Neither example is selfish. Studying means bettering yourself so you cn earn more, and provide more for the child, so you never need govt assistance. Asking family to help with a special needs child.... not selfish at all. A burnt out, depressed parent is no good to a child, whereas a supported, calm parent is.
Examples I consider selfish parenting - spending all your money getting your hair done then not having food in the cupboards (I know a girl that constantly did this). Dumping your kids *every* weekend, all weekend on your family so you can go out and get p*ssed and pick up men (same girl lol). Choosing a partner over your kids.