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  1. #1
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    Default How shoud I tell her I'm pregnant again???

    I just want to get some opinions from ladies going though IVF...I am very fortunate as to not have any fertility issues and I recently found out I am pregnant with my third ( unplanned - complete contraception failure). However a very dear friend of mine has been trying for years to fall pregnant and I just don't know how to tell her?? She knows I considered my family complete so she will know it was not planned at all and I just really feel for her. How do you ladies feel when a good friend fall pregnant naturally , how do you like them to tell you the news? I know it will make her feel sad even though she will be happy for me and I want to be as sensitive as possible. I hope you don't mind me asking on this forum...I was not sure where else post this. Good luck to everyone with TTC...

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    MyBabyBells  (03-08-2012)

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    well from my own experience of taking years ttc, no matter how i was told weather it was privately or just them announcing it publicly made a difference, it still upset me greatly. depends on your friend, im now in a situation when the situation is reversed, just like you, im pregnant and it was unplanned etc.. a friend of mine has been ttc for years. i found that i have told her privately in the past and she has been grateful for it. i'd say tell her privately..

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    I'm coming up 2years ttc & been through ivf & still not pregnant, as mentioned above I think it's upsetting no matter what... However privately is best... Also don't drag it out & hide it, I find that worse! Good luck!


    FIRST CYCLE FEB/MAR 2012
    IVF ICSI BFP - but sadly miscarried @ 6 weeks..... :'(

    ET - 21/05/2012 - BFN
    ET - 14/06/2012 - BFN
    IVF all over for us for now..

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    Tell her privately but don't make it a big deal sort of thing I think. Like mention it with a caring sort of tone then change the topic before she really has a chance to let it sink in or tell her just before leaving the conversation so she doesn't have to hide her emotion from you.
    P.s congrats!

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    you are a good friend for considering your friends feelings. i have had several friends pull me aside for a 'special' talk or tell me at a cafe. it's horrible you feel like people pity you and you have to hide your emotions. personally i prefer an email. that way i can digest the news in my own time and cry if i need to. its not that you are unhappy for your friend but it is throws in your face what you are working so hard for and can't have. i hope it works out and don't take it personally if your friend needs space for awhile.


    xx
    ss

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    Definitely privately. It's still hard but so much better than finding out with everyone else or via Facebook or texting. Thank you for thinking of her...the IVF journey is often misunderstood by those who haven't been there.

    Good luck and congrats

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    I had the same situation, but with my aunty - who I'm very close to.

    She'd been TTC for 10 years, 5 ivf attempts and her husband is refusing to talk about adoption or sperm donors, so they've basically given up. I was really nervous how she would feel when I told her I was accidentally pregnant.

    I sent her a text (she lives in England) and though I'm sure there were initial feelings, she sent me back one a few hours later, she's been nothing but excited and supportive.

    It's such a difficult thing, I hope everything goes well for you, and your friend

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    I've had a friend tell me via email, and she wrote a lovely letter saying she did it that way so I didn't have to pretend to be happy straight away, and could react how I liked.

    I really appreciated that, as being told face to face (even privately) meant I still felt I had to be nice / happy, when all I wanted to do was cry.

    When I got pregnant with DD I did that with another friend struggling, and she said how much she appreciated being able to deal with it on her own, and then call me/ see me when she felt better about it.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

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    Eko  (04-08-2012)

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    I haven't had to travel the IVF journey, but I have to say that what Girl X described is absolutely a great way of doing it, I think personally.

    Giving someone else the chance to process the information without having to hide it or feel guilty for being sad is a very gentle way of passing on potentially devastating news to someone, so long as you explain in the email WHY you're doing it that way.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy!

    (and sorry for crashing the IVF thread, I was just wondering a similar thing myself as I'm dealing with a very similar situation with my sister at the moment).

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    I have just had to do this op ... Close relatives lost twins at 20+ wks after 10 yrs trying ... I became preg with our 3rd preg (2nd surprise preg) a week after this happened.
    I'm not an idiot I knew it would be upsetting ... We only told our parents and siblings and swore them to secrecy bc I didn't want them to find out thru grapevine ... Couple weeks later I called him and told him ... Said I knew it would be upsetting for them; he said it was awesome news and he couldn't wait to be a part of our babies lives ... They are very involved and loved by our kids. He thanked me for letting him now myself. I'm sure there was tears at their end - I lost it when I got off the phone.
    We have seen then since and they seem to have been able to process it.


 

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