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  1. #61
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    Neither example is selfish. Studying means bettering yourself so you cn earn more, and provide more for the child, so you never need govt assistance. Asking family to help with a special needs child.... not selfish at all. A burnt out, depressed parent is no good to a child, whereas a supported, calm parent is.

    Examples I consider selfish parenting - spending all your money getting your hair done then not having food in the cupboards (I know a girl that constantly did this). Dumping your kids *every* weekend, all weekend on your family so you can go out and get p*ssed and pick up men (same girl lol). Choosing a partner over your kids.

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  3. #62
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    I'm thinking about going back and either doing an MA or some sort of design course next year. Either will be purely hobby study for me as I have no intention of using them to gain employment.

    I'm cool with people thinking that is indulgent. It is a bit I guess.

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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    I'm thinking about going back and either doing an MA or some sort of design course next year. Either will be purely hobby study for me as I have no intention of using them to gain employment.

    I'm cool with people thinking that is indulgent. It is a bit I guess.
    But a fulfilled parent is a happy one and I have huge belief in bettering yourself thru education. Academically I have no regrets. I'm educated and when I go back to work, while I start back at the bottom of the ladder bc I've been out a while, it won't take me long to get back up to minor management where I was before.

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  6. #64
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    I think it comes down to a family's personal beliefs and also the personality of the child.

    For me, I feel guilty being away from my babies at all, but that is just ME and I know it's unfounded guilt. I have very very social happy children who are happy to go to daycare, gym creche, be left with grandparents etc... so how is me being away from them being selfish, when they are just as happy either way?! It's not of course. It's just stupid mothers guilt.

    If however, my child was very shy, disliked being left with others, and I FORCED that on them by leaving them regularly, yes I believe that would be selfish. If I was studying a lot, or constantly occupied by other things, and my kids were pining for me, or I was being short with them, telling them to go away, leave me alone etc... that would be selfish.

    I work 3 days a week and go to the gym regularly, and my kids love it! I never leave them to go out or socialise, coz that just doesn't interest me.

    If your babies are healthy and happy then whatever you're doing is fine. If they're not.. then you're doing something wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Neither example is selfish. Studying means bettering yourself so you cn earn more, and provide more for the child, so you never need govt assistance. Asking family to help with a special needs child.... not selfish at all. A burnt out, depressed parent is no good to a child, whereas a supported, calm parent is.

    Examples I consider selfish parenting - spending all your money getting your hair done then not having food in the cupboards (I know a girl that constantly did this). Dumping your kids *every* weekend, all weekend on your family so you can go out and get p*ssed and pick up men (same girl lol). Choosing a partner over your kids.
    I know a few people like this!!!!! It drives me crazy!!!! One girl is ALWAYS getting her hair done monthly, always gets her nails done and fake tan, yet complains that she can't afford formula for her child. And the other always has a case of alcohol in the house, yet when I would visit her she would always try to guilt me into giving her money as she didn't have enough food for her son. I don't have anything to do with her anymore as I just find it SO selfish!!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post

    If your babies are healthy and happy then whatever you're doing is fine. If they're not.. then you're doing something wrong.
    Agree

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    Sadly I see selfish parents so often. One family who is in our lives (not by choice) make me physically sick.

    The parents will go out drinking and partying and then txt the next day asking to borrow money for the kids nappies as they spent everything the night before. They left their 2 week old baby with a babysitter they had never met before so they could attend a concert. They showed up almost 24 later than they said they would after DOCS and police were involved.

    From what I have read in here, hobbies, date nights and studying are not selfish. They are looking after your mental health which in turn benefits your children. My kids are in care 4 days a week while I do my Uni work. I feel guilty all the time but its what I have to do to get a decent job in my field.

    Seriously stop having a go at each other. Why such a silly thing. I'm honestly jealous that I cant do some of the things you have all mentioned because I am time poor. Enjoy your drinks, child free time, hobby classes and studying. Because it sounds freaking awesome!!!!!

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  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~ElectricPink~ View Post
    I know a few people like this!!!!! It drives me crazy!!!! One girl is ALWAYS getting her hair done monthly, always gets her nails done and fake tan, yet complains that she can't afford formula for her child. And the other always has a case of alcohol in the house, yet when I would visit her she would always try to guilt me into giving her money as she didn't have enough food for her son. I don't have anything to do with her anymore as I just find it SO selfish!!!!!
    yeah see I see that as neglect, plain and simple. Getting your nails done or buying a case of beer when not having money for a tin of formula or basic food is not good parenting. (and I rarely say that lol but it is)

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    I wonder if the going out drinking and not having enough money for food is some kind of mental health issue? Depression or something?

    I'm owed money by a friend who told me she was desperate as she needed food and bills paid. I'm not expecting to get it back as on Facebook I am always alerted to her expensive new shoes, new clothes and other purchases. Now I wonder if she just ran out of money and wanted some retail therapy - maybe some kind of addiction or something?

    That kind of lifestyle sounds like my worst nightmare. Imagine how stressful it must be.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I wonder if the going out drinking and not having enough money for food is some kind of mental health issue? Depression or something?

    I'm owed money by a friend who told me she was desperate as she needed food and bills paid. I'm not expecting to get it back as on Facebook I am always alerted to her expensive new shoes, new clothes and other purchases. Now I wonder if she just ran out of money and wanted some retail therapy - maybe some kind of addiction or something?

    That kind of lifestyle sounds like my worst nightmare. Imagine how stressful it must be.
    Yep I don't get it at all. It's bad enough stressing about buying your groceries these days (my last shop for 4 people was over 200 dollars Wtf and that was bare necessities) I don't understand people who need to purchase so much crap all the time but I really think they have problems. My dad bas bipolar disorder and for a long time it was undiagnosed when we were children and people always said he was a selfish father. He would be unemployed and would rack up money on credit cards. He purchased all kinds of toys he could not afford and he would often say his life wasn't worth living without all this stupid stuff..
    The scenarios in the op are not selfish by any stretch of the imagination.
    I think selfish parenting is hard to define. It seems simple.if you put your wants before your child's NEEDS right? But what if your wants are always put at the bottom of the list? What if a mum never gets to do anything for herself? Is that really healthy?
    To me I would say it is only wrong when your children are consistently missing out or suffering.
    It's a hard one.
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