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  1. #1
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    Default Missed miscarriage - why am I feeling like this?

    Last thurs I found out my baby had died 2.5 weeks beforehand. I was 10.5 weeks pregnant and had no idea anything might be wrong until wed when i had spotting. Had a d&c Friday.
    Life now carries on. I feel like I want to grieve but I am a bit numb and in many ways i feel like nothing has happened. I have had a couple of moments of being upset but the rest of the time I don't feel anything.
    Has anyone else experienced this? The baby was very much wanted and we were very excited at adding to our family. I just don't know why I can't feel this loss...

  2. #2
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    I also have had a missed miscarriage (found out at 12 weeks that bub had died at 6 weeks). I too had periods of feeling quite numb and detached but for me personally when it did hit it hit hard.

    Just remember there's no right or wrong way to get through this. You'll grieve it when and how you need to - trust yourself.

    *hugs*

  3. #3
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    I am so sorry for your loss
    I am felt numb so of the time after my d&c. I think that is how I got through what otherwise would have been a very, very painful time. Don't get me wrong I had horrible days where I couldn't stop crying and was very upset but I also had days where I felt completely numb.

  4. #4
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    Firstly, I'm so sorry about your loss

    You will grieve, it's inevitable. Your reaction isn't weird or anything, you're still processing it all.

    I had a missed miscarriage also (discovered at 17w5d, baby had passed almost two months prior), and there was such a flurry of activity, with the d&c and everything else. I was so numb I barely had time to really register what happened.
    Eventually it dawned on me- my tiny baby had died. I felt like a failure, because I didn't know. When I hit my due date I also grieved all over again.

    Give yourself time. There isn't a set reaction to this.

    (((hugs)))

  5. #5
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    Hugs, I was you but mine happened last Tuesday, i had a scan at 12 and by 3 pm i was in day surgery getting ready for a curette
    I felt guilty for not knowing my baby had died 2 weeks prior , I felt guilty for crying as at least I had DS whereas some women can't have any babies, I felt numb as my body and brain took a few days to realize i wasn't pregnant anymore, and today i thought I was back to normal and burst into tears when I saw a newborn in the coffee shop
    we all grieve differently and our hormones are all over the place, you cope how you need to, I was adamant I didn't want to try for another but now nearly a week later it's all I can think about , just take care of yourself and please let us know if you need to talk xxxx

  6. #6
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    Thanks ladies for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear of each of your losses.

    It's comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. I agree that with the speed of everything happening it is difficult to take it all in. Also once these lovely pregnancy hormones are gone and I'm back to my more emotional self (PMS etc) and I'll probably feel the loss more then.

    Elijahs Mum - I'm sorry to hear that your loss was so recent. I agree with what you say about your DS, I have a DD and she is getting me though this with a smile on my face (mostly - sometime in the last week she changed from being an older baby into a demanding toddler eek! But that is a whole other conversation!!). I'm also keen to try for a new baby - let's hope we both have some happier news in the near future.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to zee153 For This Useful Post:

    Elijahs Mum  (31-07-2012)

  8. #7
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    Huge hugs for your loss. Fly free angel.

    It is completely normal. I had a missed miscarriage, discovered at almost 15 weeks bub had passed in the 13th week. I had a d&c 2nd march this year.

    Ive kept a bit of a diary and it is ALL over the place. Numb, sad, confused, devastated, blessed and back to sad again. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it.

    Someone told me that the pain will never go away, but eventually you find a place in your heart to keep it. This is so true.

    As we approach her due date I sometimes feel overwhelmed with sadness, but I am blessed with a healthy son and he keeps me going. It is only in the last few weeks I have felt ready to try again.

    Take each day as it comes and go easy on yourself.

  9. #8
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    Thanks spideysmum - sorry to hear of your loss. Lots of emotions ended coming out for me this evening.

    By coincidence, I had stopped bf my DD the day before I found out about the mmc, and ever since i've been really missing the bf relationship (and I've noticed DD has too). I realised tonight that it is too much to grieve the loss of Bub and the loss of bf so I have started to bf DD again. The sweet relief of having that special connection with my beautiful girl again is therapy in itself!

    Also after I bf her I started bleeding again, red blood. I had only very slight brown spotting for days (tomorrow is 1 week post op). It reminds me of how you bleed after bf when you first give birth. Is this just a total coincidence, or has anyone experienced this also?


 

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