I expect my children to obey me (doesn't mean they do! ... They are little). But as a parent I think it is important to teach my children to make decisions ... So, when we go out you must wear shoes but you can choose which ones (dd spent most of last summer in gumboots).
It is time for lunch ... Your options to choose are a sandwich or bowl of fruit ... If you don't want those that's it.
Some things have to be non negotiable ... Holding hands in car park etc.
We need to prepare these kids for life and meeting the expectations of the community.