I had my 12 week scan today, I was so relieved to see the heart beating away. The rest of the scan was normal, or so I thought. There was no mention of anything, I walked away feeling like it was all finally real and we could let our DD and DS in on the little secret, along with the rest of the world.
Not even half hour later I got a call from my OB's aoofice asking me to come in for an urgant appointment. I think I knew then it couldn't be good news but I kept trying to convince myself it would be ok. I didn't even ask my DF to come with me as I didn't want to worry him.
I was told our baby is missing some of it's skull, there was more information but basically the words 'not compatible with life' was what I heard. I have a detailed scan tomorrow at the hospital but my OB, who was absolutely amazing, was sure there is no good outcome here. She said they will book me in for Friday for a D&C. It all feels so very wrong, I know there is a heartbeat and right now he or she is alive and it is crushing me to know by Friday it will all be over. I don't know how to start dealign with this... i don't know how to look at anyone or talk or be touched. I just want to go back 1 day. This was not a planned pregnancy, infact my partner was adamant about no more... it took a little while to sink in but I was thrilled. Now I just feel like my last ever experience with pregnancy and birth will be this. And it's killing me. Thank you to anyone who has read this far... and my thoughts go out to anyone who has had to do this.