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  1. #1
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    Default what was the final straw for you???

    hi

    i posted a little while ago..anyway i just remain confused about my realtionship with DH. everyone i talk to IRL tells me to leave..at times i feel so close to doing that. .....but what was the final straw that made u leave?..i mean besides obvious things like being physically assaulted or coming home and finding your DH in bed with someone...more like insidious lack of respect / nothing in common/ lack of shared goals / values etc i feel is more my issues...so what was it that finally made u just say thats it im done??? and how did u know that it wasnt a phase (u know young family , everyone tired etc) ..i guess thats what confuses me most??

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    I well and truly knew that I was ready to leave with my ex. I was fed up with life altogether, severely depressed about my situation and all I could think about was how much happier I would be just to be in a small unit of my own without him around. I couldn't stand to be around him, and the thought of DTD with him sent chills up me, and made me sick to think about.

    Good luck hun its never easy x

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    When I realised I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, didn't want to/couldn't see me growing old with him. When the kids grew up and left home, and I'd be left with just me and him, and realise I'd wasted my whole life sacrificing my own happiness, years I'd never get back.

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    When i realised my health was severely suffering, when my depression couldn't get any worse, when i began to envy my single status friends.

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    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    Quote Originally Posted by topaz00 View Post
    more like insidious lack of respect / nothing in common/ lack of shared goals / values
    This.

    If none of those things are there for you, then that would be enough to have made me leave ages ago!
    Lack of respect is a biggy. If I felt I wasn't respected I'd be out so quick you'd see the dust before you knew I was gone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarelou View Post
    I well and truly knew that I was ready to leave with my ex. I was fed up with life altogether, severely depressed about my situation and all I could think about was how much happier I would be just to be in a small unit of my own without him around. I couldn't stand to be around him, and the thought of DTD with him sent chills up me, and made me sick to think about.

    Good luck hun its never easy x
    This ^^^ plus when I asked him to give up drinking and go to marriage counselling with me and he refused.

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    Sarelou  (03-08-2012)

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    ok....some of these have made me really think....the lack of respect is a biggie for me....and its the little things that have worn me down..being nagged, being woken up at 3am by DH coming home drunk and snoring which really sucks when sleep is as precious as gold with a new baby, the rolled eyes behind my back when he had to go out to the car to get a bag of groceries id left in there cos wow its such an effort, the acting miserable UNTIL he is about to go out with mates then he perks up and is all happy ....and also i think more and more about "do i really want to spend the next 40 years with you".....nope. recently i was talking to DH about him starting a degree and advised him to try to do one thats online as i did a degree several years ago and the travelling was really stressful...anyway i got really stressed at the end of it and had to take valium but i finshed it with a great result...Dh said "well im not going to take advice from someone who went cuckoo when they did it"....thanks.

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    this is another example of what really gets to me.....my Dh has been woking an afternoon shift all week, he says his work is really stressful right now etc etc...he comes home and plays on the computer til 1am or later, a couple of times he has gone to work early this week to get stuff done..ok fair enuf...the days he didnt he lays in til the last minute......he has barely seen or played with DS all week....he then calls me tonight to "check" ( i find this manipulative..like what if i say no then im a biatch etc, he doesnt need my permission to go out, cos the times ive questioned things he gets narky so wht ask...) if he can go out tommorrow arvo /night with a few mates in the city and they will be staying in town ....he was planning on taking DS with him also earlier in the day to a football thing but now only wants to take him if i can wrangle it so i can pick DS on my way back from somewhere which is bit out of my way, otherwise DS will have to sit thru a boring 3 hour round car trip with me all day)..so he will now be written off all day sunday when he gets back as well.........its like he will anything he can he get out of "family" stuff or only do it if it fits around his socail life......am i nuts? this kinda stuff happens regularly. i just think ok youve been at work all week u want to go out ok whatever everyone needs me time but again its almost the whole weekend taken up with "single man" stuff....blah i dont know, it just irks me..its like what dont u want to spend anytime with your son? values yet again??? ..like an i asking too much to want a DH who WANTS to spend time with his family? makes me sad for DS.

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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Your husband sounds like my EX husband. Why is he my ex husband? Because he used to pull sh!t like your husband is doing all the time.

    Would go away for work for weeks on end, come home and have one day off and that one day would be spent with his mates. He'd come home from a long day, grab a beer and go stand at the back fence and talk to his mate or call his dad and I would be left to do everything with/for the kids. I understood he worked late but even at the times he was getting home, he could still do the 'fun' stuff with them like play in the bath and stuff.

    Family wasn't a priority to him and by the time he started to realise, I was well and truly over it and eventually left.

    One of the best decisions of my life so far.

    I'm sorry you got one too.

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    This makes me sad for you too. Life's to short to hope he will change. If you think you'll be better off without him, you probably will.
    *Hugs*


 

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