I'm teetering on the edge right now.
The past month has been the worst of my life, and I'm really not sure where to go fom here.
I'm in my second bout of postnatal depression (2nd child), 3 or so weeks ago I had a psychotic episode and spent 9 days in the mental health unit. My relationshjp with the childrens father is only intact because I don't have the means (emotionally or financially) to support my two children by myself.
I have NO support network, my family live overseas and I have no friends.
Every day there is an argument about one thing or another with my "partner". He is completely unsupportive of my illness, often telling me to snap out of it and complaining that I never give anything back.
I am a stay home mum battling a mental illness, I don't HAVE anything to give.
Monday night we had a fire in our garage which pretty much gutted it, alot of sentimental items were lost and there is massive smoke damage. Luckily we got it out before it spread (the garage is attached to the house). But it was scary, I had to drag my two children (6yr old and 6mnth old) out of bed into the rain whilst our home filled up with smoke and then several firemen spent hours in our house while the other half was taken to hospital with smoke inhalation. He's fine and was discharged a few hours later.
We've now learned the owner doesn't want to use his insurance to cover the repairs so we now have to deal with fair trading, tenants rights etc, to fight liability as we cannot afford to pay to repair someone elses home.
Now every time I hear a noise in the garage I have an anxiety attack.
I've started on antidepressants which so far, I'm only feeling the side effects of. I'm exhausted constantly, the pills knock me out and I can't be woken once I'm asleep, and each night is filled with sick and twisted nightmares. I feel as though I haven't slept for weeks.
I spend every day in tears, whilst trying to look after my 2 children and cope with a partner bleeding me dry emotionally.
I called the mental health unit this morning to try and get in to see someone today and they were fully booked. I told them my predicament but they could offer no advice besides to distract myself.
My baby has been crying for 3 days and I've had to hold him pretty much constantly from 7am til 10pm every day as he screams when put down.
My house is full of the smell of the fire.
Tonight my "partner" had a massive go at me because apparently he's feeling down about the fire too but I'm "selfish and uncaring and never have time for supporting him". He left the house 2 hours ago, leaving me with my screaming baby again.
I have asked him several times to speak to someone as I know things cant be easy with me having spent the time in hospital etc but he refuses to.
I want to leave him but I have nowhere to go and I don't have a job, and I'm not a citizen so cannot get centrelink payments even though my children are both australian born. I also have no faith in my abilities to be a full time single parent.
He expects me to be emotionally supportive when I'm fighting a massive battle every hour of every day just to keep myself going.
I don't know what to do anymore.