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  1. #21
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    I think I understand. I only have 4 children but so much of me has gone into them, that now they don't need me so much , I am really struggling to work out who I am.
    A big part of that has been my physical changes too. I put on a small amount of weight throughout my productive years, but since #4 stopped breastfeeding over 3 years ago I have struggled to look after me and have gained a huge amount of weight. Once my body stopped having a function, I no longer valued it.
    Now when I look in the mirror I no longer recognise myself. I can't and don't want to go back to who I was before kids, but I don't yet know who the future me is.
    Sorry that turned into a long sob story about me! But I think I understand. Now that your body no longer has a 'purpose' it's hard to find a reason to look after it.

    Sent from my HTC One X using BubHub

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think it must be a woman/mother thing. He's so damn logical about it. Talks facts and figures re money, housing, space, jobs etc. Wheras I just don't feel complete if that makes sense.

    I'm beginning to get resentful... not necessarily of him, but just the situation that was handed to me when in my 20s and the fact I missed out on the life I wanted.

    I can't imagine how I will feel if/when I have my final baby.
    Yeah, it's a tough one. I would have felt that way if I hadn't been 'allowed' to have 5. I'm completely finished now but never was before. So the not feeling complete definitely makes sense to me .

    I can relate to the next bit...sort of, I went straight into motherhood youngish without planning for it....but for me it got me out of a really bad place. I am just trying to fill in the gaps now which I am struggling with!

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakabla View Post
    I think I understand. I only have 4 children but so much of me has gone into them, that now they don't need me so much , I am really struggling to work out who I am.
    A big part of that has been my physical changes too. I put on a small amount of weight throughout my productive years, but since #4 stopped breastfeeding over 3 years ago I have struggled to look after me and have gained a huge amount of weight. Once my body stopped having a function, I no longer valued it.
    Now when I look in the mirror I no longer recognise myself. I can't and don't want to go back to who I was before kids, but I don't yet know who the future me is.
    Sorry that turned into a long sob story about me! But I think I understand. Now that your body no longer has a 'purpose' it's hard to find a reason to look after it.

    Sent from my HTC One X using BubHub
    to you. That would be tough too, if you aren't physically happy where you are. I guess I go a bit the other way and just don't worry about eating because no one else needs me too. Or just live on coffee. Don't be sorry for sharing, glad you did! It's important x

  4. #24
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    Awesome thread, thank you OP. My kids were quite close together, so I pretty much had 6 years of being pregnant, or bf'ing, or both together without a break. When I finished bf'ing my youngest it was a bit odd - my body was MINE for the first time in years. One thing I really noticed was I'd only had AF maybe twice in those 6 years, and when it returned - O. M. G!!! What a nightmare!! Nearly bad enough to make me want another child (I was *definitely* finished ) So I've taken steps to prevent it - too used to going without - I've got lazy

    But as everyone says, I'm a very different "me" to the person I was before this whole motherhood juggernaut began. I've been lucky enough to be a SAHM since having our first, so I guess the next big step for me will be when our youngest starts school & I look at going back to work - that kind of frightens me. I've been away from work for so long, and I wasn't really in a career type job.... So I'm not really sure which way I'll go. I'd love to get work in a school so I could have the same hours and holidays as my kids, but..... Well, I haven't got the time or motivation at the moment to become a teacher! I know there's other roles, and I'll figure it out somehow.

    I think that is going to be the bigger change for me. Even though my body isn't supplying nutrition anymore, I guess with my kids all relatively young still in some ways it still belongs to them a bit. I still end each day covered in dribble and stickiness from fingers and faces, I can't sit down without someone climbing on me, etc...

    Hmmm... I'm rambling a bit. But yes, OP, I do understand how you feel

  5. #25
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Although i don't have kids yet this is what I was talking about the other day - how to I gradually evolve to be this person who is amother and also me.

    OP, perhaps for you it is not so much about having a life you are happy with now - it sounds liek a wonderful life where you are also hugely independent and pursuing individual goals as well as family things. Maybe its about finally having the time to process the pre-kids years?

    About aligning/merging/connecting who you are now to who you were when you very very little before things went off course and who you become as a yougn adult.

    Im not sure because im not you, but I was in councelling for almost 2yrs 'merging' my adult self with my innocent born self and my troubled self. It wasn't soo much about changing who I was as an adult but connecting all the other bits of myself back to the person and having a continum of existence if that makes sense?

    DUnno, everyone is different but maybe this is something you are yearning to do?

  6. #26
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    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    I know i haven't done long stretched like some of you have - but I did do 4 years of pregnancy/breastfeeding - and I remember "coming out of the cocoon" when I weaned DD.

    The first thing I remember is buying clothes that I didn't have to worry about fitting in to, or how was I going to feed in that? I could wear dresses that had zip up the back! I could wear high-heels (which was a real challenge when I was pregnant or hauling around a small baby!).

    I also went out and ditched my glasses for contacts, had my hair done and spent money on jewellery and makeup. It was like I could finally concentrate on ME. I also got my energy back - no more iron tablets thank you very much!

    But its been over a year now and I have to admit sometimes I yearn for that closeness with my babies again. I THINK I am finished. DH say no more. I am not ready for another - give me a year and then check back with me!!

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    I can relate... I have 4 children, my youngest has only just turned 1, so still a baby, but I often think what the next phase of my life will bring once all my kids are at school. I know what pp said, (Sakabla?), there's not much of the old me left, it's hard to remember what I was like before kids...

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  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    It's funny. I have NO desire to HAVE another baby, none.at.all. Definitely feel finished and ready for the next stage....and I feel excited. It's just that now I am here, I have realised I don't know myself as that has been my focus for so long.
    I am coming up to 3 years of being pregnant/breastfeeding so am in awe of someone was done it for 4 times longer than that! I'm also hoping to have that feeling one day of being "done" and I worry that, if we decide against #3, I'm never going to feel it.

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    It's been about 5 yrs since I fell pregnant with #1 and I've been breastfeeding and/or pregnant since. I'll be feeding for a while yet (DS is almost 9 months now), but I'm really looking forward to the next stage of life where I won't have to worry about clothing with boob access and DH and I can have some time away by ourselves again.
    I guess because I'm such a planner I have in my mind what the next few years are going to bring. Or at least my goals for that time.
    Because I haven't worked away from home in the last few years, I've got to focus on getting my career back on track, earning my own money (and spending it!) and getting the kids off to school.
    Anyway, I don't know if I've added anything, but I get it!

  12. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4fullstop View Post
    Awesome thread, thank you OP. My kids were quite close together, so I pretty much had 6 years of being pregnant, or bf'ing, or both together without a break. When I finished bf'ing my youngest it was a bit odd - my body was MINE for the first time in years. One thing I really noticed was I'd only had AF maybe twice in those 6 years, and when it returned - O. M. G!!! What a nightmare!! Nearly bad enough to make me want another child (I was *definitely* finished ) So I've taken steps to prevent it - too used to going without - I've got lazy

    But as everyone says, I'm a very different "me" to the person I was before this whole motherhood juggernaut began. I've been lucky enough to be a SAHM since having our first, so I guess the next big step for me will be when our youngest starts school & I look at going back to work - that kind of frightens me. I've been away from work for so long, and I wasn't really in a career type job.... So I'm not really sure which way I'll go. I'd love to get work in a school so I could have the same hours and holidays as my kids, but..... Well, I haven't got the time or motivation at the moment to become a teacher! I know there's other roles, and I'll figure it out somehow.

    I think that is going to be the bigger change for me. Even though my body isn't supplying nutrition anymore, I guess with my kids all relatively young still in some ways it still belongs to them a bit. I still end each day covered in dribble and stickiness from fingers and faces, I can't sit down without someone climbing on me, etc...

    Hmmm... I'm rambling a bit. But yes, OP, I do understand how you feel
    Ramble away and good luck with your back to work journey. I have largely been a SAHM, with some gym work here and there. But now I am lucky enough to have a job where I can take the kids with me (I run a public swimming pool.) So there are definitely good opportunites out there


 

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