at 21:10.
I think after reading all of this that the confusion comes from the assumption that (bar 1 or 2) those who do not want to be labelled are anti-feminism. Not wanting the label does not mean people are against it.
I've read this whole thread with curiosity and even commented a couple of times ...
Op asked why women don't want to identify themselves as feminists ... But it seems that those that do can't actually agree on what a feminist is ... I have seen all the dictionary meaning posted and then the terminology bandied about. I find it interesting.
After reading this thread I think I identify as an egalitarian and I don't think I can be a feminist as well. Because I believe in equality between everyone and not just one group of people ... Does that make sense? Surely if I am a feminist I would believe in the rights of women first and everyone else second??? So if I am advocating for one group who can I be advocating for everyone ... Geez I hope that makes sense?
Absolutely not, you can be a feminist, pro gay equality and an environmentalist all at the same time, it doesn't mean that you feel more strongly about one or the other.
I find it odd that you don't think you can advocate for another group if you identify as feminist? Where is that in the description.
I think you'll find that the people who aren't agreeing on what a feminist is are people who don't identify as feminists.
Feminism has fought no wars. It has killed no opponents. It has set up no concentration camps, starved no enemies, practiced no cruelties. Its battles have been for education, for the vote, for better working conditions.. for safety on the streets… for child care, for social welfare… for rape crisis centers, women’s refuges, reforms in the law. If someone says ‘Oh, I’m not a feminist,’ I ask ‘Why? What’s your problem?’— Dale Spender 1985
"Fair is not everybody getting the same, it's everybody getting what they need"
I've only read the first few pages of the thread but what ToughLove posted - is that woman for real?! Imagine if a man wrote that sort of thing about a woman, there'd be outrage.
I think those identifying as feminists know exactly what it means and why it's needed, seems the confusion stems from some of those who dislike the label or disagree with the definition and still prefer to think of feminists as extremists. JMO.
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