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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    Hmmm I am "selfish" all of the time for a matyr *cough* I mean mother. I go out without DS and, shock horror, I enjoy it. I sometimes sleep in. Late. I have a glass or two of wine on weekends. We go away for the weekend sometimes without DS. I enjoy having a job and having things to look forward to.

    I don't think parenting and being happy is an either or scenario.

    DS is always well nourished, loved, cared for in every way. The fact that I have things I enjoy doesn't take anything away from him at all.
    Exactly, his needs are met. You are not taking anything off him to give to yourself. But I guess that will get twisted too. Great one bh.

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  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Share a book I hear what you're saying.

    I think anyone who does Significant (3+ days? Long term) study/play in an area they have no intention of working in is selfish.

    Selfish because it's taking time away from the kids. Selfish (and Im assuming here the person isnt working) because they're not contributing to society in an economic sense.

    Double the selfishness factor if that person is receiving welfare.They're tickling their own fancy and leaving others to pay tax.
    So I'm doubly selfish then? Woo hoo!! Thanks for paying tax for me whilst I tickled my fancy

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  5. #33
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    Both mentioned scenarios are most definitely not selfish. Yet, what about a parent who volunteers for a good cause 1 day a week?
    The mother doesn't get paid for it and doesn't really gain anything else by it other than a sense of being useful and having a purpose in life.

    Her child doesn't benefit in any way at all. There is no money made that can be spent on the child and the child needs to spend an extra day away from mum.

    Is that selfish?

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    halloweendee  (31-07-2012)

  7. #34
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    When exactly did being selfish = bad???

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  9. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by dreadlockfairy View Post
    Jeez! So it makes me selfish that my hub & I go out for dinner/drinks once a week (that's multiple times a fortnight)

    I am a full stay at home mum that dedicates every waking (& sleeping, we cosleep) to my kids. If I choose to spend money on myself & time on myself once a week, how the hell is that selfish parenting????

    Lol some people need to RELAX. It doesn't make you the devil to pursue your own interests without the kids. I am sooo sick of this holier than thou parenting competition on this forum. Who wins in the end? The most depressed, stressed out mother/housewife?
    No no I'm not saying what you do is selfish (I quite envy the fact you get the chance actually lol). I am talking about those who scream broke and can't afford to pay for the essentials but yet can afford booze and smokes etc, with the kids missing out. Example- myself when my dd1 was a baby. Couldn't buy her formula half the time yet could still justify buying smokes. THAT is what I think is selfish. Taking time out for yourself as you described I don't see as selfish.

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  11. #36
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    It's hard to say really, I think it's mostly 'selfish' if a parent puts their WANTS before the needs of the child. Both scenarios mentioned in the OP are not selfish IMO.

    As for studying something you wont use- I finished my arts degree not thinking I'd use it but it was really important to me to finish something I started. It involved putting both my kids in care two days a week, but I really felt I needed to do that for myself. And it didn't hurt my children.

    I also used to leave my girls regilarly with their dad on a Sunday when he was hungover and cranky, knowing they would watch DVDs all day, because it was the only time I got to see my only close friend in the new city we had moved to, child free. I knew he'd do the absolute minimum (ie keep them safe but not really 'take care' of them for the day) but I NEEDED that time out to be 'me'. I know people on here would judge me on that, but I know my limits, and it was definitely a 'need', not a want.

    I sometimes go out and get drunk and be hungover the whole of the next day while my kids eat crap and watch crap. I need a break sometimes...

    And sorry bit I disagree about the whole 'not contributing economically'- that's so overrated, we all contribute to society in different ways, weare not necessarily contributing less because we don't pay tax

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  13. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misschief View Post
    Both mentioned scenarios are most definitely not selfish. Yet, what about a parent who volunteers for a good cause 1 day a week?
    The mother doesn't get paid for it and doesn't really gain anything else by it other than a sense of being useful and having a purpose in life.

    Her child doesn't benefit in any way at all. There is no money made that can be spent on the child and the child needs to spend an extra day away from mum.

    Is that selfish?

    I definitely don't think that's selfish. It may take some time away from the child but it's helping other less fortunate people In society.

  14. #38
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    Yikes, I'm kind of hesitant to stick my big toe in here I'm gunna anyway

    Parents who go out or do things for themselves (no matter what it may be) are fine. If it helps recharge you, educate you, or give you a much needed break from the daily grind then it can only benefit the kids. Stressed out, repressed adults don't make good parents. Parenting is a huge responsibility, but it doesn't mean you can't also have your own life (you just need to fit your stuff in with the kids, sometimes that does mean putting intense time consuming things on hold).

    I am a gamer for instance, as such my hobby is pretty useless, occasionally expensive (although I generally only buy one or two games a year when times are tough) and of benefit to no one but me. I don't consider this a bad thing, it keeps me happy and it ends up being cheaper then going out for the night (I'm a stay at home type of person anyway ). Once my Baby is born I'll have to give up a lot of my free time, but I will need a break from time to time and I won't feel bad about needing some me time to recharge Now as a gamer I would be selfish if I ignored the kids needs to play games 24 hours a day.

    My personal definition of a selfish parent is one that neglects the kids and the house they live in to pursue their own interests no matter what those may be (by neglect I mean under fed dirty kids, filthy house etc). Its really a judgement call, but if someone has a decently kept house (doesnt have to be perfect, just safe and liveable), the kids are happy and well looked after what the parent does to better themselves or their lives is completely irrelevant as long as it is legal (I don't care if they are on Centrelink or not either as long as the kids are well looked after).

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  16. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~ElectricPink~ View Post
    So I'm doubly selfish then? Woo hoo!! Thanks for paying tax for me whilst I tickled my fancy
    I believe your course, at 2 days per week didn't meet my criteria for being selfish.

  17. #40
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    Not at all.

    Also I think that to not be selfish a mother doesn't have to be "selfless". It's possible to find balance. I think that's my biggest struggle with motherhood is trying to navigate my way through those choices. What's best for me & what's best for my kids.

    I have katelyn enrolled to start daycare in January to finish my diploma. And on the one hand I REALLY want to. For me. Purely for me. I really dont want to work with two young kids (yet) but when I did my cert iii it was blissful doing something to benefit myself. And studying from home is awful so I want to finish in class. So.... yeah.... but she'll only be 10 months old

    So rationally I think it's not selfish. But it feels so selfish.

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