I am not sure if I can do this again...!!

[ck2b]

Having recently found out I am pregnant with #3 - which has come as a HUGE shock, I am already fearing the labour! Both DD1 and DS2 where birth centre babies - 11- 12 hour labors but my labor with DS was terrible! Nothing went really wrong and I had him naturally but the pain of it was horrendous and is still very much with me. I don't want an epidural as I want a water-birth ( as with DD not DS as didn't work out). DS was a big baby at 4.32kg with a huge head so it was going to be harder but I felt totally out of control and it was just a horrible an rather traumatic experience. How can I avoid this again? How can I try and not be anxious about it? Anyone whose 2nd labor was worse then the 1st - who has gone on to a third? What was the third like? I always said I would never go drug-free again but I never thought I would really have make the decision again - and in my heart, I really do want another water-birth.

[squishie]

Look into a calmbirth course, it might be exactly what you need. It's exxy, but I think it was worth every cant and I'd pay double if I needed to! Feel free to pm me if you want to ask more

[headoverfeet]

I don't know the answer I guess for me it just comes with the territory? Baby has to come out one way or another but there is no way I'd risk drugs/epi so it doesn't leave much choice? Lol. Sorry I've had 3 births one in hospy with gas & 2 at home with nothing but a birth pool. I still sware for the next one I'll take the drugs but I know I won't I'll just do it.

BUT I don't find the pain traumatic and I'm not fearful of it. I think going into it with fear and risking further trauma is not a good idea. Are you open to non medicalized pain management? Hypno birthing, things like that? You might find the birth without fear facebook/blog helpful as well.

Can you have gas at the birth center? You should be able too? I coped quiet well with my first birth in the bath with the gas

[ck2b]

I did have gas with both births - as I said DD was a wonderful birth and I went into DS labor with no fear and it was terrible! I always thought 2nd births are easier so i was not prepared for it to be harder. I was thinking about calm-birth so will look into that and anything else that I think might help. Surely 3rd time around it has to be getting easier doesn't it???@!!

[Wastingtime]

My second birth I was not in control and the pain stayed with my for ages after she was born. My first birth was longer and essentially more difficult but I felt like I was in control the whole time and it made the world of difference.

The difference for me was how I had to labour...so I got educated, I realised that I didn't have to labour the way I did with my second (stuck on a bed on a CTG), I could have said no I just was so focused on just giving birth that I didn't think about saying no and my husband wasn't educated on birth enough to say no.

With my third, his labour was far longer then my first two births but it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I was educated, I was very clear with my midwife in my ante-natal classes that I absolutely would not have a labour like my 2nd, and I hired a doula. I had so much faith in trust in my body. It was amazing. I fell apart at the 24 hour mark but I had three people there to support me through that. I fell apart because I knew my labour wasn't going smoothly based on how much longer the labour was compared to my first two. However I went for 24 1/2 hours without any pain relief at all. I had gas for the last 20 minutes..gas helps me to get through the end bit and I'm okay with that. He was also my smallest baby...just smaller than my first but over a kilo smaller than my second (she was 4.58kg).

You need to work on your fear now though. Calmbirthing classes are great. I did them when pregnant with my second and I'm sure it is the only thing that stopped me from feeling traumatised from her birth.

[pinkplease3]

ck2b maybe you should look into some counseling? I know it sounds kinda extreme but I had a very rough time birthing ds1 and it stayed with me for a long time afterwards. It haunted me and I ended up talking to a female counselor about my fears, my experience and how I felt I handled the situation. Like any traumatic experience, it really helped to get some advice and let it out. I also invested in meditation classes. They taught me how to clear my mind when I was feeling sensitive towards what happened and to relax my body as the stress from it was like a spring under pressure and I was having all sorts of muscle related problems because of it.