View Poll Results: Would you prefer that your child obey you?

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  • Obey me

    9 42.86%
  • Disobey based on childs own judgement

    4 19.05%
  • Other

    8 38.10%
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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caviar View Post
    No, it doesn't make sense. Well it doesn't make sense to me. As a parent, I have the wisdom, I have the life experience and I call the shots because I have the responsibility to ensure that my child is taught appropriate life skills that will serve him well when I am no longer around.

    Naturally there is leeway for discussion when the occasion arises but I'm referring directly to the question posed by the OP.

    Being dictated to by a child? Not in my house
    I'm not talking about being dictated to from either direction but having active discussions about what's going on. Like when I'm getting my daughter ready to go out in the morning I'll often suggest that she should wear a jumper, sometimes she'll say she doesn't want to, I'll remind her it's cold outside and I think she should wear it. If she still insists she doesn't want it then I don't force it on her. Often we'll get to where we're going and she'll change her mind. It's a learning process, I can tell her that it's cold until I'm blue in the face but at 3 she sometimes doesn't understand that while we're standing in the nice warm house.

    On matters of safety I lay down the law, she knows my serious voice and tone and follows what I say in those circumstances. But the truth is just as we have rules and regulations in life we also have choices. Some of those choices have negative consequences but some are simply what do I want to wear today, eat today, buy with my left over cash - and just as I need to prepare my children to follow rules they need to have the capacity to make decisions as well.

    At 18 months my sons choices are things like what story to read before bed, which toys to play with, simple things like that. My 3yo gets choices like what to wear to bed, which cereal to have for breakfast etc.

    I know it's not common but there are some parents who dictate everything little thing their child must do, I believe it sets them up to be a follower while giving kids freedom (age appropriate of course) to make decisions sets them up to be leaders.

  2. #32
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    I see many young people at work who like to do just the fun parts of their jobs. They've learnt they can do what they like as long as it's not hurting anyone else, and they have no sense of doing something just because someone in an authority role tells you to. I have disagreements with my boss all the time, but I put my case to him and back down if he puts his foot down. He's my boss, I actually have to do what he says. But a few people below me... They don't argue back or anything, they just... Don't do it. I've been asking my assistant to do this one menial task for about 6 months now. It's boring and not urgent, and clearly he's decided he can't be bothered. I will teach my children that when someone above them wants you to do something, you do it, unless you have a valid objection to it, then you can discuss it.

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  4. #33
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    I do not want my child to blindly obey or agree with everything DF and I say. I want to encourage them to ask why and I have told DS that he is allowed to (politely) challenge everything and anything. Useing a saftey situation, if I want DS and DD out of the kitchen whilst I'm cooking or about to open the oven I ask him to leave. If he asks why then I explain to him that it's going to get very hot when I open the oven and I don't want you to burn yourself and if you go and play in the living room DD will follow you.

    It's my experience in the workforce that people are motivated to do things when they know the reason for it. Expecting an employee to blindly follow instructions does not make for a happy work culture. When I hold meetings and introduce new procedures for a workforce I explain the reasoning and the benefits for it, I don't just say "this is how it's going to be so go and do it".

  5. #34
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    I agree Bec...that is what I believe too. Just expecting kids to blindly follow rules without knowing why isn't achieving much IMO.

  6. #35
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    Even the military has room to question orders, within reason and with respect for the chain of command.

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Bec~ View Post

    It's my experience in the workforce that people are motivated to do things when they know the reason for it. Expecting an employee to blindly follow instructions does not make for a happy work culture. When I hold meetings and introduce new procedures for a workforce I explain the reasoning and the benefits for it, I don't just say "this is how it's going to be so go and do it".
    Of course. Letting everyone see the bigger picture and all that. With this particular task, we've discussed it many times- it showcases what we're doing and gives our customers much better access to our resources. Thing is, it's really boring work, lots of scanning and uploading and fiddling around. 70% of my job is boring fiddly annoying work. That's what happens when you go to work, and in life. to get good results you have to do boring stuff you don't want to do.
    I get explaining the benefits but at the same time I shouldn't have to 'sell' a task, or cajole someone into doing their own job. What do you do of you've explained and encouraged someone and they still don't do it? In my case, I tell them 'it needs to be done please do it' in other words 'obey me'



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  8. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by elleandsam View Post
    Even the military has room to question orders, within reason and with respect for the chain of command.
    Question orders, NOT disobey them.

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  9. #38
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    Why can you not have both?

    My ds can choose what shoes he wears, what he has for breakfast, which jumper he wears.

    But when i say its bedtime, its bedtime.

    When I ask him to stop atthe the road i expect him to stop at the road, when i say its time to leave, its time to leave.

    ,

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  11. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    For those who say 'only for safety' what about things like- screaming in a cafe, pulling things off a shelf in a shop, wanting to eat sugar for afternoon tea, not doing their homework, refusing to put on shoes for school, using bad language, the list goes on (LOL my 2.5 year old is currently trying to convince DP he should have a cup of coffee- should DP let him choose?)

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    Nope for all of the above, there are REASONS my child can not do all of the above, loud voices are for outside / at home, unless asked ds knows not to touch grocery store stuff, straight sugar is not a food, shoes are a 'rule' to keep our feet safe at school, its not nice to swear it makes you sound uneducated, coffee is an ADULT food.

    As for homework, once he is past an age i can barter or over rule the decision then clearly he accepts that he will miss out on play time the next day at school


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  13. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi View Post
    Nope for all of the above, there are REASONS my child can not do all of the above, loud voices are for outside / at home, unless asked ds knows not to touch grocery store stuff, straight sugar is not a food, shoes are a 'rule' to keep our feet safe at school, its not nice to swear it makes you sound uneducated, coffee is an ADULT food.

    As for homework, once he is past an age i can barter or over rule the decision then clearly he accepts that he will miss out on play time the next day at school


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    Yes, I guess what I'm getting at is those are YOUR reasons, that your child may disagree with. So you are expecting that they obey you because you know better than them. So, you are expecting your child to obey you when you think you are in the right, as do I. But I don't expect my child to obey without questioning, they can question all they like (in a respectful manner) but if they can't convince me then I absolutely expect to be obeyed. If my teenage daughter thinks I'm being unreasonable because I won't let her in a car with her boyfriend who has been booked for speeding, then that is just too bad. If she wants to drop maths or languages in year 10, if it's just because she hates science then too bad, if it's because she really has her heart set on drama and art, then it's negotiable. But in each instance, I have the final say.

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