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  1. #1
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Default How do you remember who you are?

    Im only 27wks and im kinda mentally exhausted. I feel like all I do is thing about hte pregnancy/baby 24-7 and it is abit draiing. I don't have the skill/talent to turn off even for 30min a day. I figure its something I need to work on because if it is already tiring me out how am i going to cope when bub is actually here and really requires me 24-7. To those who have been there before what do you do to stay connected to you??


    I don't want to be someone who loses myself for the next 20yrs and then feel like I have no life because my kids moved on.

    I want to help mould independent children that I can set free - I know its a long way away but I also know my personality and I can see myself getting totally lost.

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    I put music on really loud and dance around and sing really loudly (my girls are being babysat today and i have spend a lots of time doing this today). I know that sounds stupid but it makes me feel happy and reminds me of me before babies.
    I also went to tafe and that was my time to focus on something totally unrelated to babies and parenting, it was a great little escape for me and also made me feel like i was more than just a mum. I am no longer able to do this and i notice how much harder it is for me to remember who i am aside from a mum.
    When DH and i go out without the kids (albeit rare) we try to not talk about the kids too much, we kind of pretend we don't have any for a couple hours (it can be very challenging to come up with other topics to talk about but we try our best and it does make us feel like 'us' rather than just parents).

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

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    I found being pregnant mentally draining as I was constantly worried about the baby being okay (this was not helped by a few scares along the way).

    I do not think parenting is a breeze but I have found it fairly easy (most of the time, I still have moments where I pull my hair out ) and so I do not feel that I have lost myself.

    I work part time and I have done since DS was six months old and this, together with still having a social life with friends, ensures that I do not lose 'me'.

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

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    I found the first few months, prob year, I did lose myself a bit as they are so dependent but as he got older I started going for walks on my own, putting him to bed early to watch a movie by myself, returned to work. Now I am more than happy to leave him with DP some evenings to see my girlfriends or go shopping or...whatever I want. He loves his nights in with DP so it's win-win.

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

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    It's a good point. I have spent the last 12 years being a parent, being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding. And I have always said, ahh, it's ok, when you have kids you become a mother and that's all you need, yada yada. But now that I have finished having bubs and breastfeeding I am feeling as bit lost. Don't get me wrong, I loooove my kids (obvioulsy as I have 5) and there is still pleeeeennnty to do but for the first time I am thinking I need to look after me as well, just sometimes. The pre kids me and this me are so different, I don't want to be the old me so I am not sure if I ever knew who I was. I am also craving time just with Dh and I. Good thread, I shall be reading along.

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

  10. #6
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    frenchie - yeh thats what I mean. I always wanted to be a mum and I hope it all goes well and agrees with me and we are a happy little family.

    I knew as soon as I saw 2 lines on the stick I was never going to be the same person and I am ok with that - I think its natural and normal.

    I just want to be mindful of limiting to myself to only being a mother and forget all the other things I enjoy (including a peaceful mind). I imagine you never don't think about your kids or worry about them or do anything you possibly can for them, but I don't want to become dependent on them for my own happiness IYKWIM?

    I guess im realising im evolving into a new person, I just want to be aware of what sort of person I am turning myself into if that makes sense.
    Last edited by Buttoneska; 05-08-2012 at 17:55.

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    I think the key is find something you really enjoy doing, that has nothing to do with parenting, and set aside time to do it. It doesn't matter what it is, it could be exercise, reading, painting, studying, working, whatever - just come up with something that you would like to do and start finding time to do it. And remind yourself that that time is yours alone, not to be spend thinking about the kids

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

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    Music, art, reading, other interests (tv series, gaming etc) and soon study. It gets easier as the kids get older and don't need so much one on one attention all the time and go to kinder etc.

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

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    I used to be the martyr mum. never did anything for myself, never took time out, bc I thought that made me a parent that couldn't cope. A parent that loves being a parent doesn't need time out! I was an idiot lol

    I go to the gym 4-5 times a week, both for the time out, and for my health. I refuse to feel bad for it EVER. I have hot baths with bubbles. Every so often when the bills are paid and we have a decent pool of savings I'll spent $100 on more gym clothes or something nice for me.... although DH has to push me sometimes bc I feel bad.

    I'm a SAHM so I do a lot of stuff with the school P&C. Not just to benefit my kids, but so I feel more than just a glorified cleaner and chef.

    One of the reasons I come to BH is to engage in serious intellectual topics to keep my mind ticking over. I still have a brain

    I've starting a knitting project for a blanket for DS's bed. I find it relaxing and just some time for me

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    Buttoneska  (05-08-2012)

  17. #10
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    I have hobbies, and the gym and other fitness classes; For an hour or so most days i leave the house without the kids, listen to my music, and my mind is blank and free from "what needs to be done" i just focus on being in the zone (the, my body is working so hard if i dont be in this zone ill stop and want to sit down) zone. And i love it. Its great.


 

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