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  1. #261
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    Default My 35+ PG Buddies #10

    Oh JFB that would drive me nuts!!! No wonder you cracked it.

  2. #262
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    JFB - I hope you told your mum if the house was a mess feel free to clean it and thanked your mother for all her support! Gahhhh - I reckon no-one can bust your chops the way a mother does.... We must all remember this in 30 years!

    Well Indy is an obliging little chap ... He did two 4 hour stints last night ... Can you believe it?? After reading about the wonder weeks I just relaxed into feeding him more often during the day yesterday and letting him sleep in my arms ... So either the chat or the extra understanding helped! I am not however optimistic that it will happen again tonight ... But you never know. Anyway I feel somewhat human today

  3. #263
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    JFB I used to have a toxic relationship with my mother where she would criticize and nit pick the whole time she visited. It was awful. We'd get along great otherwise but as soon as she came to stay it was b!tchy and miserable.

    The time before her last visit when she started at me I asked her to speak to me like she would one of her friends, and I would try and do the same. So next time she nagged, or was critical, rather than get upset I said "mum, would you talk to Marie like that?". It worked. I also thought about how I spoke to her and improved that as well.

    The last two visits have been drama free and very happy.

    Some people can't break the habit but I just thought i'd pass this on.

    Hope you feel better soon xx

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    jfblady72  (08-09-2012)

  5. #264
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    sonja: thats it spot on...she is very critical of everybody and biatches non stop...its soooooooo draining. she has a lot of pain from arthritis , harry was getting on her nerves i could tell..anyway i was mega pi$$ED and dropped her at the train station without a word this morning. the kids have both been feral, everyone had had that weird sore throat cold thing and i desperately need some ME time away from them both..unfortunately DH is working and wont be home til later.............E has been soooooooo clingy, i cant put her down b4 she is crying and screaming after a minute or two...........omfg i would kill for a night in a winery!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. #265
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    Yeah I've always had a rotten relationship ith my mum through my late teens and 20s but since having the girls it terrifies me that that's how they'll feel about me one day. So often I hear myself saying things to them that just remind me of my mother, and I shudder. Don't get me wrong I love her to bits but it's really hard when your parents don't live in the same city - I really think once you have your own family guests can really only stay 3 days max before it gets frazzled and the kids go pear shaped.

    I've had to make a conscious decision to have a better relationship with my mother so I can look at my girls and know it can turn out differently.

  7. #266
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    Default My 35+ PG Buddies #10

    Sounds like you had a great solution there Sonja.
    My relationship with my mum is pretty crappy too, but got slightly different reasons.
    She is controlling, selfish and manipulative. But she has been really sick since I was 5. It is amazing she is still alive really. Unfortunately she took the negative road and has wallowed in her illness and uses it against us.
    Tbh, my dh has said that if she wasn't sick we all would have had a terrible relationship with her anyway. She just says nasty things and then gets offended if we call her on it. She harps on about weight too. Ages ago she congratulated me on losing a bit of weight, because my bum was getting a bit big. This was when I was a comfortable size 12! I'd had enough, and told her that it must run in the family, be hereditary etc. it took her a few minutes to realise I had insulted her. She has never mentioned weight to me since, but does criticize my eldest sister a lot.
    I hate that I have a mother who I hope with all my heart I am nothing like. My dad I would wish whole heartedly to be like though. He is goodness incarnate.

  8. #267
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    Default My 35+ PG Buddies #10

    What is it with mums and weight? My mums FIRST words to me when I excitedly told her I was pregnant with Henry was 'oh, what a pity you've just lost the weight and now your going to get fat again'.

  9. #268
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    it must be universal..i actually had 2 ppl in the past week comment that i had lost weight....but nope my mum has to be critical...MIL is just as bad....im over them, im calling it on them everytime now...its like does being an old bag give u licence to be a mean ****........

    i wont be like my mum..for various reasons im already a wayyyyyyyyy better parent.....

    the weird thing is my step mum (who i of course loathed as a child) is actually not like that at all...even today she said "look u just dont worry about housework cos they are little only for a short time and u never get that back"...she said i had lost weight too.

  10. #269
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    Fiona - it all makes sense when you know why babies fuss etc, I felt I was at my wits end during the 1st wonder week we had and then guilty once I was told what could be happening bcs I didn't think to feed Evie more as I just thought since I had not long ago fed her she was just unsettled for some other reason I had no idea she was hungry, so from then on when she was like that I just shoved my b00b in her mouth, it's not long before you can practically read them like a book & think oh yeah it's one of those weeks.

    M4N - sorry you're having a tough hectic time of it

    Amum - go GI Jane!

    My mum and I don't always see eye to eye and the way she has been lately I know she can't help it so it's been a learning curve for me to stop and think about it, I'd be lost without her.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Kismet For This Useful Post:

    fionaalice  (09-09-2012)

  12. #270
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    Jfb, my blood was starting to boil reading your post. What a shame your mother didn't use her energy constsructively and actually lift a finger to help you rather than sitting back and criticising. Had to laugh at her sulking, you poor thing. It must b like having yet another child to deal with...... your step mum on the other hand sounds like a bit of a gem.

    Fiona, sounds like things may be settling a little for you. Maybe a combination of both the chat and extra understanding that's helping


 

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