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  1. #11
    SpecialPatrolGroup's Avatar
    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    I think that remembering who you are also involves acting who you are. Don't feel guilty in leaving bubs at home with your DH to go out for lunch or dinner with your girl friends, or going out on date night wiith DH, reading a book that has absolutely nothing to do with how to settle an over tired baby etc.

    Take some time out from plnning for bub and go out with your DH and do some of your old stuff, even if it is something that seems really anti baby like go out dancing, or see a live band, if that's your thing.

    Are you planning on keeping up your herb business once bubs is here? I know that that is work, but it will help you to remember that there is more to you than being a portable milk station etc.

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  3. #12
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I used to be the martyr mum. never did anything for myself, never took time out, bc I thought that made me a parent that couldn't cope. A parent that loves being a parent doesn't need time out! I was an idiot lol

    See I truly believe a great parent who does do all that stuff for their kids, but also makes them independent by being independent themselves and finding happiness outside of their kids. I can already see myself being sucked into the vortex of matyr mum and it freaks me ALOT, for myself and future happiness but also for the child IYKWIM. Its such a burdon on a kid to have parents who are dependent on you I reckon.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    I have hobbies, and the gym and other fitness classes; For an hour or so most days i leave the house without the kids, listen to my music, and my mind is blank and free from "what needs to be done" i just focus on being in the zone (the, my body is working so hard if i dont be in this zone ill stop and want to sit down) zone. And i love it. Its great.
    That's exactly how I am at the gym. My shuffle in my ears with the music cranked, in my own little world not thinking, just for 1 hour, about the washing needing to be done, or what I'll cook for dinner.

    It's my time when I get my body and mind healthy.

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    See I truly believe a great parent who does do all that stuff for their kids, but also makes them independent by being independent themselves and finding happiness outside of their kids. I can already see myself being sucked into the vortex of matyr mum and it freaks me ALOT, for myself and future happiness but also for the child IYKWIM. Its such a burdon on a kid to have parents who are dependent on you I reckon.
    Yep. I don't feel my kids are a burden (but maybe I am a burden on them! I am sure I am! Lately I have felt, gosh, I haven't really taken a breath in 12 years. Who am I? I always thought it was bad to think about having an hour away from your kids, I always thought it would make me selfish.

  7. #15
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    Yep. I don't feel my kids are a burden (but maybe I am a burden on them! I am sure I am! Lately I have felt, gosh, I haven't really taken a breath in 12 years. Who am I? I always thought it was bad to think about having an hour away from your kids, I always thought it would make me selfish.
    Yeh that makes total sense you life pre and post bubs are TOTAL opposite, there are prob very few or nothing similarities between the two.

    It must be a frightening and also exciting time if your life

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    See I truly believe a great parent who does do all that stuff for their kids, but also makes them independent by being independent themselves and finding happiness outside of their kids. I can already see myself being sucked into the vortex of matyr mum and it freaks me ALOT, for myself and future happiness but also for the child IYKWIM. Its such a burdon on a kid to have parents who are dependent on you I reckon.
    I agree. I won't speak for anyone else but me, but when I feel fulfilled, like I have something outside of scrubbing floors and cooking, I find myself more relaxed and less resentful, as my kids are rather demanding.

    I'm still me, and if I don't know who I am, I'm setting the kids a poor example. DD will grow thinking a mothers sole duty is being a martyr. DS will grow expects his wife to be a martyr.

    I think the interesting thing, is that men *usually* keep doing most of the stuff they did before having a family. They still go for drinks, play golf, ride their motor bikes, and mums are criticized on here if they don't want their partners doing that as "men have a right to have interests outside the house, stop cramping his style". Yet as mums, we feel we almost have to ask permission for a break, both from ourselves and others.
    Last edited by delirium; 05-08-2012 at 18:17. Reason: typo

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  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    Yeh that makes total sense you life pre and post bubs are TOTAL opposite, there are prob very few or nothing similarities between the two.

    It must be a frightening and also exciting time if your life
    Completely opposite, completely

    Yes it is

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  12. #18
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Hmm I don't know I don't feel like I am anybody else but a mum it's all I've ever wanted to be I do struggle with what I will do once my kids are grown up enough not to need me on a day-day basis hubby doesn't want me to work which is fine as I have no desire to go back into the workforce I think I will be happy as an aba councillor or lactation consultant I'm planning on doing surrogacy once we are done with our own children and they are all at school f.t.

    At the moment I just do my little me things, read, sing along to music (while I clean usually) hang with friends.. I lead a pretty basic boring life and I'm happy with that

    Sorry I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't miss doing anything I use to do (except maybe the odd night out, not clubbing but just socializing).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    I always thought it was bad to think about having an hour away from your kids, I always thought it would make me selfish.
    I used to think that way too. But then in line with that thread about what is selfish, I say selfish is doing stuff at the detriment of your kids. Blowing your rent and food shop money on partying or getting your hair done is selfish. Having a girly night once in a while with a few bucks you can afford, while your kids are well cared for, isn't.

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  15. #20
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    yeh thermy im not one to party or socialise excessively anyway - I am a very family/home body person so I don't imagine I am about to start a life that is polar oppsoite.


 

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