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  1. #11
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    My advice is just tell her only with the two of you she will be happy for you but just feel a little let down its not her i have been doing ivf for years my brothers wife got pregnant not.long after i lost a baby they told everyone first just because they didnt know how to tell me i had a stranger say oh i hear your brother is havimg another baby it was like a knife had gone into my heart i waited ages after that before he told me it felt worse being the last one told so please.just tell her but then make up a reason why you have to leave dont hang around at her house for hours and talk about what a suprise it was and wasnt planned so then she can have time alone to deal with it my sister also had a little girl 3 days after i lost another she named her little girl after me
    iam sure she will be happy for you
    Tell us how it goes

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    wygiwygaingw  (04-08-2012)

  3. #12
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    OP I agree with the others, you are a wonderful friend to have given so much thought to how the news will be received and it is never easy on either side. I can also appreciate how difficult it has been for my close friends and family to have had to tell me this news (for some of them more than once!). It has always hurt (particularly so in the earlier years of our journey) but I always appreciated the sensitivity with which they considered our feelings and for me that was key and is the reason we are still close.

    Congrats on your pregnancy!

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    Cat21  (04-08-2012)

  5. #13
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    Avamia, this really isn't the time or the place to be promoting your book. I would suggest a new thread rather than coming in on such a sensitive topic. I'm glad complementary therapies have worked for you, however a more 'natural' approach as you put it isn't going to help someone who has lost their tubes, their partner does not produce sperm without surgical intervention, or their uterus is scarred over with adhesions etc etc.
    Last edited by Starf1sh; 04-08-2012 at 09:52.

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    AceOfBase  (04-08-2012),Cat21  (04-08-2012),Glover  (04-08-2012),Guest654  (04-08-2012)

  7. #14
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    I recently had to tell a friend who has been having trouble trying to conceive and I called her that way she didn't have to put on a smile for me but I really like the email girlx mentioned. I wish I had done something like that instead. The phone call was still awkward. Good luck and congratulations.

  8. #15
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    OP - it's lovely of you to care about your friend's feelings. However, what I find worse is when people tiptoe around such subjects and make it awkward, because they're trying to be "sensitive". Nothing worse than feeling like everyone feels sorry for you & are not telling you information because they assume you could not be happy for a friend just because they're having trouble themselves.

    Maybe I am alone in that, but to be honest I take great offence at the idea that people think they don't know how to tell me their good news because they've assumed I wouldn't be happy for them. I would have to be pretty self-obsessed and not a very good friend to begrudge them good news just because of my own situation. Hearing of other people's pregnancies doesn't upset me - it's not like there are a finite number of babies and pregnancies and every one that someone else has is taking mine away. Just tell them naturally, don't make a big deal out of it. But most of all, do not tell them last. Tell them before you tell other friends - the feeling that you didn't tell them beacuse you didn't know how to is the worst.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by peoniesarepretty View Post
    I would have to be pretty self-obsessed and not a very good friend to begrudge them good news just because of my own situation. Hearing of other people's pregnancies doesn't upset me - it's not like there are a finite number of babies and pregnancies and every one that someone else has is taking mine away.
    That's great if it doesn't upset you, but I don't think it makes you at all selfish if it does.

    At times pregnancy announcements really upset me. They remind me of what I don't have, and how much I want to be in their position. My first instinct is often to cry. I get over it, and I am happy for them, but I need time to get there, and I know that reaction is normal.

    We all respond differently.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    That's great if it doesn't upset you, but I don't think it makes you at all selfish if it does.

    At times pregnancy announcements really upset me. They remind me of what I don't have, and how much I want to be in their position. My first instinct is often to cry. I get over it, and I am happy for them, but I need time to get there, and I know that reaction is normal.

    We all respond differently.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub
    I think you've misinterpreted what I said. I was merely saying that I take offence if someone assumes that I would begrudge a friend their happiness & would somehow be incapable of being happy for them. That's all I'm saying.

  11. #18
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    I understand. I don't think anyone was saying that people would feel like that though (?) Just that sometimes people's first reaction may be to cry / get upset, even if they are still happy for that friend.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

  12. #19
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    No, but it's how I feel when people are too awkward/pitying/whatever. I feel like they're tiptoeing around me, and I hate it. Or worse - the feeling that they didn't tell you something because "it might upset you".

    As I said in my original post, maybe it's just me. So I was just trying to recommend not doing that.

  13. #20
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    I agree with some of the other posters. Keep it private, don't make a huge deal out of it and don't make her feel you've treated her any different. Also, make sure that she hears it from you, not on the grapevine.


 

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